Advice on leaving my baby at nursery when I am nervous about it.(11 Posts)
Hello, I am about to return to work and my baby daughter will be going to a nursery p/t for 3 months and then f/t. I would rather stay at home with her but I am on my own and I can't afford not to work. I am worried that although there are 2 carers (who seem friendly but quite young) between the 6 infants she may get ignored or found a nuiscence as she is quite a demanding little character.I guess I am just panicing as I have read different articles on the internet that say babies suffer from being parted from thier parents before they are 2. Says they don't bond as well and other scary statements like that. I feel terrible as I have no choice and I am so worried she will be crying for me and she won't understand whats going on....Am I just being an overly worried mum?
No Roo - you're being a lovely mum. If nurseries didn't work, millions of people wouldn't use them. However - hard work as it might be, go with your gut. Maybe look into another nursery (easier said than done) - I hear there are some around with WEBCAM, so you can look in at any time? Not sure which ones though..Good luck -it's really hard.
Roo, I think we all felt/feel the same. Remember crying when I picked mine up after her first day because she smelt of someone else's perfume.
Don't worry, she will enjoy it. How old is she by the way? IMO it's better to start nursery (if they have to go) reasonably early so that is is not traumatic.
The p/t and then f/t sounds ideal-you will both be able to ease into a routine gradually.
Forget the scarey stuff-good quality childcare is beneficial to BOTH of you. If the girls looking after her are young as well as friendly, they will have lots of energy to do fun things with your little one.
Tell them how you feel. In my nursery they were used to mothers weeping on their shoulders and were so reassuring.
It will go ago.You may even enjoy some grown-up time to yourself at work. I did!
Will go ok I meant!
(But second gorgeousgirl. If it doesn't feel right, find somewhere else.)
Respect to you, working and raising a child on your own!
The ratio of carers is normal. OFSTED expects a ratio of 1:3 for babies. It's really difficult to leave your baby and your feelings are completely normal. All nurseries should have an 'open door' policy for parents/carers - make a point of dropping in unannounced while you're still part time.
Hi I used to work in nurseries, and to be honest, the babies who were initially demanding, and very attached to parents usually benefited the most from nursery life, as within a few weeks they had gained a bit of independance and become to enjoy the variety and watching other children.
The staff will not find her a nuisance!!!! if they do they are in the wrong job. Children who were difficult to settle were often the fun challenges for our day. We'd thoroughly enjoy working closely with all the children and watching their characters come out as they settled into nursery life.
In my 10 yr career there were only ever 2 children i suggested gently to the parents it may be best they waited a while before starting nursery and this was after weeks of attempts, we just had to accept that they were not ready for it. But that is 2 out of hundreds.
You're not being an overly worried mum you are beging a normal mum!! Theres no pretending, it is horrid horrid horrid for mums on the first day of nursery, but we all get thru it!! and it doesn't take long.
As a parent i kind of appreciate the webcam's a little, but as a professional i have my concerns. Firstly, if parents feel the need for a webcam, they obviously don't trust the nursery and shouldn't use it. And secondly my concern is things can be taken out of context eg playfights could be seen as genuine, and all sorts of little things you do with children could be misread on screen, like y'know when you might pat a babies bum (with nappy on!) playfully, could a paranoid mum think it was a smack??
Sorry i have really waffled here!
Nurseries aren't all bad, children learn a lot of new skills when surrounded by other children to watch and copy, that they may not get the chance to at home all day.
I wish you well,
Thank you! You are right about them having lots of energy to play with her..I hadn't thought of that! My baby is 6 months old now and very cheeky, she pretends to cry and chuckles as soon as I pick her up!!She thinks she is being very clever!
I guess we will both get used to the nursery and after a few weeks it will just seem normal. I just wish they didn't print all these articles about it affecting them. Anyway I shall stop torturing myself by reading them!
She is clingy I think because it's just the two of us so it will probably help her like you say, she will get more independent and more confidence. My friend said it's usually the mum's who cry when they leave not the babies!
It's not easy to leave your baby with anyone. But at least your baby's six months I left mine at 3 weeks to finish uni. I say left - her with my mum.Bab mummy! Still I feel me and my daughter have a close relationship she's nearly 2 now and I'm the one she calls if she falls over. My partner works away and only returns at weekends so having that time alone means that you'll always have loads of bonding time. Don't worry about articles and stuff they are the reason why people think there is such a thing as a perfect parent. I think we're all trying to muddle through and do the best we can as situations dictate. You and you're little girl will be fine, and there are loads of positives with sending her to nursery as you mentioned it might make her more independent, secondly socialisation of children is good for them with regard to communication sharing etc. Sorry rambling on a bit. If you are being an overly worried mum it means you care! Can't fault you on that.
soemeone said to me when I left ds3 recently
" go on! he will love it and wil love to be away from his pesky mum"
this made me laugh and do you know what he does!
I wasn't sure about leaving DS (2.9) at a pre-school. I sent him for a couple of months but I still had a gut feeling that it wasn't right so I have stopped. Why don't you see how it goes? If it really isn't right then you will know and go with that feeling. I know sometimes we have no choice but to work and that can be very hard, I hope that you are able to feel comfortable about leaving her there.
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