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dd having "accidents"; at nursery - they don't seem to care

(21 Posts)
galaxy Wed 04-May-05 21:32:28

dd started nursery 3 weeks ago and settled in straight away with no tears and raves about it when she gets home.

Been clean and using a toilet with toddler seat for a couple of months but on 1st day, they had to change her as she'd wet herself and when she got home discovered she's pooed as well.

2nd day, they said she was dry and I picked her up to cuddle and she was wet - they hadn't noticed.

Today she wet herself again. They don't seem to be worried about it but I don't like the thought of her going backwards. She has no accidents at home but has said she's scared of their toilets.

dh and sis think they aren't reminding her despite me asking them to. dh wants to pull her out but I think it's just a phase.

What would you do?

tiffini Wed 04-May-05 21:37:37

do you take her to the toilet when you arrive at the nursery, also you could offer her some kind of reward if she stays dry.

LGJ Wed 04-May-05 21:40:35

I think that she has probably found her feet, so to speak and probably gets engrossed and forgets to go.

I agree some sort of reward for being dry would probably be the best idea.


How is the new job ??

Mum2girls Wed 04-May-05 21:41:00

Take the manager to one side and express your concerns - it maybe that because she's new, they don't want to make her anxious - that they want her to settle down in nursery before starting the toilet training again.

On the other hand, your dh and sis may be right - I think you'll know from the answers they give you - they will either answer you straight away or they'll waffle and you know they've not even discussed it.

btw, on the matter of her being wet when you picked her up - I personally would let one occasion go by - they can wet very quickly, but if it happens again, I would let them know very firmly.

Katemum Wed 04-May-05 21:43:14

How old is she? My ds is 4 and still occasionaly forgets to go at nursery, there is just so much going on and he doesn't want to miss a thing. It could also just be a stage while she settles down and gets used to a change in her routine. Visiting the toilet with her and reassuring her sounds like a good idea.
If she is obviously happy at nursery I wouldn't pull her out of it just yet. She needs more time to settle.

galaxy Wed 04-May-05 21:48:33

She is 2 1/2 and I'm sure its' because she gets engrossed in her activities. I was quite shocked to read a note in her "communication book" last week from the manager asking if we thought a toddler seat on the loo would help. I would have thought they would have offered that to a littlie anyway.

She told me today that she asked 3 times to go to the toilet and they didn't take her but I took that with a pinch of salt.

I did speak to the manager last week and wrote some comments in her comms book.

Just feel really unhappy that she is going backwards.

lgj - ne job is brilliant - extremely busy (hence absence from mumsnet lately). working 12 hou days but so enjoyable.

RTKangaMummy Wed 04-May-05 21:50:02

There was a thread a while ago about nursery who would not let child go to toilet until others went "en masse" IIRC

Is she allowed to come and go when she wants to?

Would deffo take her there to toilet when you arrive and maybe as soon as you collect {but not every day in case she starts to wait for you to arrive and then can't wait IYSWIM}

If it happens again speak to the manager

Does she have a key worker?

What is she like?

Good Luck

RTKangaMummy Wed 04-May-05 21:51:35

Crumbs I was misreading I thought you said she was nearly 4

galaxy Wed 04-May-05 21:53:36

sis takes her on arrival (I;m at work) and says that she seems nervous of the toilets. She doesn't yet go on her own - I told them this when she started. I've asked them to keep reminding her although she doesn't need reminding at childminders (sisters). She has a keyworker but she was only there on the 1st day and has been away since so she is being looked after by the manager.

I think I feel guilty too as I've only been able to collect her once although my sister is just as good as me in talking to them about the issues.

RTKangaMummy Wed 04-May-05 21:53:40

Are they little toilets or adult ones?

