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Will DS eventually settle in at nursery?

(14 Posts)
weeglenny Fri 29-Aug-08 09:45:49

DS is 11 months and starts at nursery next week 3 days a week (Wed, Thurs, Fri), and I return to work next week too.

He's been having settling in sessions with them for the past week, but the longest that I've left him was an hour and he was crying when I arrived back to get him. I'm dreading next week when he'll be there for 7 or 8 hours at a time, because I'm really not sure how he'll settle in .

I'm doubting my choice to return to work now, but feel as though it's too late to make any changes, either about my return date or about him being at nursery.

Please will anyone with a similar experience let me know if it worked out? I feel so guilty about leaving him, even though I was looking forward to going back to work...

onepieceoflollipop Fri 29-Aug-08 12:43:02

Hi weeglenny.

We have just been through this for the 2nd time round - dd2 is 12 months.

Have you asked the staff how your ds is while he is with them? ime they will normally tell you if he has been unsettled. You need to feel able to talk to the staff (and ring them during the day - lots of parents do that)

It is "normal" for him to cry when you arrive to pick him up when he sees you. My friend is a nanny and explained it is something to do with the fact they suddenly realise you had gone yet they were ok, so it is a kind of a relieved cry.

Are you generally happy with the nursery?

It is early days yet, but I kind of understand a little about your feelings. Both of my girls started nursery around 10/11 months (part time) and have really thrived there.

Vale Sat 30-Aug-08 19:46:14

Hi Weeglenny,

It is still early days.

I think it is very difficult to choose the right nursery and especially because you don't want to put your child through the experience of getting to know a new teacher and class mates and be left alone over and over again.

I am asking to myself:
- If a child enjoys himself at the nursery, should he be happy to stay and even sometimes cry he wants to stay longer? and excited to go back after the summer holidays?

My son started nursery at 18 months in September last year and after two months and an half he stopped complaining and crying.

He got attached to his teacher though, so when she took a lot of time off,( she was off for more than a month between june and July), we were back to square one.

Now after the summer holidays I am considering keeping him at home, because likely we work from home.

Vale Sat 30-Aug-08 19:51:42

I want to add that my son really thrived there, but isn't it normal for a two year old, they lean new things every day!

What I am trying to say is to look for the right nursery, make your homework, ask reference and then do not trust them, look how happy are the children to be there.

Jbck Sat 30-Aug-08 20:15:22

WG my DD2 starts next week same days as yours and we've been doing settling in for the last 3 weeks. She has cried a wee bit when I've left her, not each time but this week she's had a bit of the cold but is fine within a couple of minutes.

Each time I arrive I listen outside the baby room window and have never heard her crying yet when I go in she looks round and does a wee girny cry which I think may be exactly as Lollipop explains.

The staff are all very nice and seem to really enjoy the babies, the room has a lovely atmosphere even when there's tears.

Can you not stand outside the room for a few minutes to hear if he settles or would that be too painful? I couldn't the first couple of times I left. I don't do it now as I think she seems fine.

Is he especially clingy when he comes home, or seem unhappy? DD2 seems fine afterwards and always very tired so I know she's been busy smile

Maybe a wee bit longer period for him to settle would suit both of you better.

spicemonster Sat 30-Aug-08 20:22:03

Ye of course he will but I know it's really hard at first. I left mine at 7 months and he was absolutely fine. Then when he was just over a year, I had 3 months off and he was really upset to be going to his CM (I moved him from nursery) - crying when I left in the mornings and crying when he saw me in the evenings. 3 weeks in and he suddenly has started clambering to get out of his buggy when he gets there and clinging to his CM when I arrive to pick him up!

He will be fine. He will love his carers, he'll enjoy all the other children and secretly (even if he doesn't look that happy) he'll be thrilled to see you at the end of the day

bertiebear Sat 30-Aug-08 20:26:46

DS1 was exactly the same, and took 2 weeks of being there 3 days a week to settle in. A year later he absolutely loves it, so was definitely worth the stress.

Vale Sun 31-Aug-08 22:04:19

My child is especially clingy when he comes home, he seems unhappy. Do you reckon this is the sign that it is not a good nursery?

The nursery was recommended to me by many locals, (Italy).
I think their mistake is the routine, that doesn't suit a two year old, because he likes the carers, he learnt songs and his speech is really advanced for his age.

This the routine:
• After an hour of activity 9:30 to 10:30
• at 10:45 they feed them and
• at 12:00 after cleaning them, changing theirs nappies etc they put them to bed .
• at 14:00 they wake them up, children have free play and
• at 15:00 parents arrive to pick them up.

