Please tell me it gets better

[Spagbol88]

Hi, I'm sorry this thread has probably been done to death.
My 9 month (nearly 10 months) old dd has been to 4 settling in sessions so far at a nursery next door to my work. She's cried pretty much for the duration of each (2 hours long). She never ever cries, she's just a happy, chilled baby and so seeing her so upset and sobbing is breaking me :(
I'm due back at work in just over a week and I guess I'm looking for reassurance that this will pass. Any advice etc. Of how to help her settle would be great too. Thank you x

[AWaspOnAWindowReturns]

It will most certainly pass. It's a horrible feeling while it's happening though. 💐

[Spagbol88]

Thank you. I feel awful, I'm going in to work and having meetings and I'm so distracted :(

[RogueV]

It will get better I promise!
DS was the same 3 years ago and now DD 13 months starts her settling in sessions next week. I’m dreading it but I know it will get better

[Chocolateandchats]

I’ve worked in nurseries and I have children who I put in to nurseries and I promise you it’s always so much worst for the parents! Children are fickle and easily distracted and she’ll soon get used to her new surroundings and start enjoying it. My children both took a while to settle but once you’re through this part it gets good, they start enjoying it and you look forward to picking them up and seeing the excitement when they tell you about the things they’ve done. Hand in there OP.

[Chocolateandchats]

Hang in there even.

[Spagbol88]

Thank you. Did it just happen suddenly? I know she just needs to get to know them so they're not strangers. I need to be strong but she's my only child and I wasn't prepared for this. It's made me contemplate quit work which is silly really. Thanks for posting

[redrobin123]

Oh god, it's so completely horrible when you first have to leave your baby at nursery. In a couple of weeks it will be your new normal though and you will feel so much better. Just got to ride the wave until then. I'm about to put DD2 in and although definitely not as bad as I felt with DD1 still feel terrible. DD1 absolutely loves nursery now though, she's come on so much and has some lovely little friends.

[Spagbol88]

Thank you. That's good to know.

[Spagbol88]

That's good redrobin, I guess for you it must feel a bit better this time around. I just want her to be happy. I feel like I'll never be able to do my job properly again!

[Roomarmoset]

I ended my maternity leave earlier than expected as I took a job closer to home. It meant DD had to go to nursery earlier as well and I was dreading it.

She was unsettled and cried for a while but now I go to pick her up and she doesn't want to leave! So don't worry it will get better I promise you!

[Mangoandlimes]

My son did this and it was awful, so you have my sympathies. Are you happy with the nursery? If you are I would stick at it and see if she settles. If you aren't (we weren't due to a few things we'd seen during settling in) and we took our son out and found other childcare.

[Spagbol88]

Thanks both. The nursery is great and literally half a minute from my office so it's super convenient. If she is ill etc it means I can collect her. It's also term time only so as a teacher it's ideal for that reason too.
I know she is going through a clingy stage etc. I just wish I could make it easier for her some how. By the time I'm back in work I'll have done 6 settling in sessions.
I wanted to go back part time but as a head of department they couldn't accommodate me. I'm on the look out for a new job with more flexible hours, but needle in a haystack springs to mind! Humph!

[HeyAssbutt]

Hi OP. I've been a nursery nurse for 12 years and this is completely normal. I work in the baby room so know exactly what you're going through. It feels like it takes forever but she'll definitely settle. The best thing to do is not show her you're upset or stressed as she'll pick up on it. It's also the best thing to hand her over as quickly as you can and leave. I know its heartbreaking to see her crying but if you hang around it'll make it worse and she'll take longer to settle. Be strong! She'll be loving it in no time. Hugs

[WonkyDonk87]

Going through it at the moment with my 12 month old. She sobbed through the settling in sessions, and I suspect was held for almost all of her first few days in nursery. We're a few weeks in now, and progress is slow but there. She still cries at drop off, but now waves at me as I leave which is heartbreaking AND adorable. She's now able to explore and play for periods, although still needs lots of reassurance and cuddles. Considering we'd not really been apart for a year before she started (plus EBF and co-sleeping), I think it's pretty good going. Knowing that she's eating and sleeping whilst there is reassuring too.
Quick drop offs are key. You can chat more with staff at pick up if needed when you can cuddle her at the same time.

[Spagbol88]

Thanks so much. On Wednesday I lingered for a while to try to settle her but tomorrow when I go I will try to leave quickly. Thank you!

[Spagbol88]

Thanks wonkydonk, sorry you've been through it too. They make us feel so guilty!

[WonkyDonk87]

Oh, and don't be worried if she cries when you pick her up too. Mine always does when she spots me, but I've learnt it's a different cry. She's not upset, just overwhelmed/relieved/happy to see me, and those are big emotions for her to manage so it comes out as cries.

[redrobin123]

OP you most definitely will be able to do your job, it'll just take time to get used to your new normal. I've found I'm so much more productive in work since having children because I'm actually enjoying using my brain.

And the days that you have with your DC will be even better because you'll cherish them more.

In a month you'll look back and wonder why you were so worried, the anticipation is really the worst part I promise!