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DS (2) started crying when I leave him at nursery - happy the rest of the day - any ideas?

(9 Posts)
Paolosgirl Mon 24-Aug-09 12:21:32

He's always been fine about going to nursery (3 days a week), but since going through to the 2-3 year old room 3 weeks ago has cried buckets about going in (today even before we left the house).

He really enjoyed his settling in days when he and 4 others moved through, and is always happy to see me and then runs off back to continue playing. Staff say he's fine after about 5-10 minutes, but he's really heartbroken when I leave him and I'm worried that he might become used to crying when I leave him, iykwim.

The staff and managers are going to have an head to head about it today to see what suggestions they can come up with to make it easier and less stressful for him, but has anyone else had something similar? If so, what worked and didn't work for you? I'm sure that in time he will be fine, but any suggestions in the meantime would be gratefully receivedsmile

paranoidmother Mon 24-Aug-09 12:49:35

We have kids that do this when their parents drop them at Nursery (I've been in to a few days to see my DC's during the session).

Some of the kids are obviously bribed by parents with sweets and things to stop crying and whilst the parents are there they make a HUGE fuss. Then as soon as the parent has gone they are fine and happy and playing straight away, no more fuss.

The other kids then try it on with their parents for a few weeks to see if it gets them anywhere, normally it doesn't! So after a few weeks they stop crying when parent is there.

I would just do as you normally do and not make any extra fuss about it. Take him in, sit him down or whatever is normal, say goodbye and give kiss and keep on going. I imagine if you waited outside for 5 minutes you'd find he'd stop and get going with all the others playing.

Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh but if he likes it before and this is the only time he's upset I'd guess he is trying it on.

gallery Mon 24-Aug-09 12:58:15

This happens to me on a regular cycle, he is happy going for a while, then starts routine of crying for a while. It was very upsetting, leaving crying 4 year old. I tried different tactics- promising to leave work early to get him one day a week if no crying, explaining that crying is ok everyone cries sometimes and saying that the crying does not upset me (but it does!) and I would prefer to see a happy face as I am happy when I go off and would like to know he is happy too. He did the whole pleading thing- hands out like a child in painting praying. Within 5 minutes of me going, he was sunny and happy again. The latest cycle resolved itself with him deciding he loved nursery and asking to go more often. I had the build up even days before he would go (at the weekend, how many days till I go mommy then crying because it was 2 days away). I think the one that seemed to work best with him was telling him that it was ok to cry and everyone gets sad sometimes. SO when he did stop, he told me he was just not sad anymore and had no need to cry. I think I had little effect and it was all his own personal character driving the whole thing

francagoestohollywood Mon 24-Aug-09 13:11:22

My ds went through a similar phase when he was about your ds's age. It is possible he hasn't adjusted yet to the new routine of his new room. It takes time and often there are set backs.
A lovely girl in ds nursery used to hold him so that he could wave bye bye to me from the window, which calmed him down and he proceeded to have a lovely time. After a while he started back being all cheerful on arrival.

francagoestohollywood Mon 24-Aug-09 13:12:59

sorry, instead of "girl" it should have been a member of the staff, I was having a lazy moment (english is not my first language). It

Paolosgirl Mon 24-Aug-09 13:15:36

Just checking this quickly at work - many thanks for your suggestions here. It's much appreciatedsmile

francagoestohollywood Mon 24-Aug-09 13:16:44

Me again.
I live in italy now, where the teachers in dd's scuola materna (nursery school) told me that it often happens that, after a succesful settling in stage, a child can go back being unsettled after a few months.

Paolosgirl Mon 24-Aug-09 20:46:47

Thanks Franca. Went in to pick him up tonight - cue one very happy little boy who ran up to me, gave me a cuddle and ran off to play with his friends! Nursery have given him his favourite toy away with him to show his dad and brother and sister, and then he's to bring it in tomorrow and put it back in the special cupboard where it will stay until it's home time. He can bring it home with him every night. We'll see how that goes - it might owrk, it might not, but at least nursery are working to try and find a solution.

Thanks again smile

francagoestohollywood Mon 24-Aug-09 21:02:43

Ah bless. Sounds like a good strategy, good luck with it smile

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