Anxiety and tears when I drop off still after 5 months

[heliotrope]

DS 21 months in a nice nursery 5 days, 8-4.30. I believe he is well cared for and has fun most of the time but he doesn't like to be dropped off, he seems fearful about the moment of separation and usually cries. I konw it isn't for long as I've hidden round the corner of course.
If his dad drops him off he isn't so bad - it seems to be harder for him when i leave him. But I still feel bad.
Anyone got any tips about how I can make the separation easier for him?

[BlueBumedFly]

Its horrid eh? My DD is hard to drop off and she has been there since 9 months (she is now 22 months). Does he have a 'lovely' - a blankie or soft toy that he has with him? In the room my DD is in they try to discourage the children from their lovelies and I recently heard that they had managed to get her to sleep without it. But why? She is 2 for goodness sakes!! So, I now let her take it into nursery in her hand instead of it being in her bag and it does seem to have helped.

Could you ask the carers what his fave toy is and take him to it in the mornings? Does he have a key carer that he prefers? Can you direct him to them each morning?

All I can say is keep the drop off brief, hug, kiss, say Mummy will be back soon and leave. Don't hang about, it just makes it harder for them.

I still cry in the car park!!

[navyeyelasH]

My advice, as a nanny, would be to distract rather than explain. So instead of, "It's ok sweetie, I'll be back soon and then we will watch Cbeebies" etc try saying "wow is little Jimmy playing with a rocket? That looks so cool, why don't you go and have a look".

Granted this doesn't work for all children!

[heliotrope]

Thanks for your advice both. I've never taken a 'lovely' for him as thought it was against nursery policy and he hasn't really had one. Today however he really wanted to take his black sheep and I let him, his key worker was fine about it but then his little friend came in in tears because his dad hadn't let him bring his fave car (because he thought it was policy too!). So then I felt bad, but maybe the policy is just for older kids not the baby room (under 2s).

So it's been a bit better this week although I still get the 'I will never forgive you' stricken face. I am going to make sure that I give him directly to one of the staff every day so that at least he gets a cuddle when I leave.

[JenniPenni]

I am a CM - hope you don't mind me sticking my oar in?

At his age a comforter is fine in my eyes. My little mindees come with theirs, and they are often left at the door with their bags and shoes truth be told (their choice), but it can be a help and a comfort to have something from home with them, especially at handover time.

Nurseries probably take a stricter stance on this due to their being so many kids = loads of comforters = loads to look after and ensure goes home.

If a lil one is tearful when mum/dad goes (and yes, it is best you go quickly, as a prolonged goodbye will only distress an upset child more), I send a text/photo of them happily playing 5 mins later - because they always are!

re mums and dads - it's nearly always harder when mums drop off than dads. Just the way they are at this age