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baby upset at collection time

(8 Posts)
edd021208 Wed 09-Sep-09 09:38:09

My 8.5 mo dd started nursery c.9-4 last week, after a 10 day settling in period. The settling in was pretty traumatic but the carers say she is very happy during the day now (they've been taking photos of her playing and smiling to show me!). I'm totally happy with the care she's getting - its a tiny nursery, so just her and another baby with one carer, then 8 toddlers with another two minders. Up to when she went to nursery she was with me all the time and she is a very very sleepy happy girl who has only ever cried when a bit tired..My dh drops her off, partly because I find it too upsetting and just for logistic reasons. When I come to pick her up she smiles when she sees me but then always bursts into big shuddering sobs...this only lasts a minute (or less) but I find it completely heart-breaking and a bit baffling. Does it mean she is just sort of keeping it all bottled up during the day and releases all her emotion when she sees me? I feel happy with the care she's getting - its a tiny nursery, so just her and another baby with one carer, then 8 toddlers with another two minders. The atmosphere is calm and loving..Up to when she went to nursery she was with me all the time and she is a very very sleepy happy girl who has only ever cried when a bit tired..

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Wed 09-Sep-09 09:41:58

My 2 always did this no matter where they were whether it be my parents or someone else looking after them.
I don't think it is becuase she is keeping it bottled up all day I think it is just a sudden burst of emotion at seeing you again.
She is young and if she wasn't happy through the day she would be letting everyone know not sitting on it and letting it out later.
I always thought it seemed like they were so happy to meet me and probably missed me a bit but had forgotten having fun they had missed me and remembered when they seen me again.
It is nothing to worry about if she is happy during nursery time then she is happy she's too young to bottle it up.

theyoungvisiter Wed 09-Sep-09 09:48:48

I agree with lazyslattern (great name btw!)

This happened with my DS1 for about 2 or 3 months. I think they are honestly pretty happy until they see you come in, but when they see you the rush of feelings is just too much for them to cope with, and at that age crying is their only way of dealing with intense, complicated emotion.

It does get better. Soon she will be running off without a backward glance and you'll be the one sitting in the doorway going "kiss for mummy?!" in a bereft tone! (needy and bitter? moi?)

edd021208 Wed 09-Sep-09 12:51:15

thanks to both of you - so much - I was completely projecting on to her that she was putting a 'brave face' on during the day but only felt relaxed enough to really express herself when she saw me!! seeing as she as been the magic non-crying all-sleeping babe....not smug, just delighted after my experience with her all-crying non-sleeping brother!

MiniMousse Thu 10-Sep-09 23:27:54

was reading something about this the other day - can't remember where - but apparently when the baby sees the parent again after time apart and cries it is because they are remembering the separation they have just experienced and are trying to convey that to you. I guess it should get better over time. My little one has just started nursery too - it is probably worse for us than it is for them, isn't it?!?

edd021208 Fri 11-Sep-09 12:48:35

well at this stage (she has been there c.9 - 3 for two weeks now) it certainly seems to be the case that it is worse for me - she has stopped crying on arrival and yesterday for the first time she didn't cry when I arrived to pick her up. On the other hand, I'm mourning not being with her, starting to envy her carer and trying to figure out if I can possibly change my working pattern so I can see more of her smiley golden self....

cookielove Sun 13-Sep-09 18:55:52

are the toddlers and the babies mixed or completly seperate, just curious cause for under 2's ratio is 1-3 there for the toddlers are over ratio, and that would concern me

edd021208 Sun 13-Sep-09 23:48:35

This is in ireland where the ratio for babies under 1 is 1:3 and for 1-2 year olds it is 1:5. The babies are in a section of a large room and spend much of their time there, but sometimes their minder brings them into the toddler room but stays with them while there

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