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settling in blues - looking for reassurance!

(8 Posts)
lilysma Tue 11-Sep-07 13:07:29

I'm sure (or rather hoping) this is very common, but I'm having a bit of a nightmare settling my dd (nearly 10 months) in at nursery. We've built it up slowly, starting with visits with me there, then leaving her for an hour, then a bit longer, then a couple of mornings - all was fine. Then I took her in for an afternoon session on Friday and she apparently cried inconsolably for the full two hours I left her sad. Tried again this morning and she was fine for a bit and then it was the same story sad. Can anyone reassure me that this sort of thing happens and she'll get over it without any lasting damage?? The staff have suggested I start leaving her little and often so she gets used to the idea that I come back. Sounds okay but I'm due back at work in a week's time. The staff seem to be dealing with it okay by just cuddling her while she's upset and calling me, but obviously I can't keep on going to get her when she's upset for ever. Any tips on ways to approach this?

babyblueiloveyou Tue 11-Sep-07 15:38:44

Be reassured - it is very common, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant for either of you! I had a nightmare settling in ds2 when he was 13 months but (yes, you guessed it!) he loves it now! It was a big shock because ds1 went in on his first settling in session, didn't give me a backward glance and stayed the whole day!
It sounds like the staff are being helpful and supportive which is very important - my nursery were great in that respect, they used lots of cuddles and constant distraction. All I can suggest is what I did, a big hug and a proper goodbye. (you can then have a good cry out of sight!) If your dd is anything like my ds, not only will she get over it without any lasting damage but she will get more out of it than you'd think possible at the moment! Good luck!

lilysma Tue 11-Sep-07 20:32:32

Thanks babyblue. She screamed blue murder when I left this afternoon, with a big hug and smile (and then crawled away to sob!) but apparently she calmed down after a while and she was playing happily by the time I came back an hour later. Phew! Still not sure how we're going to get to a full day within the next week though - I'm due back at work a week today for three days a week. Fingers crossed!

babyblueiloveyou Wed 12-Sep-07 13:37:23

Sounds as it it's getting better already! Maybe if you hadn't come back after an hour she would have continued to play happily?
Just thought of something that might make you feel a tiny bit better. My DS1 (who always waltzed in without a care in the world) used to scream blue murder when I went to collect him blush I was convinced that one day the nursery staff would refuse to hand him over smile

lilysma Thu 13-Sep-07 11:23:03

LOL babyblue grin. Mine was doing this for the first few times I took her in. It seems a bit up and down with her at the moment - yesterday morning she cried on and off apparently, but not inconsolably. She had a good yell when I left her this morning but no call from the nursery yet...

lilysma Sat 15-Sep-07 20:42:23

Oh god, she's still crying for most of the time she's there (every morning this week). The staff say she's not hysterical as she was last week, but cries on and off all morning sad. No tears, apparently, but she just seems furious. The staff say she gets even more cross when they try to hold her, so they end up putting her down and trying to interest her in some toys. Every now and again she forgets to cry and has a little play, but then suddenly remembers and starts up again. When I come to get her she immediately smiles and is fine once she's in my arms. The staff say they've seen it all before and she'll be fine, but it makes me feel so sad and guilty sad. I'm due back at work on wednesday so am planning to carry on doing half days next week. Does this sound like a good plan or am I just prologing the agony?

itwastheoysters Wed 19-Sep-07 15:55:51

lilysma - wondering how it's going today? Hope things have improved smile

itwastheoysters (name changed from babyblueiloveyou)

lilysma Wed 19-Sep-07 21:08:47

Thanks for asking Oysters smile. I was just coming online to update...

She has suddenly got much better in the last couple of days after a whole week last week of crying all the time. Yesterday she suddenly stopped crying most of the time and today she was fine - just in time for my first day back at work the little sweetheart grin. She still screamed when I left, but apparently stopped after a few minutes. She even had a little nap there shock. I did a half day today and will extend it a bit more on Friday (my next day back at work) with the aim of doing full days next week. Hope it continues!

Thanks for your support.

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