Suddenly getting upset going to nursery

(8 Posts)
rumandbiscuits Tue 15-Dec-20 12:52:43

My LG is 3 in April and since starting nursery again in September she has been absolutely loving it. She was even asking if she could go on weekends! She goes 3 days a week 9 until 3.30 seems to have made lots of friends and always cheerful when I pick her up.
In November they changed the dynamic there because of covid and bubbles and a reduction in the amount of children going. They but the babies (from 6 months old) in with the toddlers (up to 3 years old) and then put a lot of the staff of flexi furlough. So her keyworker who she has a good bond with now only works one of the days she is in. On top of this they would like her to start pre-school (which is in a different building) usually she wouldn't start until April but because of the changes (I think they need more room) they say she is ready so have started to try and do hourly transition sessions there. Last week she got every upset and said she didn't want to go over to the pre-school for lunch as planned so they didn't push her. Since then she is crying when I drop her off at nursery and also crying the night before nursery saying she doesn't want to go. It's so out of character for her and I'm not sure what to do. I have spoken to nursery and told them how unhappy she seems there atm but feel helpless otherwise. Has anyone else been through similar?

OP’s posts: |
Fandabydosey Tue 15-Dec-20 17:34:11

That concerns me under 2s should not be mixed with 3 year olds. It is part of the EYFS legal framework. There is specific guidance referring to under 2. Even with the disaplication which ended in September it wasn't allowed. I am not sure if the new teir system has changed it in dome areas. As for her getting upset does she say why she is getting upset. It can be daunting for little ones going into a room with older children. The move needs to suit the child not the setting. There is a bigger ratio with 3 year olds too. Under 2s are in a 1:3 ratio 2-3 year olds are in a 1:4 and 3-4 year olds are a 1:8 maybe the busier room is too much for her?

simonisnotme Tue 15-Dec-20 19:49:06

this sounds a right dogs dinner, they are thinking of saving money instead of looking after the children properly. babies need their own space as do 2 yr olds and the staffing ratio as ^^pp said should be adhered to, also if the nursery person in the preschool room is a QT then the ratio can be 1 - 13
no wonder shes upset

rumandbiscuits Tue 15-Dec-20 20:07:58

Thank you both for your replies.
I agree they seem to be putting money before the needs of the children and it's really upsetting because I couldn't fault them before all of this. I don't know if this makes a difference but they are a private ran nursery so aren't rated by ofsted, instead they have a different body rating them (unsure of the name of them now though). So maybe they don't have the same regs regarding ratios and age mixing?
It just seems either way she's not going to be happy. Staying in her old room that she used to love just seems chaotic now with all the babies and extra staff she doesn't know, plus her keyworker being on flexi furlough so only there one day a week.
Then if she moves to the new room having to go through the tricky transition stage being with older children and only being 2, she is still so young. She told me today that she was hot at nursery but couldn't tell the ladies sad i assume this is because she felt to shy. It made me feel really sad for her.

OP’s posts: |
Tumbleweed101 Tue 15-Dec-20 23:49:51

If you're in England they should be under the EYFS and OFSTED regulations even if they are private - not sure what regulations are in other countries.

Ratios are back to what they were so she should be in a 1 adult to 4 children ratio at 2yo.

Under 2yo are 1/3 ratio. 2yo are 1/4 ratio and 3/4yo are in a 1/8 ratio.

Tumbleweed101 Tue 15-Dec-20 23:51:30

3/4yo can be in a 1/13 ratio with a qualified teacher but there should be a L3 nursery staff member with them too.

PsycholgistMum Fri 18-Dec-20 13:14:48

, I'm really sorry to read about your little girl's experience.
As upsetting as it is for you, your little girl appears to be giving an 'appropriate' negative response to the sudden disruption to her -predictable- life. Her upset will tell you how important those experiences being at that nursery, with those children and with that key nursery worker were to her previously.
There is a developmental process that is going on which appears to be suffering at the moment. I would like to suggest this is the focus of your concern.
It is the development of the social self, the deep psychological process of ‘allowing the outside in’. This is a psychological- emotional- behavioural opening up of the self to trusting and building self confidence in being with the others. This building of the social self depends on repeated experiences -like all learning does- until the social self can confidently emerge without any need for constant modelling or presence of a key attachment figure. The changes in the nursery, the unpredictability of the presence of a key nursery worker might no longer cater for this developmental step. This is upsetting for your little girl who feels, unconsciously, the loss of emotional security at the nursery. . She is “asking you” for consistency in her routine, and within that the predictability of emotional security, that is for the same key person to be with her. The nursery undergoing sudden multiple changes presents a world to her that is beyond (a child of) her (age) ability to cope with in the absence of a secure attachment figure.
In my opinion, based on scientific studies in neuropsychology and personality development, missing going to the nursery is a lesser negative consequence on her development than is forcing her to attend. For it is most important for her is to avoid uncertainty and upset become a pattern in her routine. Whilst she might be missing out on play time she will not be stressed out by feeling insecure and therefore afraid to learn through exploratory play.
Psychologically I would stress that the context of her learning will become the qualifying factor of what is being learnt. Being placed in a situation repeatedly away from you where her mind will link socialising with feeling insecure and upset will leave a lasting mark on her personality given this is a key developmental stage. How you respond to her in this situation will make a difference. As a rule of thumb being Reflective in your parenting is most important to her right now. Good luck.


rumandbiscuits Tue 22-Dec-20 22:54:10

@PsycholgistMum thank you for reply. It is all very interesting how the mind of a child develops. I love her more than anything and hate to think of her upset or feeling insecure. I am hoping that when she starts at the pre-school in Jan she will form a bond with her new keyworker who will be there all 3 days of the week that she is and she will begin to feel a little more settled there. I feel I have no other option than to keep her in nursery because I work and need that childcare.

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in