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i was mad at my child`s nursery because...

(86 Posts)
ladyjeje Thu 26-Feb-09 15:44:03

we are vegeterian.almost every day some child would bring some sweets for every child to have when he goes home.most of the time it contains animal gelatin.
last week i told the administrator that dd doesn`t have gelatin.
today they gave all the kids sweets and let her cry.she felt excluded from the rest,she`s only 3.i was mad, asked them to give her one,i didn`t talk to them because i was so mad i thought i won`t sound logical.i`m thinking about buying a bag of suitable for vegeterian sweets and leave it in the nursery for her.
but they didn`t act right,they were not attentive to her feelings.
what do you think?

Tamarto Thu 26-Feb-09 15:45:53

You asked them not to give her gelatin but were annoyed when they did that. Yes if i were you i'd provide sweets for those occasions but i wouldn't be mad at the nursery for doing what you asked.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 26-Feb-09 15:47:08

Exactly, if you have told them she can't have gelatin they can't give her sweets with gelatin, can they??! hmm

It's a good idea to take the gelatin sweets in though! smile

rubyslippers Thu 26-Feb-09 15:49:14

am amazed that sweets and food from outside the nursery kitchen is allowed in

i think you are being really inconsistent so you can't really be mad at them

by all means, leave a bag of veggie sweets at nursery though

2pt4kids Thu 26-Feb-09 15:49:52

Good idea to take in alternative sweets, although in this first instance I would have expected the nursery staff to give her some raisins or a biscuit or something s she wasnt the only one left out and crying.
I can see why you are upset.

MissisBoot Thu 26-Feb-09 15:50:58

They were following your instructions! You can't be mad at them for that - that's ridiculous!

Won't she learn quicker that there are some things she can't eat. You're choosing to bring her up as a vegetarian so you need to prepare her for this.

She's going to have to do this sooner rather than later if she's having a different diet to the majority of the population.

Good idea re: veggie sweets.

herbietea Thu 26-Feb-09 15:54:26

Message withdrawn

MissisBoot Thu 26-Feb-09 15:57:11

How do you know they let her cry?

Did they just leave her in the corner crying or did they try and explain that she wasn't able to eat them?

I think a 3yo is oldest enough to understand that they can't have certain foods if its explained to them.

ladyjeje Thu 26-Feb-09 16:14:35

well,you`re right that i shouldn`t be mad because they didn`t give her the sweets,i asked them to.but if a child with nut allergy came to the nursery they don`t let breadstick come in.i know the concern here is his health,but they don`t tell him you can`t have some and leave him to cry.
i`m glad i didn`t talk to them though.
it was hard for me to see how this affected her.they explain to her she can`t have some,but why didn`t they gave her an alternative when they saw how upset she was.

Sidge Thu 26-Feb-09 16:20:35

I don't understand your post.

You were cross because they gave her sweets with gelatin in (which is understandable) so when they then didn't give her sweets as per your instructions you got cross?

If you weren't there how do you know they handled it badly? Maybe she cried and they consoled her? Maybe they didn't have an alternative to give her?

I think you need to provide alternatives yourself as you have said, and have a word with all the nursery staff NOT an administrator who may be stuck in an office. It sounds like miscommunication really, so I think you need to give them something in writing listing exactly what she can and can't eat, or arrange a meeting.

Horton Thu 26-Feb-09 16:21:04

I think it's a bit different for a child with a nut allergy. I mean, that child could die if exposed to nuts. Your daughter isn't allowed gelatin because you've made that choice which is not essential for her well-being. It won't harm her. They should have offered her a biscuit or something, though. You should get some sweets that you will allow her to have and ask them to give her one of those, as you suggested earlier.

stickybeaker Thu 26-Feb-09 16:22:48

I feel sorry for the nursery staff - what were you expecting them to do?

ladyjeje Thu 26-Feb-09 16:26:52

you see,she`s my first child and went to nursery just recently.it`s all new to me. i should have expected this situation to happen,but i didn`t think about how the staff are going to handle it.i thought they have a solution to a situation like that. other kids who have some dietry restriction must havwe attended the nursery before.

MadameCastafiore Thu 26-Feb-09 16:30:50

Honestly what do you expect them to do?

Should one of them leave the kids and nip off to the local wholefood store to get your kid some sweets that you deem suitable.

Prosecco Thu 26-Feb-09 16:33:53

I do think it is up to you to speak to your child and explain why she can't have them. You have made that decision and you must explain it.
The nursery, however, can and should be sensitive to it. You could take in a packet of sweets or let her know she can always get one when she comes home.
I am surprised at the frequency of sweets in the nursery.

choosyfloosy Thu 26-Feb-09 16:34:23

It is tricky when dietary choices come up, and IMO it's always a shock when it first happens, particularly when you first face the reality of other people making choices for your child. I remember it well (not vegetarian but another non-health-related dietary choice).

