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Hows best to leave my dd at nursery?

(13 Posts)
tammybear Mon 03-Jan-05 15:17:07

dd is very clingy to me, shes starting nursery next Monday and I will have to drop her off. Mums taking her this week to settle her in, and will be with her for the period that she is there. The problem is as dd is so clingy, she screams bloody murder when I leave her. No matter whether its me going out the door, or her going in my mums car without me, or leaving her at my mums, or even just leaving the room. I know Ill probably be upset leaving her as well. I just want to know hows best to go about it? If I say bye to her, she starts crying and barricades the door with herself to stop me leaving. If I dont say anything, I dont want her to think that Ive just left her. I know she'll get use to it, and that the staff at the nursery will try to calm her down or distract her, but is there anything I can do before she starts, or am I just going to have to bear it? Thanks xxx

PrettyCandles Mon 03-Jan-05 15:18:15

Why is your mum starting her, rather than you?

tammybear Mon 03-Jan-05 15:22:25

I start work tomorrow, and the nursery doesnt open again til wednesday as they have been closed for Christmas and New Year. I did want to take her myself but I cant, and my mum doesnt go back to work til next week so is more convinent for her to take her this week.

PrettyCandles Mon 03-Jan-05 15:30:15

You've no choice. Shame, because it means your dd is going through 2 leavings in the morning.

I believe in always saying 'goodbye' and also saying 'Mummy will come back at xxxx time' or whatever similar truth holds. 'time' might be an event rather than clock time. You need to be calm and consistent. Never delay the time it takes to leave her - don't rush away, but leave according to your timetable, not how hard she cries.

She will settle - it took my ds about 2-3w to go from Klingon to getting ecstatic when he saw me taking his nursery uniform out of the wardrobe in the morning.

PrettyCandles Mon 03-Jan-05 15:32:21

Over the first few weeks I always handed ds over to a member of staff - so he was always in someone's arms or holding someone's hand when I left. Even now, 2 years on, I make sure that a member of staff has made eye-contact with him and with me before I leave.

tammybear Mon 03-Jan-05 15:49:47

thanks prettycandles

bunnyrabbit Thu 06-Jan-05 14:25:26

Hi Tammybear,
My frind's DS is 2yr 4m and has been at nursery since 7 months. Up until recently he always had a screaming fit when she left him at nursery. She would always try and hand him to someone and say goodbye and then leave. She tried not to hang around, or go back after she had said good bye.

Apparantly he would stop screaming and start playing before she had even got back in the car!!!

Hope it all goes OK for you.


Merlin Thu 06-Jan-05 14:45:46

Tammybear - I think most of us have experienced this! It is heartbreaking but they do settle eventually. My Ds was the same when he started nursery at about two and a half - but the staff always assured me that usually within a short space of time he would forget all about me! Now (age 4) he can't wait to push me out of the door so he can get on and be with his friends!) Good luck.

wild Thu 06-Jan-05 14:52:42

Yes, usually someone at nursery will give cuddles & distraction and you can say a firm bye bye. It used to break my heart hearing ds's wails - but when I actually stopped outside the door to listen they did not last as long as I would have thought!. I was expecting him to be so upset after the Xmas break but he really was OK, it was me that was more stressed about work! Well done on your job TB i have been reading your posts and I know it was hassle getting all this lined up so many many congratulatoins and best wishes for a bright future for all of you.

KBear Thu 06-Jan-05 15:12:10

Tammybear, my DS is 3 and will going to pre-school next week and - he's been before but I have stayed there too (although I stayed away from him as much as pos IYKWIM by making the toast etc in the kitchen) - I'm worried he won't let me leave and will get upset. He's already said he doesn't want to go cos it's too scarey!..

Must be a bearcub thing.

tammybear Thu 06-Jan-05 19:55:21

Thanks girls, shes been fine in her settling in period. Just hope she'll be alright next week.

Kbear, that last line made me laugh

nicm Sat 08-Jan-05 23:26:31


i'm a cm. i think it's best to tell the baby/child that you are leaving and that you will come back for them. if they cry when you leave it's normally only until out of sight and then they settle quite quickly. i tell my parents to wait in the hall and listen if they are anxious. hth.

Fran1 Sat 08-Jan-05 23:52:09


I worked in nurseries before i had dd.

Obviously many children act in the way your dd is. And it is very distressing for the parents to start with. Try to prepare yourself as best you can so you can be strong on the day. Chat with a member of staff and ask them to take her off you once you've said goodbye and distract her. And once you've said your goodbye stick to it, going back only makes it worse and confuses dd. I did used to tell parents they were welcome to wait outside and listen because i was always confident that the child would stop crying pretty quickly with some wise distraction techniques!!
These children who seemed so distraught at the beginning of the day, normally settled quite quickly and would only cry again when their parents arrived to collect them!
Ring the nursery a couple of times to reassure yourself that she is ok. And ask them what they would do if she just doesn't settle - most will ring you if this is the case, so you can rest assured that no news is good news.

I wish you lots of luck, and will be having to take the above advice myself in a few weeks time as dd starts pre-school! For the first time i will be feeling the emotions of all those millions of parents i have comforted over the years!!
i could have it all wrong!

lol Good luck

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