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8 week old and childcare - your thoughts please

(42 Posts)
SevernTrentWater Thu 27-Aug-09 15:43:34

what do you think about putting an 8 week old in full time childcare, this is a really emotionally tough decision for me. Has anyone done this, negative and positives etc, why you would/wouldn't. IIf i don't i have to graduate a year later and all the while accruing interest on my loan, but even with time off baby will be going to childcare at 8 weeks, 6 months or 9 months. i'm worried about baby being left to cry and causing stress damage to the brain as she is clingy already, but won't the seperation be worse if i leave it until later i wonder.

SevernTrentWater Thu 27-Aug-09 15:44:31

pardon, 1 year, not 9 months

Rhian82 Thu 27-Aug-09 15:46:15

DS was five and a half months when he started going to nursery, 3 days a week. It was a good age, separation anxiety/stranger fear hadn't kicked in so he didn't get upset and now has a brilliant relationship with the staff, who adore him.

I'd have felt 8 weeks was too young, but you know your child best and only you can make the decision about what's right for both of you in the long run.

ZippysMum Thu 27-Aug-09 15:47:01

I really wouldn't. You are right about her needing to be with you when she is so little. You only get this time once.

Having said that, only you know your situation and only you can make the decision.

llareggub Thu 27-Aug-09 15:50:47

If you go back to studying (I assume) you'll have to pay for childcare so wouldn't that be more than the interest that accrues on the loan?

I don't know your circumstances to hard to suggest alternatives, but I'd be inclined to suggest a childminder rather than a nursery.

Jackstini Thu 27-Aug-09 15:51:42

I had to have dd at nursery 3 days a week from 7.5 weeks and she has been absolutely fine. ds went from 11 weeks.
Had no choice as I am main breadwinner and cannot pay mortgage on dh's wage plus smp.
It was not easy but one of the plus points for me was no separation anxiety (they've never really known any other way) whereas 2 friends have had nightmares with 1 yo.
The other thing is, dc will not actually remember this period in their life and if graduating means you can get a better job and spend more time with them when they are at an age they will remember, that may help.
It's a tough one and you will get rotten comments whichever way you decide so make sure you do what's right for you and your family situation.

Jackstini Thu 27-Aug-09 15:52:51

Also - is the nursery at Uni?
One thing that made it better for me was being able to go into nursery and bf as it was so close.

hercules1 Thu 27-Aug-09 15:54:25

I have no problem wih using childcare but not at this age. Your baby isnt clingy, just doing what babies do. smile

hercules1 Thu 27-Aug-09 15:54:55

What I mean is it's normal behaviour to be clingy!

colditz Thu 27-Aug-09 16:04:58

leave it until 1 year.

Littlefish Thu 27-Aug-09 16:06:28

If there is any way you can avoid using childcare until your baby is at least 6 months, then I would definitely try and do it. Like llareggrub, I would also use a childminder over a nursery for this age of child.

lhg32 Thu 27-Aug-09 16:06:33

If you find a nursery/childminder that you feel happy with (trust your instinct) i dont think you regret it.

I have left my 4 at various different ages except for DS3 who wasnt left till he was 3 and spent every waking hour with me. I returned to work 6 months ago and he has really struggled with the seperation and taking him in to nursery every day is a physical/emotional struggle for us both he screams until he is sick most days. DS4 has adapted so much easier and has a real bond with his key worker and gets on famously with the other members of staff.

In my experience the children that are left from an early age
are the ones who appear the most settled/confident at nursery.

scottishmummy Thu 27-Aug-09 16:08:14

do what you have to do to graduate,inc using nursery.

hopefully,this will increase your employability,earning power and choices

no one here can tell you what to do,(many woll tell you 8wk too young) but this is about hard choices here and how those choices impact upon longer term gain

hopefully as a graduate you will earn, have career progression.have a degree something to be proud of,your achievement

MrsBadger Thu 27-Aug-09 16:30:26

if you left it until 6m, how much interest would accumulate on your loan?
and how much would 4m (ie 8wks->6m) of nursery cost?

if you compare those two figures, and nursery is cheaper, is the difference worth paying for 4m at home with your baby?

Remember there will always be time to earn more money but you can't take maternity leave with them when they're bigger...

scottishmummy Thu 27-Aug-09 16:51:33

does your course start again Sep so if you don't matriculate this year you have to wait another year?

scottishmummy Thu 27-Aug-09 16:51:35

does your course start again Sep so if you don't matriculate this year you have to wait another year?

LaaDeDa Thu 27-Aug-09 17:07:25

I'd probably go for 6 months (one of mine started at 7 months and the other at 9 months) as i think 8 weeks is a bit young in a nursery full time.

At 1 year seperation anxiety can peak anyway - it's ok (ime) if they've started before as you may get a few weeks of tears when you drop off but ultimately they already know the routine and staff so tend to settle as soon as you're out of sight. If they are just starting at that age it can take a little longer to settle them as they are old enough to know what's coming - you feel a little hand grip very tightly onto your top if you make any move to putting them on the floor! - and they know that crying for longer could pay off (ie, you may have to return and get them if they won't settle - rare though and nurseries are used to dealing with this).

That's what i would go for anyway and i'm speaking as a nursery nurse and a mum.

LaaDeDa Thu 27-Aug-09 17:10:56

And in case anyone would like to take offense and think i am criticising if they have put their child in nursery full time from 8 weeks - i'm not.
Your child will be fine and happy if you do this but i'm sure if anyone had much of a choice they probably would wait - i would have thought this situation arises from need rather than want.

Amapoleon Thu 27-Aug-09 17:11:30

Have you actually had this baby yet?

BunnyLebowski Thu 27-Aug-09 17:13:22

I really don't agree with the "do what you have to do to graduate" advice.

How about do what you have to do to nurture, love and care for your brand new baby at this important time in both your lives?

You can still graduate and achieve the career you want in a year or 2. You will never get this time back with your baby.

8 weeks is much MUCH too little to be in full-time childcare. It makes me quite sad to even imagine it sad

And your baby is not being clingy. She's being a baby. She's completely dependent on you.

Amapoleon Thu 27-Aug-09 17:16:19

Whoops, sorry just re read OP and realise you already have her.

It just sounded like someone who was making unrealistic plans.

Personally I couldn't have left mine so young. Also it's not like you have to go back to work, you could easily defer for a year.

Maybe you could come to some sort of agreement with the students loans.

Good luck whatever you decide.

purepurple Thu 27-Aug-09 17:23:41

BunnyL, you talk a lot of sense. I agree with every word you have written.

scottishmummy Thu 27-Aug-09 18:00:31

well if op has baby she has to provide and graduation increases earning power and employability.

also suppose depends on course and its time commitments and how long will be away etc.

but yes do think complete keep the momentum and graduate

i am mindful not to engage in global discussion about merits of nursery provision for babies

Because it is your choice

foxinsocks Thu 27-Aug-09 18:04:55

when you say full time childcare, I envision 7.30 till 6.30 but I'm guessing, if it's a uni course, the hours are a lot less than that?

the nursery dd went to (when she was 16 weeks) took babies from 6 weeks. But my goodness, they are teeny tiny then and I think you'll struggle. I also don't think the 3 to 1 ratio in nurseries for that age group is sufficient for young babies tbh.

hanaflowerhatestheDM Thu 27-Aug-09 18:07:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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