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My daughter cried when I left her at nursery this morning, and I feel very tearful now.

(29 Posts)
PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:01:28


She has been going to nursery since she was 8 months old. She had a bit of a clingy moment or two when she first when, as you would expect, but since then, its been like she forgets as as soon as she sees the toys!!!

Anyway, she has started being tearful and clingy again. She was like it for about 2-3 weeks, and then she was moved up to the toddler room (now 2) and ever since she has continued to be upset from the moment we start walking up the stairs to the room to when I leave her, sobbing, hugging me tightly.

I have been calling the nursery each time to see how she is doing, about 30mins to 1hr after leaving her, and they always say she is happy as anything now, and whenever I or DH collect her she is in good spirits, seems to have some friends in the toddler room.

She is fine in the morning, we talk about nursery and she is excited to go, its just when we get there she is upset. "no toys mummy, no toys, cuddles, peees, cuddles' sad

Its just breaking my heart this morning. She is never clingy like this and I just want to go back and get her and not go to work today sad.

Please tell me it is just a phase and will pass, so I can get up off my ass and go into work instead of worrying.

PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:02:13

oh btw, she goes once a week, and then every other week for another 2 hours. As of Aug she will be going 2 days, plus an additional 2 hours.

JackieNo Thu 24-Jul-08 09:04:18

It is just a phase, but I know how horrible it makes you feel. sad for you. It's happened to me too, not often, but it doesn't take much, does it, to make you question why on earth you're working at all. But you know that she's not miserable for very long, and is really enjoying it once she's there, and settled, so really, don't feel too terrible about it. It will pass smile.

shrinkingsagpuss Thu 24-Jul-08 09:04:44

it's a phase. About that age, my DS started waking in the night and shrieking for me or DH. it passes.

make as little fus, reassure her, give her an extra snuggle, tell her she'll be FINE. remind her at the end of a day what a lovely time she's had.

It is horrible when they get like his, but they need to see that you still have confidence in them, and in the nursery, and soon they get over this little phase.

pointydog Thu 24-Jul-08 09:06:33

It's harder when they only go once a week. The children who go more often know each other better and carry on their games from day to day. Dd1 first went to nursery for just one day a week and it was quite tough on her. So it might be easier come August.

cmotdibbler Thu 24-Jul-08 09:07:06

They do that sometimes, and as she's there one day a week with the transition to toddlers they can get a bit clingy on going in. My DS (who is full time) still does the clingy thing some mornings - until I've gone back out the door, by which time he's doing laps of the room as normal.

PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:07:57

thank you jackieNo and shrinkingsagpuss.

The nursery said 'go on she will be fine' and I said 'have a good day babie, i love you'. But she had little tears streaming down her face sad.

She is soooo happy usually, the only time she cries is when she hurts herself, like really hurts herself, when she is very tired, or very hungry and can't get her own way. So, its so hard to see her crying because I something I am doing.

,<talks to self> take a deep breath, another gulp of coffee and go to work>

I am already late sad.

TheOldestCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:11:30

My DD is in the toddler room at nursery and I've seen tearful children when their Mum or Dad is leaving. By the time I've sorted DD out and sat her down to breakfast, more often than not, said weeping child is fine and merrily tucking into their toast!

The days I work from home I pick her up at lunchtime and all the kids are happily playing or snoozing. Honestly.

I know how hard it is, but she'll be fine. Do feel for you though.

Dragonbutter Thu 24-Jul-08 09:11:40

are there toys in the toddler room that she is missing?
maybe you could ask to have a couple of toys move up to the other room with her so make the transition easier.

PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:12:34

Yes, that is part of why we are sending her two days a week from Aug, DH has a new job, and it works out well as she needs 2 days now and we had already talked about it as she will benefit from it now.

It guess it is coinciding with the transition into the big room, as although she was starting to be clingy before this, she was having 'taster' sessions there.

The one day thing though. She has been doing this for well over a year and it has been fine. I guess there is more going on in the toddler room.

And she is there for a long day today. I usually get her about 5-5:30pm, but today I have someone viewing my place (possible buyer) so we are not getting her until 6pm.

I guess it is not sensible to get her early on some days because I miss her, or don't want her to be upset, she needs the consistency doesn't she?

amidaiwish Thu 24-Jul-08 09:14:26

they can get a bit like this at that age, mine both did.
she may also have been getting a bit bored in the room downstairs so not enjoying it so much, then they moved her up and it's all different/new so unsettling.

can you try taking her in either early or a bit late? this worked when DD2 was going through this. If you can arrange for her to be first there, they kind of feel some "ownership" of the room, saying hello as the other children arrive, maybe even helping the staff give out breakfast or whatever they do first thing. Alternatively if you can bring her just as they are starting their first activity then she will be launched straight into something interesting. It is hard when they turn up at that "nothing" time when everyone is just arriving/settling in if she isn't feeling comfortable.

It is a phase and it will pass. Also agree that as she does more sessions it will actually be easier.

Now go and get a coffee and something nice to eat, it's hard(er) on you too.

PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:16:26

dragon that is a good point. Maybe. However the one thing I expect she is missing the most is not a thing and can't be moved up. That is a little baby about 7 months old in the baby room who she has taken a big shine to. She talks about her a lot and has even named a bear after her! I will ask them though. I am going to call them after the chaos of breakfast has died down.