If it is a nursery

Surely they will have little ones

like in schools they have them age sized IYSWIM

Katemum Wed 04-May-05 21:54:13

Think you have to try and get out of your head that she is going backwards. This is new for her and she has to get used to it.
Speak to the staff again and let them know how concerned you are though.

galaxy Wed 04-May-05 21:56:02

They are little ones but they don't appear to have been putting the toddler seat on and she is convinced she will fall down the hole! I think she's become scared of them and it's hard for her to get that out of her mind.

I'm sure you are right in that it's just a settling in thing - hmmm

RTKangaMummy Wed 04-May-05 21:56:09

Yes agree sis can ask the same way that you can

if you still feel that way can you ring up manager while children are having sleep

She is still little and they seem to be expecting her to be very grown up

Or have I got it completely wrong?

galaxy Wed 04-May-05 21:57:49

I agree RTKM - they said to me - she doesn't tellus when she needs the loo. She is 2 fgs and is happily absorbed in the playhouse or sandpit!

RTKangaMummy Wed 04-May-05 22:02:13

I don't think they are being very fair to her IMHO

In her world it is play play play

As it should be

I think they should remind her every so often rather than expect a 2 year old to think about it.

LemonDrizzle Wed 04-May-05 22:12:09

my dd is pushing 3 and still in a nappy. They shouoldn't expect her to ask.

MizZan Fri 06-May-05 12:01:28

Galaxy, we had a very similar problem with my ds when he started nursery at 2 3/4. I think he just felt intimidated by the loos and by having to ask teachers he didn't really know well to help him go. The nursery school staff informed me that "he needs to ask" and that they generally don't go with the kids to help after the first few weeks, which made me pretty annoyed since there were plenty of kids having issues. Same thing with the no toddler seats etc.

He got past it after a few weeks, with much encouragement from mummy and also a few times "showing mummy" where the loo was and how to use it, so he got more used to the idea. However, after the long Christmas break and a change of nanny, he started having problems again, culminating in one time when he apparently pooped all over himself and the bathroom, and then when I went to pick him up he actually had poop on his nose . I pretty much lost it, but later went in to talk to the teacher and told her very firmly that she had to do more to help him, remind him, etc. because he obviously needed it. I also went into school with him and had him show me how he can climb on the loo himself a few times at the start of class, to help him feel comfortable again.

Long story, but happy ending as he seems to be ok with it now, goes on his own, and is happy at the school. I have to say I don't understand the point the nurseries are trying to prove with this. I do think the school would make their own lives easier and put less stress on the kids by just trooping groups of them into the loo at snacktime or whenever, instead of waiting for them to ask. There is a boy in my son's class who still wets his pants every single day. But they do get there in the end. Don't take her out yet, if you're happy with the nursery in other ways, but if it keeps happening make sure you keep reminding her key teacher (and the manager if need be) that they need to help at this stage.

galaxy Sat 07-May-05 19:11:16

Thanks Mizman - nice to know we're not alone. She decided to poo in her knickers at the childminders on Friday (1st time she has ever done anything like that there).

bambino1 Sat 07-May-05 21:06:28

I am a nursery nurse and had this problem with a little girl a few months ago. every day would be the same and we worked out it was certain times she would do it. so at that tome of the day i would take her down to the toilets and give her a book. i would then stay with her until she did what she had to do. Have you mentioned anything to the nursery manager? If your telling her carers about it they should be doing something to help. They should certainly be checking she is dry often. How old is she? Is she able to tell you if anything is wrong?

galaxy Sun 08-May-05 20:49:37

Bambino. Her carer is the nursery owner and she is 2 1/2. She is an extremely good talker for her age and says that she just forgets to ask to go or she tells them and in her words "they don't listen to me"

MrsWood Tue 17-May-05 16:30:09

"She told me today that she asked 3 times to go to the toilet and they didn't take her..."

- poor little sausage - breaks my heart when I hear of children being ignored.

You absolutely must consider changing nurseries if they ignore your requests. There are plenty of great nurseries about and I'm sure you will find one with kinder staff. Our nursery is great and staff are very caring and I couldn't imagine anything like that happening there.

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