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Please can anyone help i dont know what to do ............

(24 Posts)
HappyMumOfOne Thu 14-Apr-05 13:01:42

My ds has started playschool. I had been to see 2 playschools and put his name down for them one of them was where i had taken my ds to mother and toddler group so he new the surroundings! I noticed when we attended mother and toddler that when we were outside in the garden bit he could open the gate that lead on to a main road and this got me thinking about when and if he started playschool there he may escape without anyone noticing as they have many kids to be keeping there eyes on! This did put doubt in my mind so this was the reason for me visiting another nursery to see if there was a way round this! Anyway to cut a long story short ds never got into that nursery so i decided maybe it was fate that he should not being go there.
He started at the other nursery (my second choice) on tuesday and i was very happy as the doors were locked and i thought he was safe!
Ds has always had an obsession with doors and gates and things that open and close! He has always been a very hyper child and always wants to escape ! He can never walk down the road holding mine or dp's hand he always wants to run away and if he does not get his own way he throws a tantrum i have found this very very hard !

Today when i went to pick ds up from nursery i looked through the window and noticed he was trying to open the fire exit (thank god i was there) as he managed to open it and was about to run away!
Now i am scared that he is not safe and that if he does escape he is going to get run over as this nursery backs on to a car-park and goes to a main road. When i went through the fire escape to take him back in, there was only one teacher there when normally there is about 4-5 i was shocked as she had not even seen him escape or even me come back through! Another teacher then walked in and said Miss X you are not alllowed through that door to which i replied, no my ds had escaped and he was of down the path to the car-park.

I explained to her that my ds has always tried to escape from places and has an obsession with opening doors and things!

I have many things going through my mind now

1) will my son be safe?
2) i have always wondered if this was normal behaviour his obsessions with doors and running away? I am now thinking is there something wrong with him?
3) should i still take him to nursery?

Please could anyone shed some light on my ds's behaviour and do you think it is normal?
Also please i need advice on what u would do in a situation like this?
Should i take him to see a doctor? health visitor to see if they think his behaviour is normal?

Sorry it was long and i hope someone can help me?

TIA

HappyMumOfOne Thu 14-Apr-05 13:09:01

bump anyone?

cod Thu 14-Apr-05 13:10:38

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HappyMumOfOne Thu 14-Apr-05 13:14:12

I told them today that he has always been one to try and escape and said he has an obssesion with opening doors and things!
The teacher said they will keep an eye on him??
What else can i do its a fire door so u have to be able to open it u cant block it!

cod Thu 14-Apr-05 13:15:15

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Blu Thu 14-Apr-05 13:15:31

MayyMum...the main thing is that no child should be able to escape under their own steam. Put a report in writing to the Manager of nursery, and the last sentence should be 'I am sure this will be of serious concern to you, and would be grateful to be informed of the action you plan to take'.
If it a 'panic bar' type of fire exit, it should be alarmed or something so they would know if a child opened it.

How old is your DS? Curiosity and energy are a powerful combination, and he sounds completely typical.

cod Thu 14-Apr-05 13:16:14

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cod Thu 14-Apr-05 13:17:17

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HappyMumOfOne Thu 14-Apr-05 13:20:51

There was no alarm going off when he opened it so it cant be alarmed but it said fire exit on it!

I am going to have to have a chat about it. But i feel if i do just let them get on with it i am putting my ds at a risk i rather he was not at!

I put him in nursery for him to mix with kids have fun and for myself to have some relaxing time i can not relax under these circumstances.

Thanks for your advice its good to hear what others think and suggest.

HappyMumOfOne Thu 14-Apr-05 13:21:46

There was no alarm going off when he opened it so it cant be alarmed but it said fire exit on it!

I am going to have to have a chat about it. But i feel if i do just let them get on with it i am putting my ds at a risk i rather he was not at!

I put him in nursery for him to mix with kids have fun and for myself to have some relaxing time i can not relax under these circumstances.

Thanks for your advice its good to hear what others think and suggest.

HappyMumOfOne Thu 14-Apr-05 13:22:25

whoops sorry

Amberlilli Thu 14-Apr-05 13:36:01

I don't think it's unusual to want to open doors and escape! My dd does it all the time, at any toddler group or house I go to she is off and I always have to keep my eye out for her.
As for opening the fire escape onto a car park, I would be horrified if i saw this, what would of happened if you hadn't seen it??!!!
Were the staff bothered that he was trying to escape? I would have complained to whoever was in charge! If your child can open it others must be able to also. Have you dicussed this with other parents?
I certainly wouldn't be able to relax at home worrying about my little one! I don't think you should have had to explain about your ds having an 'obsession'! We leave our darlings in the responsible care of others and expect them to do just that!!
If it was me I would probably take him out of this nursery, it doesn't sound very secure if there is just a fire escape door between the children and a road!!