On mondays when she starts going, it is apparantly really quite in the toddler room so the few that are there go down to play with the babies, which means she will get to see her younger friends again.

She has never been bothered about comforters etc, we took a blanket and a cuddly toy in when she was younger and she was not interested really, but now she has favourite bears/toys at home, would it be a good idea to have her take one of these with her, something familiar and safe? Or could that make it worse?

amidaiwish Thu 24-Jul-08 09:17:11

i wouldn't worry too much about consistency at picking up time. i picked mine up anytime from 3.45 to 5.59 depending on what i was doing and it was fine.

amidaiwish Thu 24-Jul-08 09:18:46

or if she is really unhappy in the morning maybe she could have breakfast in the baby room and someone then bring her upstairs? i did that with DD1 for a couple of weeks when she moved rooms and wasn't happy about it... it worked very well, i couldn't bear those teary drop offs!

PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:19:16

amidaiwish yes she was getting bored downstairs, she sort of milled around, whereas upstairs there is much more structure.

A good point about maybe taking her in earlier, she does like to 'greet' people, however, that means just before 8am shock.

PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:21:42

oh and a good suggestion about breakfast in the baby room too. So she can see her friends there before heading up to be a 'grown-up'!

I had become so used to having her running off for a cuddle, wanting to put her bag on her peg, saying hello to her little baby friend, it was sweet to watch.

Oh, I can't get her little teary face and voice out of my head sad.

One, more coffee. Then work. They are going to kill me!

Kewcumber Thu 24-Jul-08 09:23:56

its heartbreaking isn;t it Pavlov but as everyone has said it is a phase wnd she will settle down again.

DS went through this phase (again!) quite recently after we got back from holiday. There's not really any way around it just perseverance, not lingering nd being positive just as you're doing. Took DS about 2 weeks to settle down but he goes three days and if she's only doing one day a week then she really won't get used to it again very quickly.

PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:24:11

ok, no one more coffee. I am going in to work now. Take my mind of it.

By the time I get in and start work, I will call and she will be fine.

<breathes, in, and out, and gets up>

Thanks everyone, for the support and the suggestions.

Botbot Thu 24-Jul-08 09:24:16

My dd is going through the same thing. She has just turned two and 'graduated' to the toddler room. It's quite a big change at our nursery though, because it's in a different building five minutes walk away. She was really happy in the baby unit, but now she gets upset every morning (although it is dp who drops her off), is grizzly all day, and has become very clingy with me. She goes to nursery full-time, by the way.

It's really upsetting - I wasn't really prepared for how big a change it would be. I think she's missing her key worker from the baby unit as much as anything. And I suppose there's a huge difference between pottering around as the oldest of a bunch of babies, and running around as the youngest of a bunch of children - even though she knows most of them as they see each other outside nursery (I'm friends with some of the mums). I'm hoping this is just a phase - I feel really emotional about it.

Her best friend from the baby unit 'graduates' next week, and I'm hoping having her around might make a difference. And we're going on holiday the week after next, so we'll be able to spend lots of time together, which might help.

PavlovtheCat Thu 24-Jul-08 09:26:48

botbot - thats just how it is with DD, being the oldest of a group of babies, to the youngest of a group of rowdy toddlers!

You poor thing though that must be hard every day, at least mine is only once a week and she apparantly fine once I am gone sad for you.

OK I am defintely off to work.

YumeeMumee Thu 24-Jul-08 09:35:55

Just wanted to say that I feel for DS is just starting nursery and is having the settling-in sessions. He was totally fine for the first 2 and the 3rd was yesterday but he really didn't have a good day sad

I'm hoping it was just an off day but when I picked him up, he just wanted to leave immediately! The keyworker was trying to tell me how he'd been and he just kept saying 'home now'...'let's go mummy' with his bottom lip sticking out! I keep telling myself that the nursery didn't call me to come get him so he can't have been 'that' bad...he wasn't distressed just a bit unhappy about being left...he was fine initially, it was when he realised that I'd gone.

He's back there this afternoon before starting for 3 days per week next week. The staff are very reassuring and friendly but I too can't help but want to call the whole thing off and just protect my little one smile

Hope your situation improves soon.

theangelshavethephonebox Thu 24-Jul-08 09:43:21

My ds is 2.1 and we had the same thing when he went into the "big" toddler room a few weeks ago. It took a bit of time for him to stop saying "no go home" or "go downstairs" (his previous room was in a different part of the nursery) and some mornings he was really upset which was heartbreaking, as you know sad.

He is absolutely fine again now.

Botbot Thu 24-Jul-08 10:41:31

Just spoke to dp and she was much better this morning. So maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel.

This morning I adopted the strategy of bigging up nursery as much as possible - 'You're going to have a great time at NURSERY today, aren't you? Yes, at NURSERY you have lots of lovely toys to play with', etc etc - so I'm hoping that helped!

amidaiwish Thu 24-Jul-08 15:38:20

do talk about nursery at home, find out from their key carer what they'll be doing and talk about it... look at the menu board and tell them etc etc. it does help.

MummyToOneForNow Thu 24-Jul-08 16:01:20

My dd has just been doing something similar - has been going to nursery since 9 mths and is now 19 mths - it started when she went back after a weeks off with chickenpox a few weeks ago and hasn't improved yet - she has also moved up a group recently which probably isn't helping (although she had a very gentle transition). Some mornings are worse than others but I am assured it stops within a couple of minutes...

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