Child keeps being hurt

[MrsJCR]

I need some help please! For coming up to a year my son has been coming home from nursery with injuries inflicted by one specific other child, poked in the eye, claw marks (not just scratches) on his face, pushed over, smacked in the head with toys etc and its now a weekly issue. My son has just turned 4 and the other child is the same age. The nursery says it is not just my child being hurt but others too, they say they have repeatedly told the other child's parents they need to improve his behaviour but there are never improvements. Sometimes my child is beside himself at being hurt yet again and other times he shrugs it off. Last week he had 7 scratches on his face (2" long, both sides of his face) and we told them enough was enough and they had to do something, they agreed and said they try and encourage the children to only play with children that are nice to them ie not this boy and that they wish my son "would just do something" to make the other boy stop, he's the biggest boy in the group. But today yet again I picked him up and hes been deliberately injured. Please, what do I do now? It can't go on but to take him out would be to punish him when he has friends he loves seeing and playing with there, how do I make the nursery take real action not just for my son but the others they have said are being hurt?

[Beetlebum1981]

Can you report to Ofsted? They're clearly not safeguarding your son and aren't doing a good job of managing the other child's behaviour.

[growinggreyer]

Your son will make friends at other nurseries or child minders. Find alternative provision, they don't care and they are ineffective.

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

Well there's very little point in them telling the parents to improve their child's behaviour and not doing anything to deal with it themselves, unless their objective is to shame the parents. Many kids go through difficult phases and they generally grow out of it, shifting the blame by shaming the parents just makes everyone unhappy. The nursery need to have someone dedicated to keeping an eye on this child and being nearby enough to intervene before there is an injury.

Ask them to give you a plan to keep everyone safe. Make sure that you state that you are not blaming a four year old, nor the parents who are not present at the time of the incidents, you are holding the nursery entirely responsible for safekeeping. It's particularly ineffectual and pathetic of them to transfer responsibility onto your son (who is only four) for keeping himself safe.

[OverTheRainbow88]

I would inform nursery that if my child is hurt again deliberately under their care I will remove my child from their setting and make a formal Complaint to ofsted.

I would also make a written complaint to your nursery manager and say you want a reoisnse with an action plan within a week or you will escalate to the local Authority or ofsted.

How shit for you, but please speak out for your child. And don’t let them fob you off

[OverTheRainbow88]

What a response that was meant to ssy

[Mippi]

Move your child to a better nursery!

This has been an issue for a year - the nursery should have tackled the behaviour long ago.

I'm surprised you have continued to send your child into this situation? How would you like to go to work every day not knowing if someone was going to attack you!

[converseandjeans]

Keep a record of when he's been injured and email the nursery every time it happens. Clearly the other child isn't coping in the setting - but that's not your child's place to help sort his behaviour out. Can you move him?

[MrsJCR]

Thank you ladies, I will go in tomorrow with a written formal complaint and ask for action plan and tell them I will be dealing with ofstead if it happens again, I hadn't realised that was an option and will hopefully ensure something actually happens.

[MrsJCR]

thanks, we are speaking to them every time and they have a record as we have to sign the incident forms. I could move him but he loves the carers and the other kids and is settled in all ways except this. He has a huge thing about being kind so when we say to tell the other boy he doesn't want to play i just get told thats not kind mommy!

[MrsJCR]

Mippi its actually the best nursery for a very long distance and is rated as outstanding by ofsted. If he didn't look forward to going to see his friends, enjoy learning huge amounts and wasn't coming on leaps and bounds in all other areas then we would have pulled him earlier. But he loves going which is the hard part. How would you like to be told you can't go to do a job you love and enjoy and get lots from just because someone might decide to be an idiot to you?

[ComicePear]

I agree with other posters that the nursery's response to this is awful. It's no good telling the boy's parents to do something about his behaviour- the nursery staff are the ones supervising him when it happens, it's their responsibility to deal with this and to safeguard your son. Definitely move him if you don't get a proper response.

[ScarMatty]

Report to ofsted

Remove from that nursery

It would massively concern me that if they cannot complete a basic duty of keeping your son safe then what else are they failing on

[Abracadabra12345]

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

Well there's very little point in them telling the parents to improve their child's behaviour and not doing anything to deal with it themselves, unless their objective is to shame the parents. Many kids go through difficult phases and they generally grow out of it, shifting the blame by shaming the parents just makes everyone unhappy. The nursery need to have someone dedicated to keeping an eye on this child and being nearby enough to intervene before there is an injury.

Ask them to give you a plan to keep everyone safe. Make sure that you state that you are not blaming a four year old, nor the parents who are not present at the time of the incidents, you are holding the nursery entirely responsible for safekeeping. It's particularly ineffectual and pathetic of them to transfer responsibility onto your son (who is only four) for keeping himself safe.