Blu Thu 14-Apr-05 13:38:14

But Cod he DID open the door and was on his way out when HappyMum stopped him!

H, put it in writing and ask them to find a solution!

Now he knows he can open it, he'll be even more determined to try it again!

Fran1 Thu 14-Apr-05 14:02:36

There is nothing wrong with your son, but there is something wrong with the staff at the pre-school!

They should have been far more concerned than they were.

You can buy less traditional push bars for fire exits which are harder to open, and they can be fitted up higher so children cannot reach them. This is what we had in my nursery.

I would approach them again and make them realise if they don't act, you will report to Ofsted.

saadia Thu 14-Apr-05 14:23:03

Happymum...I don't think there's anything wrong with your ds's love of opening doors but I REALLY don't think he's safe at the nursery if security in't improved. Also, the staff don't sound like they were overly concerned with this incident, so, without wanting to worry you too much, who knows what else they are lax about.

How old is your ds? If possible I would try and find somewhere else.

HappyMumOfOne Thu 14-Apr-05 14:24:56

Sorry i think i have mislead some of you. The door opens onto a small path that goes onto the carpark my ds knows the way as there is only one way to go which we walk through when i drop him off and pick him up!

I just seem to be having a complete nightmare with finding a playschool which he can not escape from? I thought they would be very safe but so far the 2 i have choosen my ds has escaped but luckily both times i was there (thank god)

I wanted my ds to start playschool at the age he is at 2.7 so he could be with other children etc but now i wont be able to find another playschool till....well i dont know when cause i have phoned others to put his name down for september but they are all full up!

I dont know where to turn now or what to do! he is supposed to be going tomorrow but i am scared now and dp says he will not let him go back there!

HappyMumOfOne Thu 14-Apr-05 14:28:43

Who can i contact about the playschools? I was wondering if it was something to do with my ds because i could not understand why he was always able to escape i was positive they would have to have big security measures as these are our babys they are supposed to be watching !

I just dont want anything bad to happen to him hes my baby and i would never forgive myself for taking him there and leaving him if anything did happen! (god forbid)

LunarSea Thu 14-Apr-05 14:31:07

Happymum - he sounds like the twin to my mini Houdini (see here . Fortunately he's now getting to the stage where he understands when he's told not to do it again, but it doesn't seem to stop him devising new escape routes.

soapbox Thu 14-Apr-05 14:38:19

HMof1 - I think the soultion is 2 fold.

1. you have to get the nursery to realise that he really is as keen to escape as you think - they will have seen it all/heard it all before from anxious parents and may not realise just how serious it is.

2. At the age of 2.7 he is old enough to understand that you will fry him alive if he dares open a door that he is not allowed to! You need to teach him to go nowhere near a door and try to open it - consistent use of the naughty step or what ever other discipline method you use is required here.

I think this transition between baby and child is a difficult one to manage but I do think he is getting towards an age where at least a small degree of understanding of personal safety is requried. Quite separate from the nursery issue is that no-one can provide 24 hour survelliance of a child - you included. What about when you visit other people's houses, go out for dinner to a restaurant, go on holiday etc. You will run yourself ragged if you don't get this under control soon! He needs to learn quickly that its not a game to keep running off!

ggglimpopo Thu 14-Apr-05 14:42:16

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frazzled2 Thu 14-Apr-05 14:50:58

happymum.. you are right to be concerned about your child's escape and the nursery should have immediately questioned how it happened and explained to you how they were going to remedy the situation. I would go in again and tell the staff that you are still not happy with the solution and demand that changes are made.
As for your sons behaviour, all children go through different phases and obsessions, its just unfortunate that his is a big safety concern for you. If you are really worried then talking to a health visitor should help to reassure you that his behaviour is not unusual, which i am sure is the case.

Blu Thu 14-Apr-05 14:59:21

I do agree with Soapbox, though - he can now start to learn that he must not run off.
But it is a nursery's job to be secure.
Get them to see to the door!

LunarSea Thu 14-Apr-05 14:59:42

You can get door alarms for under a fiver so there's really no excuse for them to not have one if the door opens onto a public area.

saadia Thu 14-Apr-05 15:28:22

Happymum.., even if you do not send your ds back there, it would be worth mentioning the door problem to staff for the sake of the other children. I think that at this young age, you can discipline them etc...but children of three and above are still only children and cannot be responsible for their own safety, and cannot understand what dangers are out there.

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