Learn from this - provide veggie sweets and also carry them round with you - people do sometimes ask to offer sweets to children, usually on days when you've had so many battles with your child that you don't want to have another one - have a few emergency options in your bag.

rubyslippers Thu 26-Feb-09 16:35:41

ladyjeje - you may not be getting the full picture

My DS has the veggie diet at nursery and he is unable to eat certain things - they ALWAYS offer an alternative

your DD may have been offered something else and comforted as well -

TBH, you have been inconistent so no wonder the staff are confused

Horton Thu 26-Feb-09 16:35:47

TBH, I'd just let her have the sweets if I were you. It won't hurt her and one sweet now and again isn't exactly going to murder a herd of cows. I honestly don't think the staff ought to have to think about this kind of thing when there may be children there who have real problems with dietary restrictions for health reasons. And your daughter might not even decide to be vegetarian when she is older. Would it really bother you to let her have the sweets?

helsbels4 Thu 26-Feb-09 16:37:47

I'm not exactly sure what you are cross about either tbh. Your child hasn't got a life-threatening allergy, so it wouldn't be fair for the other children not to be allowed the sweets just because you have made a lifestyle choice for your dd and you don't want her to be upset when she isn't given any. You either need to provide an alternative for her, or start teaching her the differences of your chosen diet.

Lulumama Thu 26-Feb-09 16:39:40

agree wtih pretty much everyone!!

if you have chosen a vegetarian diet, it is incumbent on you to make sure there is something for your DD to eat when the others are given non vegetarian sweets/treats

not up to nursery to make her feel better about not having the sweets that you have decided she cannot have due to her dietary choice

if sweets are being given out every day, then you should be aware that this situation would arise and make sure that there was something she oculd have

you have made her diet different, so you need to think about how to make things ok for her, not for the nursery to do

if she had hte gelatin sweets you would have rightly been cross, so they are damned if they do,damned if they don;t

easiset thing to do is to provide nursery with a fwe bags of non gelatin sweets ( halal haribo, perhaps? ) and there you go , problem solved

SoupDragon Thu 26-Feb-09 16:40:33

You should have provided sweets that you think suitable for his kind of occasion.

ladyjeje Thu 26-Feb-09 16:46:35

i`m not that mad now btw.
i didn`t say anything yet to the staff,so now harm is yyet done.
i did let her have the sweet because her feelings are more important to me than the stupid gelatin.
it`s the way they handled the situation.
tbh it`s right that i only saw what happened when i came to pick her up.
i`ll ask them if she have been offered an altenative.
it`s just the shock of seeing her cry her eyes out and 5 child care proffessionals couldn`t think of a way to sort this problem out.
tbh it`s my fault not to think of an alternative before.
it`s just all new to me.

Tamarto Thu 26-Feb-09 17:25:44

it`s just the shock of seeing her cry her eyes out and 5 child care proffessionals couldn`t think of a way to sort this problem out.

Have you not explained to your child why she's not allowed them?

IMO it's not up to the nursery to do that but it is yours as you choose to have a restricted diet for her.

You can not compare allergies and the like to being a veggie. Seriously awful comparison.

If a child with a severe allergy came into contact with a hint of nuts they could DIE. So no they can't just be told to have something different hmm

supergluebum Thu 26-Feb-09 17:33:34

Sweets like juice have no place in a nursery. I am sure that they must have rules about this in place and those rules must had been forgotten about. If not then provide your own sweets for these occasions.
I had a similar problem with my DS nursery a few years ago where the rules stated that they would only give water or milk with meals and I picked DS up early to find him quaffing ribena with the rest of them! I didn't make a big deal of it but asked the nursery manager to review the terms with me. She agreed that they had slipped up and would no longer serve juice to any children. A letter came out and as far as I'm aware there weren't any repercussions, and the kids went back to drinking water and milk!
Allergies are a completely different matter though and nurseries are very good about food preparation. To that end I would be very hmm about food being brought from outside nursery for the children.

MuppetsMuggle Thu 26-Feb-09 17:35:05

My DD (4) has a severe allergy to bananas, so in the nursery she is in, I provide alternatives for snack time and pudding after dinner.

The nursery shouldn't have to provide an alternative, they just need to check no-one elses gives her a piece to eat - however i have had a long talk with DD and she knows not to eat banana and the reasons why.

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