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my 3 year old has just strated nursery and hates it

(9 Posts)
chanelreid Wed 17-Sep-08 22:27:59

He has been 4 times now and wets himself every time he realises he has to go. He screams all the way there and has to be prised off me (I'm not allowed to go in with him). He spends all the time he is there sitting on a chair by himself watching the clock. He does chat to the other children if they approach him but will not move from his chair. He is only going for an hour and a half at the moment but is supposed to go for three hours. Can anyone give me some advice please?

specialmagiclady Wed 17-Sep-08 22:29:48

Are you not even allowed in the room?????

Bowddee Wed 17-Sep-08 22:30:10

How are the staff trying to help him? Surely they're not leaving him in a chair. Are they not trying to engage him in any activities?
I think you need to have a serious chat with the staff.

MrsMattie Wed 17-Sep-08 22:32:42

That sounds really hard for you both. Why are you not allowed to stay with him? My son has just started a new nursery and parents are encouraged to stay with their child for (minimum) a week to settle them in, leaving them for 20 mins on the second day, 40 mins on the third day and so on... etc (he has been to two different nurseries previously where this was also the policy). Could you suggest doing this?

What are the staff saying about this? Are they making suggestions of how to make this transition easier for your little boy?

Lots of children find starting nursery stressful. There is nothing wrong with your son, he just needs time and TLC. If I were you, I'd suggest a meeting with the nursery manager / his keyworker before the end of the week to make a little plan of action for next week.

chanelreid Wed 17-Sep-08 22:49:47

Thanks. Will do this. I only found this out today (after his fourth session) and they only told me about it because i mentioned that my son told me he didn't do anything there. They said they weren't concerned and reckon he'll be alright in a week but i'm not so sure as he does seem genuinely quite traumatized by the whole experience.
I did take him a couple of times last term before he started and left him on his own for an hour each time and he was fine so wasn't expecting this though i did go in with him for a bit first both times. They won't let me come in at all now. It sounds like they talk to him and try to encourage him to play but haven't had any success and they haven't offered me any advice.

quaranta Wed 17-Sep-08 23:02:40

Oh poor you.Agree with much of what MrsMattie says. I would go with your instinct and try and stay. If he is wetting himself and screaming all the way there he clearly doesn't want to be there. Can you delay for a bit - he is only 3 - they don't have to go to nursery yet. Go and talk to the staff - they must have some strategies, although I have to say that not allowing me in 'at all' would not fill me with confidence that this was a place I wanted to send my boy if he was reacting in the way you describe. Do you have any other ideas or thoughts you could share with the staff ? Good luck by the way, you sound very in tune with your little one, and you have my sympathies, hope it can be quicly resolved.

chanelreid Thu 18-Sep-08 13:14:33

Thanks for all your advice and support. I have managed to get him into a different nursery as of next week which has a really good reputation. Fingers crossed he will be happier there.

quaranta Thu 18-Sep-08 19:52:08

Chanelreid! Well done, that sounds excellent. I think you have definitely done the right thing - the policy sounded extreme I will say now ! . Good for you - hope you and little DS blossom at the new one! Keep us posted.

chanelreid Mon 22-Sep-08 16:22:44

I sent him today to his new nursery and he loved it. Although he cried when I left he came out 3 hours later happy and keen to go back. He had a few paintings for me this time too. Such a relief!

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