I agree 100% with this. I work as a Senco in a preschool and I am appalled at the nursery’s attitude. What is going on, that the other child is continually lashing out? What are they doing to manage his behaviour and its causes? There could be all sorts of things. As the pp says, many kids go through difficult phases and shaming the parents in this way rather than say what THEY are doing is simply passing the buck. The parents aren’t there; they have entrusted the nursery to look after him.

It’s shocking that your child has been coming home with these injuries on a regular basis. “Oh, it’s not our fault..it’s your child’s fault..it’s the other boy’s fault..it’s the parents’ fault.” Why aren’t they taking responsibility? What are they doing to keep your child safe?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar has put it much better than me, so good luck tomorrow

[Mippi]

@MrsJCR

Mippi its actually the best nursery for a very long distance and is rated as outstanding by ofsted. If he didn't look forward to going to see his friends, enjoy learning huge amounts and wasn't coming on leaps and bounds in all other areas then we would have pulled him earlier. But he loves going which is the hard part. How would you like to be told you can't go to do a job you love and enjoy and get lots from just because someone might decide to be an idiot to you?

They might have been amazing on the day of their inspection, but if day to day they have been allowing one child to injure multiple other children for over a year without putting anything in place to prevent it, then they are not a good nursery.

[croberts1208]

Now I'm new to the nursery environment so no judging here but I would speak to the parents. They might not know their child is acting in this way. But also I would be more strict with the nursery.

[Smellbellina]

That’s ridiculous, they aren’t protecting your child adequately and goodness only knows what he is learning about having to be understanding of people hurting him. The other DC probably has a lot of support requirements but that is for the adults in the nursery to manage effectively, not your DC.
If I was you I would kick off, this is the time to ‘be that parent’.

[Doveyouknow]

Echoing other posters, the nursery seem to be shifting the responsibility to everyone (including your son) other than them to sort out. They need to have a clear plan to keep your child safe and help the other child with his behaviour. Otherwise they are failing both of them....

[Bupkis]

@MrsJCR

Mippi its actually the best nursery for a very long distance and is rated as outstanding by ofsted. If he didn't look forward to going to see his friends, enjoy learning huge amounts and wasn't coming on leaps and bounds in all other areas then we would have pulled him earlier. But he loves going which is the hard part. How would you like to be told you can't go to do a job you love and enjoy and get lots from just because someone might decide to be an idiot to you?

In my experience, Ofsted aren't great when looking at how settings deal with things like challenging behaviour/SEN...I don't know if it's just not considered very important.

The setting are failing in their duty of care to your son, the other children and the child who is presenting with challenging behaviour.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

You can’t speak to the parents yourself sorry.
I’m no precious parent, I understand kids can hurt other kids but every week?! No I would have a meeting with the nursery manager and without a plan remove my child.

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

The thing about speaking to this child's parents is that they do obviously need to know what's going on, but 4 yr olds are very much 'in the moment' so the parents can try all they like at home but the child still needs someone to hover near him/her at the nursery because he/she won't be thinking about last night's parental lecture when they are overwhelmed by emotion that they don't know how to deal with.

[OverTheRainbow88]

I’m glad you’ve got a plan.

I would give them a clear deadline by when you want a response with an action plan.

It does almost feel like victim blaming by removing a happy child from a nursery because of another child’s behaviour.
Hopefully nursery will up their game and resolve this so your child doesn’t have to be moved, but if it keeps happening I personally wouldn’t keep my child there.

Bets of luck

[Jessy2903]

Formal complaint for sure.
One child kept biting my son over and over, but not when I went in and basically kicked off they finally done something !

[minipie]

As a PP said, they need to have a staff member shadowing this child so they can find out what is triggering the violent behaviour and come up with a strategy to help teach the child alternative behaviour in those moments. All discussed with and reinforced by the child’s parents. The shadowing will also help protect other children from injury.

In your shoes I would say this to them and if they do not agree then I’d be looking elsewhere sadly.

[minipie]

they wish my son "would just do something" to make the other boy stop, he's the biggest boy in the group

This is pretty shocking - are they suggesting that your son should hurt him back?

[ChalkDinosaur]

That sounds ridiculous.

I've worked in schools with children who had very challenging behaviour, so there were more incidences of children hurting others than in a mainstream setting, but there is no way we would have let a situation like the one you're describing continue.

Nursery should be adequately supporting the child with the challenging behaviour, not turning a bling eye to them repeatedly injuring others. This doesn't sound like a good situation for anyone. I think firmly requesting an action plan is a good way forward.