I think that my son doesn’t like to be forced to go to bed, he needs to play more.

weeglenny Tue 02-Sep-08 14:22:38

Hi everyone thanks for all your encouraging messages. I hope that he will start to enjoy it once he's been there for a few days/weeks, but I still feel terribly guilty that I'm putting him through all the stress and tears at the beginning

Joolyjoolyjoo Tue 02-Sep-08 14:29:19

Hi, WG. If it's any consolation I went back to work (just 2d) a couple of weeks ago, and ds (9mths) started nursery- and it's exactly as the others said! He cries when I leave him, to lay on the guilt (but we've found if they give him a bit of a toast he stops immmediately!) and when I listen outside, he has stopped. Then when I go back I like to peep in, and he always seems to be playing and happy- until he sees me! Cue more wailing like I've broken his heart. But I know from the bit before he sees me that he is happy and laughing- I'm sure they (babies) just know how to press our buttons! Both my girls went to nursery from a young age, though, and they both loved it, so I'm sure your wee guy will soon settle in and have a great time! Good luck!

redandyellowstripes Mon 08-Sep-08 19:57:47

Hi Weeglenny you poor son started morning nursery at 18 months and ROARED crying for 7 solid weeks....i don't just mean at drop off and pick up....i mean full on hysterics for the entire time ( i know because if i wasn't peeking in at him through the window i was on the phone every 20 minutes checking....!) Anyhoo, sure enough the day came where he raced in ahead of me and hardly gave me so much as a wave....I of course spent yet another morning crying my own eyes out in the car around the corner because thought he didn't love me anymore...ha ha not really just was such an abrupt turnaround wasn't quite sure how to handle Mr Independent although was really delighted! I was lucky in that I had huge support from the staff throughout the settling in period ( which I'm sure was supposed to have been considerably shorter than it turned out to be ) and they constantly reassured me that i wasn't Cruella de Ville to be leaving him sobbing his head off and that in the long run he woudl benefit....anyway roll on a year he is now 2 and a half and happy as larry so hang in there and my love to you it is very upsetting in the early days...give it some time xx

preggersplayspop Mon 08-Sep-08 20:11:11

Hi Weeglenny, my DS started nursery at 11 mo as well. He is now 16 mo. It took a good few weeks for him to get happy at nursery and he still has his days when he is a bit up and down, but generally he is well settled in and seems to enjoy himself there. Mondays tend to be worse as he has had 3 days off with me.

I was worried about nursery as I never managed to get him onto a bottle, he doesn't have a comfort object, and he was always breastfed to sleep....oh dear! The nursery staff are great though, they dish out loads of cuddles and kisses and manage to get him to sleep (admittedly not as well as when with me, but I'm still impressed that they manage it!).

He has loads of stimulation at nursery, they have loads of toys, get outside a lot, do different messy play every day and loads more activities than he would do with me. I am really enjoying being back at work now as well.

Although its hard at the start, it does get better. The best advice I had was to drop DS off, make sure he was in one of the nursery staff's arms for a cuddle, give him a big kiss and say a big BYEEE and then walk out and try not to linger. Prolonging the goodbyes just makes it hard for both of you.

missbumpy Tue 09-Sep-08 19:17:03

Arggh, I'm in the same situation. DD is 11mo and just settling in this week (for 3 days a week). She howled when I left her for an hour this morning. The nursery staff had to come and get me to go back in to settle her back down. She basically cried the whole time and was still crying by the time I got her home. I feel like I'm really traumatizing her. She's quite clingy anyway and has never really been left with anyone so I'm not really surprised that she doesn't like it. I just feel like my heart's been broken I can't bear seeing her so unhappy but I've got to go back to work so I don't have any choice Please tell me it gets better!

BouncingTurtle Tue 09-Sep-08 20:40:31

My DS (8mo) has just started nursery full time. He cries whenever I pick him up, but like Jooly, I've seen him happily playing through the window before I go in! I think he realises I've come to take him away from all the fun he was having smile
He always stops crying after a cuddle from me, and then he is always a happy little chap for the rest of the evening, so Vale I think I would be concerned if your ds seems unhappy and clingy when you collect him. I would expect a nursery to fit around your routine, not the other way round!
Weeglenny I totally understand the guilt thing, I've been feeling it too even though ds has settled into nursery beautifully.
I would go armed with lots of ideas of how to distract him - I told the nursery what sort of things he likes, especially what makes him laugh.

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