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should i put dd into nursery on my day off? [guilty emoticon]

(20 Posts)
Moomin Mon 24-Jan-05 08:51:44

i work 3 days a week and on these days dd goes to a childminder for one day and nursery for two. she loves both and we're very happy with them. next sept she will start pre-school, 5 mornings a week and her childminder will have her for the 3 afternoons i work. she's just qualified for her assisted place at nursery and i mentioned this to a friend who also works p/t the other day. she said 'oh great, you can afford to put dd in nursery another day then!' I'd never even considered this but have been giving it some thought over the weekend.

i never seem to have enough time to do my work at home (i'm a teacher) because i have dd on my days off. most weekends at the moment dh does overtime so i have dd for much of my 4 days off. this isn't a problem as such but obviously i can't do school work or stuff round the house (diy) with her around and i'm getting a bit snowed under. i have to do all my school work at night and dh and I aren't seeing much of one another. we're also starting iui/ivf next month and i'm starting to worry a bit about stress levels.
dh is very supportive and doesn't see that there would be a problem dd going to nursery for an extra day, but of course i've got a severe case of mummy-guilt. after all, i went p/t to be with her more and now i'm planning on seeing her less in some ways! she's 3, btw, and although she's much better company these days, she's definitely harder work mentally.
god i hope i don't sound pathetic - i know loads of people have a much harder time of it than me. any thoughts?

myermay Mon 24-Jan-05 08:56:20

Message withdrawn

nailpolish Mon 24-Jan-05 08:57:04

no, i think you are quite right to consider another day at nursery, even though you will be off. i work 3 days one week and 2 days the next, but on the week i work 2 days i still take dd to the childminder.

1 - she loves it.

2 - both me and her are better for it

i get housework/shopping/other boring stuff done that day, so im less stressed etc and happier when i see her, cos im not worrying when ill get it done.

if you can afford it, why not? its only another day, how many days will that give you and her together per week then?

nailpolish Mon 24-Jan-05 09:00:10

maybe a morning is a good compromise.

you do feel guilty, especially when you walk past the place where they are, i have gone on huge diversions to avoid this incase i see her or she sees me (i saw her once and burst out crying in the car, if she had seen me i dont know what i would have done)

with me, because some weeks i have to take dd 3 days a week, the other week s i stillhave to pay for 3 so i think to myself im paying for it i might as well take her, so maybe my situation is bit different that way

Moomin Mon 24-Jan-05 09:09:02

i think she'd have to go in for a whole day as the nursery was chosen as it's near to dh's work and the motorway for me to drop her off so it would be too much fannying around to take her for just half a day. if i did do it i'd take her for the short day (9-3.30) rather than the longer days i do when i work (8-4.30). I'd still be seeing her three days a week, all day, and a good chunk on the day i'm considering. i'm sure she'd be fine with it; she loves the structure and the socialising. i'm thinking maybe that the guilt will at least encourage me to do more stuff especially for her on our other day off together...

nailpolish Mon 24-Jan-05 09:16:57

thats what i found too, on the days im with dd i do more with her. xx

lunavix Mon 24-Jan-05 09:39:01

INstead of having two days with her with you racing around with the housework, getting your teaching work done and stressing, you'll have peace and quiet to complete it all in the one and spoil her rotten on the other... you can always trial it can't you?

HeyEnidYouveLostWeight Mon 24-Jan-05 09:42:43

hmmmm...don't think I'd do it though although can definitely appreciate the benefits...shame you can't do mornings only..this means that you'll only get one afternoon a week with her? Seems a shame as you only work 3 days...don't shoot me down for this, I work part time too and its just my opinion

beachyhead Mon 24-Jan-05 09:56:10

Don't feel guilty - if you get all your jobs done without here - hey, what good is quality time if it is at Sainsbury's - then you can have much better fun with her when she is at home - I work 3 days a week and on Thursday I have someone in to help, so I can get my jobs done, and on Fridays they are both in until 3.15pm. (they are 7 and 3). I made that decision because 1) I'm pregnant and frankly need a rest and 2) our weekends are completely job free and we get to spend time as a family out walking, bike riding etc.

wawawa Mon 24-Jan-05 09:58:31

I wouldn't, in that case you may as well work full time. Family time isnt JUST fun stuff - it involves chores too.

Twiglett Mon 24-Jan-05 10:04:17

why feel guilty?

