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dd's first nursery settling in today: problem with another child?

(7 Posts)
bluemoon Tue 04-Jan-05 14:43:50

Dd's 2.3 and today was her first settling in session for nursery which she's going to attend 9-12pm 3 mornings a week. I think it went ok, though I've yet to actually leave her there which will be a different story I know!

The staff all seemed nice etc. and I was generally happy with things but for one thing. A new boy was also starting today, he's going to be full time and is nearly 3 but really big and stocky. He was so incredibly forceful and aggressive with the other kids and screaming and destroying everything in sight. I think the staff were quite bothered by him and they called his mum a couple of times as he got into frantic rages. They said she didn't want to do a 'settling in' period and had just dropped him off to start full time this week when he's never been to nursery before. They'd tried to persuade her not to do this but she said she thought he'd be fine and to call her if he got upset.

I was only there for a couple of hours and by the time I left he'd had about 5 or 6 kids in tears already and the staff were having to follow him around everywhere (he even tried to 'attack' one of them with some kiddy scissors) and it left me feeling pretty worried about leaving dd there until he settles down a bit more.

What would you do? Do you think his behaviour might be an extreme reaction to being left like that suddenly by his mum? If so it should settle down, no?

Twiglett Tue 04-Jan-05 14:47:13

Poor wee mite he's petrified .. he's never been left before and his mum just abandoned him without showing him its safe and fun

I don't think there's anything you can do .. just continue to watch and make sure the nursery are doing their utmost to involve the parents / remedy the situation

Yes he should settle down but it won't be easy for him after such a traumatic start

It will let you see how good the nursery staff are though

bluemoon Tue 04-Jan-05 15:04:18

Thanks Twiglett. The nursery staff were VERY good actually. They didn't belittle him but also they were aware of the fact that he was upsetting some of the other kids. He walloped one little boy very hard over the head with a large plastic teapot and he got an enormous lump and bruise immediately and screamed his head off (they had to phone his mum too!). One of the staff kind of whispered to me that the new boy's mum had described him as destructive and out of control and hinted that being at nursery might 'knock him into shape as she'd had enough'. So clearly there's some issues with his behaviour generally but I think leaving him like that is unforgivable isn't it? He wasn't verbally communicative so I guess this was his best way of expressing his outrage. Also I think it's a bit much expecting nursery staff to sort out his problems isn't it?

bluemoon Tue 04-Jan-05 22:09:23

any other thoughts?

misdee Tue 04-Jan-05 22:12:14

Sounds awful. but if the staff seem to be handling it ok, and have ressured you, then hopefully it eont be an ongoing problem. It does sounds like the poor boy is upset at being left by his mum, why didnt she go for settling in i wonder? did settling in with both mine at nursery, and i found it reassuring for me as well as them.

tamum Tue 04-Jan-05 22:14:23

I could only agree with Twiglett- poor little kid. I would hope he would settle down, but it doesn't in all honestly sound as though he's got that brilliant a relationship with his mother, does it? I think from your dd's point of view you just have to focus on the fact that the staff were obviously handling it very well. Presumably if he really doesn't settle they'll have to do something? I would maybe ask in particular if they could let you know how your dd seems in terms of reacting to the other children once you leave her there.

bluemoon Tue 04-Jan-05 22:21:05

No, I think the relationship with the mother is clearly strained. And I've no idea what would happen if he just didn't settle. Anyone else know?

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