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Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum.

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum.

Nurseries

I'm new to this nursery lark - can someone more experienced come and tell me whether i ABU please?

19 replies

theUrbanDryad · 08/02/2008 13:40

ds is settling in at nursery, and he went today despite having a bit of a nasty cough and snotty nose. he was very upset at being left and i asked one of the girls to phone me if he didn't settle within an hour. they didn't phone me so i went and picked him up at the normal time.

they said he had been quite upset, but was now settled in a cot asleep. the only way ds would have gone to sleep in a cot is if he cried himself to sleep, and i'm a bit concerned that that's what happened. also, if he was upset, why didn't they phone me?

anyway, when i got him home i noticed he had done a poo in his nappy. i changed him, but the poo was quite dried on, so had obviously been there a while, which probably explains why he was upset.

i'm wondering if i should mention this to the nursery manager. not them not phoning me so much - i don't know how upset he was throughout the whole session, but about them not changing his nappy. or am i being unreasonable?

TIA

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Volkl · 08/02/2008 13:45

When i have found an old poo (for want of a better expression) i've said the next day. "He'd had a poo yesterday when i picked him up, it looked like it had been there a while, would you mind checking a little more regularly as he gets terrible nappy rash"

This usually gives them a nudge and it doesnt happen again.

theUrbanDryad · 08/02/2008 13:46

@ "old poo"

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stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2008 13:50

Tricky one, that. I would (and do) fume silently, which is a particularly ineffective solution for all concerned. I suspect the right answer is to try and find a non-confrontational way of mentioning it - as in "DS does get very upset when he has a dirty nappy, so if you can't work out the problem it is always worth checking" - ??

TBH, as far as 'phoning you goes, they are damned if they do and damned if they don't, as many MN threads have shown. If you are worried about him I would be inclined to 'phone them after, say, 40 mins and see how he is doing.

theUrbanDryad · 08/02/2008 13:54

Stealth - i thought about phoning but i didn't want to seem like a fretful parent! they knew i wasn't at work today, and i specifically told them to phone, which is i suppose why i'm a bit peed off about it.

but it's the dirty nappy mainly. maybe i'll mention it on Tues (if i remember)

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stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2008 13:59

Hopefully someone with experience from the other side of this equation will come and share some wisdom, but IME the fact that I have told them that I am at home and available doesn't make any difference to the point at which they will call me. Now the "glass half full" version of that is my DC have always been fine but I am not 100% convinced - and nursery staff have always told me that they would rather I called than that I worried (although they were probably doing this behind my back )

I like Volkl's wording on the nappy thing.

theyoungvisiter · 08/02/2008 14:01

hmm... tricky one -

ok first things first, nursery staff generally have a pretty high tolerance of what constitutes "upset", at ours they generally only phone if the child is really unwell/hysterical. They will expect a tears during the settling in period as inevitable so I don't think they were being unreasonable in not phoning.

the cot - well I truly didn't believe DS would go to sleep on a mat (which is what our nursery does) but he does at nursery, quite happily.

The poo - it's hard to say if this was bad practice or just that he might have done it just as he was going to sleep so it would have been dried on by the time he woke up, iyswim. I would wait to see if it happened again and if it did, I would mention it as in "Could you make a real effort to whip his nappy off as soon as he poos as he's prone to rashes" or whatever - not accusatory, but that ought to do the trick, and if it doesn't then go in with a more specific "I have noticed that DS is not being changed very fast".

That's what I'd do anyway...

theUrbanDryad · 08/02/2008 14:07

see, i'm getting myself all worked up now, because he sings for nappy, and i'm getting all upset thinking that he might have been signing away for someone to change his nappy and no-one did!

someone, please, tell me i'm being absurd.

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stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2008 14:08

Have you talked to them about what signs he knows and how he uses them?

choccypig · 08/02/2008 14:09

Sings for nappy [musical emoticon]

theUrbanDryad · 08/02/2008 14:10

just noticed my typo in the previous post. "sings" for nappy!! if only he did.

Stealth - they don't do signing at his nursery, i couldn't find one in the area that did. they know milk and food and drink, but the nappy one is less obvious, and just looks like he's patting his tummy.

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theUrbanDryad · 08/02/2008 14:11

they do, however, do singing.

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choccypig · 08/02/2008 14:12

You're not being absurd. How would any of us like to sit in poo? I can see they wouldn't wake him up to change him, but once past the first few months, most children don't poo in their sleep. Or do they? People with experience of more than one child might disagree.

PortAndLemon · 08/02/2008 14:12

"the only way ds would have gone to sleep in a cot is if he cried himself to sleep, and i'm a bit concerned that that's what happened."

My DS will sleep at nursery in ways he'd never consider doing at home. I don't know if it's the peer pressure of having the other children napping at the same time, or the nursery staff having amagic touch, or what, but he does.

I might be tempted to ask about the poo, but he might have done it just as he was going to sleep, I suppose. If you haven't run through his signs with them you could use that as a useful refresher session/way to introduce the subject.

stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2008 14:13

So maybe there is a "two birds with one stone" opportunity here - show them how he signs nappy and mention that he was dirty when you picked him up?

DS's nursery didn't "do" signing, but they still learned to understand such signs as DS knew and used (which were not exactly textbook anyway as I was fairly half-hearted about it at home )

stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2008 14:13

So maybe there is a "two birds with one stone" opportunity here - show them how he signs nappy and mention that he was dirty when you picked him up?

DS's nursery didn't "do" signing, but they still learned to understand such signs as DS knew and used (which were not exactly textbook anyway as I was fairly half-hearted about it at home )

theyoungvisiter · 08/02/2008 14:13

the thing is - to a certain extent you just have to trust them. They need to get to know your DS and you need to get to know them.

So, maybe this time they didn't know/couldn't work out that he was signing for a nappy. But as they get to know him better (and as you tell them about things like this) they will work it out, and you will feel better about things too.

A settling-in period is just that - there will be teething problems but try to see it as a learning curve rather than them "failing" somehow.

If in a couple of weeks you truly feel he's not being properly looked after, that's different.

stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2008 14:13

oops - new laptop - touchpad - sorry!

stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2008 14:16

seconded, portandlemon. Both my DC have settled to sleep far better at nursery than at home (except when DD decides to (try to) keep all her friends awake by chatting and playing "row, row" with her doll instead, which the staff fortunately find very amusing!!)

theUrbanDryad · 08/02/2008 14:16

thanks everyone. i'm feeling a bit wobbly today! i might mention it on Tuesday and go through his signs. "Nappy" is one of the less obvious ones, and they've been really good about picking up on his milk, food and drink ones.

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