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Opinions please. ds1's kindergarten keyworker smokes. Should I be bothered?

22 replies

berolina · 09/01/2008 17:03

We started ds1 (2.8) at kindergarten (mornings incl lunch) on Mon. He loves it (has not been left yet, dh is settling him in, but there were tears when time to go home twice so far), we are happy with the place (ethos, activities, food etc.) and very happy with the staff. I have been coming to meet him and dh at the end of the morning, as after the settling-in period dh will be taking him in on the way to work and I'll be picking him up. This lunchtime I arrived just as his 'keyworker' (the woman settling him in) was finishing for the day, and as she left the work experience lad went to his pocket and got out a packet of cigarettes and gave her one. I looked a bit and the other staff asked me what was up. I explained and they said she certainly doesn't smoke when at work/in front of he children, but tbh I'm bothered about it being on her clothes/hair/breath and transferring to ds1. (Am not so bothered about work-exp lad as he won't be there forever and has less contact with the children). And if it does, will ds1 then pose a risk to ds2 (3.5mo)? Neither dh nor I have ever smelt smoke on her, despite having met her several times before starting ds1, and when we looked at the place we didn't ask as I think we assumed childcare workers don't smoke .

I am, if I say so myself, usually a sound and sensible type and not PFB-ish, but I have zero perspective on this issue as I am a rabid ex-smoker (smoked years and years ago, as a student, for 2 years and stopped very easily) and, especially recently, sick to the back teeth of dh and ds1 going to ILs and coming back smelling of smoke even though MIL doesn't smoke while they're there. I don't take ds2 there at all for that reason and don't allow her to hold him (I will when he's older and the SIDS risk has subsided), which is causing a bit of a family rift. Am I overestimating the risks of this situation? I just feel instinctively unhappy about it, although I have really clicked with this woman otherwise, and it seems ds1 has too. My very first impulse was to pull ds1 out, but I really don't want to upset or unsettle him unnecessarily, and he is enjoying it. dh isn't bothered, although he detests smoking. Should I be?

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Tamum · 09/01/2008 17:07

I am not sure it's a problem to be honest. Quite a few of ds's key workers smoked, but since the children never saw it I didn't mind. The amount that could be transferred from your ds1 to ds2 would be infinitesimal I would have said.

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berolina · 09/01/2008 17:11

Tamum (thanks ), that's what dh thinks, and I think it too I suppose, but my stomach really did a lurch when I saw it today. Possibly my reaction has more to do with MIL ishoos (of which the smoking is just a part, albeit a pretty crucial one).

Oh, I am a bit OCD (as in the disorder, not the colloquial don't-like-shoes-in-the-house use of the term). Possibly smoking is becoming one of my triggers.

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Tamum · 09/01/2008 17:11

Sorry, that was meant to be reassuring but sounds a bit unsympathetic!

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berolina · 09/01/2008 17:13

God no, not unsympathetic at all This isn't something I need sympathy for anyway - just opinions/perspective! Don't want to rashly pull ds1 out of a good nursery.

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Tamum · 09/01/2008 17:13

Oh good, you've forgiven me I can see the problem with your MIL actually. I just think if you could think in terms of molecules transferred from ds1, and then how many of those are transferred to ds2, it would probably be scarcely possible to measure.

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FioFio · 09/01/2008 17:13

This reply has been deleted

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berolina · 09/01/2008 17:15

how are things fio?

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berolina · 09/01/2008 17:15

(thanks for your view btw. Think IABU )

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PortAndLemonaid · 09/01/2008 17:17

I think if she only smokes in the evening after she's finished work and wears clean clothes to work the next day it's unlikely to be a health issue for your DS1 and pretty much impossible to be a health issue for your DS2.

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cestlavie · 09/01/2008 17:20

Ditto Tatum. Risks are absolutely tiny (if at all present) for DS1 - even assuming the key worker smoked a lot outside the nursery, the only way he would be affected in any way would be for (i) her to have smoked a sufficient amount for her clothes to absorbed the chemicals in the smoke (i.e. not an inconsequential amount) and (ii) DS to be in regular close contact with her, which, let's face it, is pretty darn unlikely for a toddler. And even assuming both of these the actual amount which would get into his (healthy 2 year old) system would be miniscule and would, I think, have no effect on him. Can see your concern, but I wouldn't worry.

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berolina · 09/01/2008 17:24

OK, IABU and happy to be as don't fancy various stresses of pulling him out. It is still somehow not at all a nice thought, I must say. I am going to chat to her about it - they are all very approachable, the parents are supposed to get involved in the running of the kindergarten, it's a bit of a co-op really (our first cleaning shift is tomorrow! )

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Tamum · 09/01/2008 17:25

That could be useful, you could tut tut very loudly at having to sweep up all the fag ends

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berolina · 09/01/2008 17:25

Tamum

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madamez · 09/01/2008 17:29

Appreicate that if you have a tendency to OCD you can't entirely help it but my first thought was Oh FFS! What she does in her own time is her own business, and the risks of 'passive' smoking are becoming hysterically exaggerated these days (probably on behalf of other polluting industries who don't want to be looked at too closely).
Certainly her smoking outside of nursery hours/outside the building wil not harm your DC.

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ComeOVeneer · 09/01/2008 17:30

I am curious when you say you are going to chat to her about it. What exactly are you going to say?

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belgo · 09/01/2008 17:31

berolina - some of the staff in dd2's creche also smoke, outside during lunch time, and even though I hate smoking, I really don't see this as a problem. As long as they don't smoke in front of my children, which they would never do, because they are very professional.

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berolina · 09/01/2008 17:34

madamez - FFS all you like I did indicate I myself wasn't sure whether it needed to be a problem.

COV - I think I'll just check with her she really doesn't smoke e.g. when taking the children out.

belgo, how are you?

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belgo · 09/01/2008 17:44

I'm fine thanks bero. I'm reminded of my experiences of smoking when I first moved to Belgium six years ago - the attitude towards smoking was very different to England. I worked on a hospital ward treating heart attack patients, and a lot of them were heavy smokers, but absolutely not allowed to smoke while in hospital. Despite this, the nurses on the ward would smoke themselves in the ward's kitchen, letting the smoke waft throughout the ward. These were otherwise very good nurses.

One time I went to the blood tranfusion dept to pick up a bag of blood for a patient. The lab technican working there had the bag of blood in one hand ....and a lit cigar in the other!

Fortunately, the whole hospital is now smoke free. Oh and they also serve beer and wine in the hospital canteen

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berolina · 09/01/2008 18:14

Beer and wine? The Germans don't quite go that far

The longer I live here, the more not-immediately-obvious cultural differences I notice. The smoking thing is just one of them. There are whole gulfs in approaches to some parenting issues.

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belgo · 09/01/2008 18:16

yes don't get me started on the parenting issues! It's not that I'm particularly bothered about what anyone else does, but they all seem to be bothered by the way I do things! (even though I consider my parenting fairly average in most ways, not extreme at all)

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berolina · 09/01/2008 18:21

whereas I blink in bemusement at what the other parents do here

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nurseryvoice · 09/01/2008 18:45

I have 1 staff member who smokes (only on her break) outside the premises as of course smoking is not allowed inside our even in our grounds.

I insist that after smoking they wash their hands.

i also cannot stand the smell.

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