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Not sure if I've chosen the right nursery? DD very upset on collection.

(8 Posts)
mummytowillow Sun 06-Sep-09 21:57:46

My daughter is two and has only been with a childminder since she was 11 months old, she loved her and I had no problems or concerns.

However, I have split up with my husband, moved 300 miles and have chosen a nursery for her, its a large nursery with over 80 children all split up into age groups. She is in quite a large room with 16 other children, she had three settling in sessions and she appeared to be OK. But I collected her on Friday (it was her second full day) she burst into tears and practically threw herself at me and the ladies said she had had a really bad day? sad She cried for me, wouldn't settle and just seemed generally upset.

I asked them if they thought there was too many children for her as she is only used to being one of two at the CM and they said not and tried to reassure me that it will take time to settle? She is going for two full days a week and to my parents for two full days. I visited a few nurseris and this one stood out and I liked the manager, its part of a very large chain, is that a bad thing and should I consider a smaller private nursery?

So opinions please, is 16 children in one room too many (they have the right ratio of staff) and is it too soon to be worrying about how she is getting on? I felt like my heart had been ripped out when she was so upset, she's a wee little thing and I'm so worried about her. If necessary I'm willing to look for a CM, but I thought at her age nursery would be good for her? How many children do your nurseries have for the 2 year old age group?

hf128219 Sun 06-Sep-09 21:59:58

There are only 6 in the room my 19 month old dd is in at the moment. I think she moves up again in about 6 months where there will be 12.

mummytowillow Mon 07-Sep-09 21:59:34


milknosugarplease Fri 11-Sep-09 18:35:11

hiya, have no experiance as a parent but have worked in a nursery so hope i can help,

16 children in one room is alot dependomg on age group,age 3-4 thats about right but for a two year old that seems alot, can be very overwhelming for a smal child

is probably a shock to the system going from childminder to alot of kids, she also has had alot to deal with- you and husband splitting up, moving really far away from a place she knows. this may seem like her way of dealing with it, if she's very clingy then it's to be expected.

ALL kids have bad days at nursery, childminders, with the nanny.

your her mum you know her best! but give her some time, would take her time to settle even if she hadnt had all these upheavels


purepurple Sat 12-Sep-09 08:47:59

Hi, mummytowillow,
I work in a nursery with 2 year olds and at the moment on our busiest day we have 17 children. On our quietest day we have 8. The ratio for this age is 1 adult for every 4 children.
We will get busier in January when the younger children move into our room. all the children in our toddler room will be moving up to pre-school in september next year and going to school the year after.
Most children are upset when they first start nursery. It is normal behaviour and most children come through it unscathed.
It is perfectly normal for a child to cry at drop-off, be fine during the day, then cry again at pick-up.
Is it possible to send her on a quieter day, or to do half days?
As for being part of a chain, there are pros and cons.
I have worked in a large chain and in a small private nursery.
The private nursery can often be more flexible re hours and fees, if they don't have a head office breathing down their neck.
The nursery staff are right, it will take time for her to settle. Just make sure they have as much info on your DD as possible. Her likes/dislikes, favourite songs, comfort items, what food she likes, her family and pets too.
But remember, she will be unsettled anyway beacause of the upheaval in her life.
Good luck, I am sure she will be fine.

Kirstieallsoppsalterego Sat 12-Sep-09 08:51:09

The whole package (parental separation, move, nursery) seems a huge amount for any 2-y-o to cope with. Could you investigate CMs again?

limonchik Sat 12-Sep-09 09:01:15

I think it's too early to worry - she will take some time to settle, and she's had so many big changes in her life recently. It will take time.

scottishmummy Sat 12-Sep-09 09:08:57

give it time you are describing day 2.she is going through a change of routine,new faces and environment.mum and dad have split up,she has physically moved.if you think about it that is a lot of naturally this manifests as being upset. she has a lot on her wee plate

do give nursery time
she will need time to settle
she will inevitability have wobbles

cut yourself some slack,dont be too harsh on yourself. because you too have been through a lot you may perceive normal nursery settling in angst as deep anxiety

likely to be the transition, and settling period.
do give this adequate time

when you collect could you give her a fave drink or toy

hand in familiar toys, blanket to nursery to have familiar items
cut yourself some slack. you have had big upheaval too

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