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Need advice on toddler hating nursery.

(12 Posts)
JAKEJEM Wed 20-Apr-05 22:22:45

My little boy is nearly 3 and we have just recently tried to get him to go to nursery for 2 mornings a week. This is our 3rd attempt (once before when he was 2 and a few months before that) We are having huge problems, to the extent where the nursery are calling me up to go and get him because he is so hysterical without mummy. He screams at the door for me for 2 hours on end and when I return he is struggling to breathe. My question is that do you think we should pull him out (again) and wait until he is older, or just keep trying and putting him through this. Since we restarted him two weeks ago he is waking during the night (regularly) and crying for me and his behaviour during the day is terrible, like a monster has taken over. I am at my wits end and so is his baby sister! I would appreciate any advice.

aloha Wed 20-Apr-05 22:30:32

Have you always tried with the same nursery? If so, I think you should try with a different one. A friend & fellow Mumsnetter's little boy was very upset going to nursery, and wouldn't settle. She took him out, tried a new one and now he skips up the path. I really don't think you should persevere here as it is clearly upsetting you all.

Twiglett Wed 20-Apr-05 22:35:57

totally agree with aloha

that is an extreme reaction, most children would calm down within 5 minutes of their parent leaving

do you ever take him to playgroups? ones where you stay but there's lots of other children there

JAKEJEM Wed 20-Apr-05 22:39:18

Hi Aloha and thanks for your message, this is the third different nursery we have tried and I am thinking that the problem may lie in this situation. My husband is in the forces and this is the 4th place we have lived since our little boy was born. I am slightly concerned that he is very insecure because of our moving around and he is a very shy boy anyway, especially because Daddy is always going away, but then again other forces kids seem to be OK? I am just getting worried as he should be starting pre-school in Sept and I don't want him to miss out mixing with others. I take him to Mums and Tots and soft play 4 times a week and he loves it - as long as I am there!

JAKEJEM Wed 20-Apr-05 22:41:23

Hi Twiglett, Our messages got crossed. Yes, I take him out all the time, he mixes well but always makes sure I am there. He has always been very sensitive and will not even go upstairs to play unless me or his daddy are there.

Twiglett Wed 20-Apr-05 22:42:38

some further random thoughts, sorry if I'm rambling

I would definitely take him out, he's not 3 and he's not ready yet

most pre-schools seem to start at 3 and a half, and should let you settle him in gradually - do any of the nurseries let you go in and stay with him for the whole session then gradually start leaving him alone for a few minutes, then a bit longer

have you tried leaving something with him that belongs to you so that he knows for definite you are coming back - something with your smell on it or that he recognises you always have, that can sometimes help

he is very young

has he ever been seperated from you

could you maybe find a childminder and try in a home situation

JAKEJEM Wed 20-Apr-05 22:47:01

Twiglett, I stayed with him and he was fine, he goes off and plays, then bang, as soon as I say I am going for a while, he gets hysterical. I really do think he is too young but am so worried about him eventually settling when pre-school arrives in Sept. I have left him with his blanket and dummy and even his favourite toy but he still screams and sobs at the door. I sat outside (out of view) for an hour last week and it broke my heart. He was so hysterical. The nursery say he is the worst they have seen.

JAKEJEM Wed 20-Apr-05 22:48:28

I think the other problem is that he has always been with me or daddy. As we are always moving we have never settled long enough to trust a childminder and family have always been over 8 hours away.

aloha Wed 20-Apr-05 22:52:34

Well, of course, you don't have to send him to preschool. My ds is 31/2 and only does two mornings at private nursery. He didn't settle at all a year ago, started in Jan (when he was over three) and it's been a very different experience. he now really enjoys it and I'd put him in for another morning if it wasn't so oversubscribed. IN your case I don't htink forcing the issue will help. I would take him out and continue with the other playgroups etc and encourage him to play independently. I wish I could offer better advice, but I do have huge sympathy for you. I know from experience how awful it is if you know they are unhappy.

JAKEJEM Wed 20-Apr-05 22:57:07

Thank you so much for your advice, you have just confirmed what I was thinking and I was silly not to go with my instincts and pull him out of nursery until hes a little older. All around me I have people saying, "well my son's OK" and "get him settled in now or pre-school will be hell" and they just do not know my little boy. I am off to give him a big cuddle now (and try not to wake him) and hopefully I will get a better nights sleep too! Thanks once again.

aloha Wed 20-Apr-05 22:58:41

So pleased you feel happier. You know your boy better than anyone, and it's not a crime to be a sensitive two year old. In a year's time (or even sooner) he could be a different child. Have a lovely day tomorrow.

JAKEJEM Wed 20-Apr-05 23:00:50

Thanks very much Aloha, I appreciated your advice and am muh happier now. Have a good day tomorrow too. Night for now.

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