.. a little time to do all the things you need to do whilst your DD is having lots of fun sounds to me like it will end up as a happier situation all round

You will be less stressed, able to do your work and have more time to spend with DD when she is with you

She will be in an environment she clearly enjoys

I see no point in feeling guilty

(I used to send DS to a childminder one day a week so I could have some me-time)

Nimme Mon 24-Jan-05 10:04:18

I had a little fling with going back to work (very fortunate that I can choose) and put DD1 in nursery 3 full days - 2 of which I worked. I needed and wanted a day to me - even if it just entailed going to the supermarket - but going alone! Now DD1 is in school and DD2 is a baby - I am plotting and planning how to get that day back.

Donbean Mon 24-Jan-05 10:18:28

OOOOH its a difficult one isnt it! I posted omething similar a couple of months ago as i too was agonising over this.
I work 2 days a week and was feeling guilty that Ds had little contact with other children and i wasnt going out enough with him so i thought of nursery for one day a week.
My problem was that i had such awful guilt feelings about this as i have always had the opinion that if i am at home then DS should be here with me.
I got some great replies from people and pondered on it for a week or so but then made up my mind not to put him in nursery as something that made me feel so very uncomfortable couldnt be right. Instead i decided to make a huge effort to get out with him. Now we go to soft play at the local gym twice a week, swimming once a week and i try to make a play date with friends and their children at least once a week so all in all it has solved my problem.
I have to do work at home peice meal, He is only 18 months so i have to do things like ironing in the 1.5 hrs he sleeps in the day and the rest of the house work around him.
I am doing a college course and do any of my work for that at night.
Its difficult and i realise that you have added extra work to do associated with your job which adds pressure, you certainly do not sound pathetic and i have every sympathy for you in making your decision.
If i could give up work and be financially secure i would hand my notice in tomorow but we are not.
Have you thought about reducing your hours of work further at all?

Donbean Mon 24-Jan-05 10:19:57

Sorry just read my post back and i went on and on didnt i, sorry.
Good luck in your decision

Moomin Mon 24-Jan-05 18:23:15

thanks for the replies so far. i know i sound like i'm trying to justify myself now, but it really wouldn't be like being back at work full time. anyone who teaches knows that it's far from a 9 to 3.30 job and if i did work 5 days, the work i'd have to do at home would go up proportionately - i really don't know how other full timers who have families do it!
I'd still be seeing dd for one full weekday and all weekend. I'd also be seeing her from 3.30/4.30 most days that i work, apart from the one night a week i have meetings. in this way, it's not as 'all day' as some full-time jobs would be (ie she wouldn't be in nursery 8 til 6 or whatever).
we still do chores at weekends as well - and not just so she doesn't think the housework fairies do it!). I'm just fed up with dh sitting on his own in the front room while i'm sat at the kitchen table with a pile of work with the only time i see him being when he comes in every so often to make me a cup of tea!
I don't think i'd be considering this if it weren't for the ivf - i'm anticipating the 'me-time' i might need, even tho i know this sounds selfish.

Moomin Mon 24-Jan-05 18:23:51

and no, Donbean, you didn't go on - thanks for your thoughts!

hercules Mon 24-Jan-05 18:24:08

I am a teacher and would jump at the chance of that.

hercules Mon 24-Jan-05 18:25:39

Dont feel guilty!

zeebee Thu 27-Jan-05 14:30:33

Moomin, hope I'm not too late to this. Know where you are coming from on the guilt and dilemma thing. I occasionally put dd in nursery on my day off (work 4 days) for the day or a half but always agonise about it. On these occasions I have to keep reminding myself that nursery is the only childcare we have and I probably wouldn't give a second thought to asking grandparents or other relatives to look after here if they were nearby. Like your motives, I usually do this when I have lots of chores to do or when I was feeling ill during early pg.

With regard to upcoming ivf, this would be the clincher for me as I think you have to do everything you can psychologically (and physically) to gear up for this and this sounds like a big hurdle and solution for you. This is not selfish at all but the best thing for all IMHO.

And you do see her a lot in the week for a working mother. My dd is usually at nursery 8.30 to 5.30 so never get the best of her at the end of the day. And nothing is set in stone, you can try it and stop if you don't like it.

Best of luck with ivf - and do you you have to do!! Sorry so long. HTH

SkiBunnyFlummy Thu 27-Jan-05 14:31:16

Absolutely, how else will you have time to catch up on all the latest movies.

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