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Help - nursery fears

(11 Posts)
Midge25 Mon 21-Jul-08 22:24:42

Help - have come home in tears and feel like the worst mum in the world. My dd, 6m, is in the middle of settling-in sessions at nursery at the moment - I go back to work full-time in two weeks. At the moment she seems to react v negatively to strangers/noisy environments generally, and am not sure if this is developmental or part of her personality. She seems to get v upset at nursery if faced with either of the above, and the last couple of times I've come to collect her she's been hysterical and has been refusing her feed from staff, altho' will take it from me after a few mins to calm down. Today, I was told she had had a nap and played briefly before getting upset when older children came out to play and noise level increased in the garden. I want to foster as much social confidence in her as possible, but am worried this is all very traumatic for her? She has spent a lot of time just with me in the house due to a move to a new area and not knowing anyone with young kids - am thinking maybe it's all a bit of a shock after the quiet life? But also feel very bad if that's the case as I haven't given her a chance to socialise? Any words of reassurance or advice would be gratefully received

onepieceoflollipop Mon 21-Jul-08 22:31:26

So sorry that you are so upset Midge.

I haven't got a lot of advice but just a few thoughts. (both my dds have been at nursery from the age of 10 months, part time).

Talk to the staff, talk through your anxieties and ask how them can help your dd to settle. Are you 100% happy with your choice of childcare? Perhaps a nursery isn't the right environment for you/her or perhaps it is too early to say. Maybe they could reduce the time she spends with the noisier (and presumably older) children, at least in the early weeks?

Don't feel bad about not having given her a chance to socialise. Imo "fostering social confidence" isn't something you should be considering too much at the age of 6 months.

missorinoco Mon 21-Jul-08 22:40:11

my ds took ages to settle in nursery. started at 8 months (i spent a month sitting in reception whilst he cried inside for up to 15 mins.)

i began to doubt he would settle, and am wondering if you are thinking the same.

he did settle, and loves it now. don't have any clever tips other than to reiterate talk to the staff. ask them if they have any suggestions as to how to help settle your dd. i think they sometimes forget how anxious you are as a parent in that situation.


bossybritches Mon 21-Jul-08 22:44:26

In our nursery we have started asking the parents to come in &have a play with the children before leaving them for settling in sessions. They come together for short visits & when the time is right we suggest they (parents) come up to the office for a cuppa & chat /paperwork & see how the child is on the way out. Depending on the child mum will stay a bit longer or leave for a few hours & then increase the gaps as we both feel comfortable. Takes a bit longer but if the child is happier then parents are too & it's worth it

onepieceoflollipop Tue 22-Jul-08 13:33:14

How are things today Midge? Has your dd been to the nursery today as well?

MrsWB Tue 22-Jul-08 14:39:12

Hello Midge25. Have posted a reply to your message on the behaviour/development board in case you haven't seen it.

Midge25 Thu 24-Jul-08 20:34:28

Hi all. Sorry for delay in replying. My dd's had one further session this week and is due to have a full afternoon session tomorrow. The most recent session went a bit better - when I arrived to collect her she wasn't crying, which was a massive relief. Nursery staff said she'd been settled for longer periods which has given me some hope, altho am nervous about tomorrow as it's a much longer session. (She's only had 2hrs so far). Dd had still refused her feed though...

Thanks for all your reassurances and advice...just hoping I'm not about to get a hunger striking lo!

Midge25 Fri 25-Jul-08 17:44:57

Think I am getting a hunger striking one - went to collect dd today after full afternoon - staff said she'd been fine but had only taken a little milk and two spoonfuls of her fave yoghurt. When I arrived she was crying and v hungry - drank her bottle with me immediately. Dd starts full time on Mon - am panicking I'll never be able to stay at work as she won't eat for the staff, and all my hard work weaning will go down the pan....

bossybritches Tue 29-Jul-08 07:51:48

Midge how's it going/ if it's an reassurance she will not voluntarily starve hereself, chi;ldren very rarely do.

Once she's more settled she will start eating more and even if it's only small amounts it will keep her going and she will get used to it all.

We have had several babes like this at our nursery and they all get there in the end-it's the poor mums who suffer more, we all have that in-built "guilt-chip" from their birth y'see!!wink

Midge25 Wed 30-Jul-08 15:41:49

Hi bossybritches. Duplicated my initial post elsewhere - doh! - and have ended up chatting more about it on a different thread - but dd has started eating and seems much more relaxed. She been full-time since Mon and my heart is still in my mouth when I go to collect her - will she be okay? Will she be crying? etc etc etc - but hopefully things are improving. Thanks so much though - it's a relief to hear neither I nor she are the only ones!

bossybritches Thu 31-Jul-08 21:02:22

Aww glad to hear it Midge- it IS heartrending isn't it? I keep a special box of tissues in my office for my settling -in mums grin

(& choccy biscuits for REALLY bad days!!)

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