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Don't know what to donot happy.... its a long one sorry

(10 Posts)
Tryn2hrd Sun 19-Aug-07 14:05:44

Sorry about this but I'm at my wits end and cant decide what to do. My DD (2) is currently going to nursery 3 afternoons a week (this is her second nursery) She has been there for 10 months and always loved it. I haven't always been thrilled with it but since DD is dropped off by FIL and picked up by SIL I dont really see the place so it became out of mind out of sight DD always got a daily report that kept me happy as I kind of knew what she was doing. But we went on holiday and as soon as we came back DD was moved into the toddler room (only recently found this out) without any setling in etc I wasn't thrilled with the size of this room as its a tiny box room and had already said to DF it might pose an issue later as DD has lots of energy to spend. DD now hates going to nursery she used to run out the door but know when I tell her that she is going she crys and says she wants to stay at home with mummy. She knows I have to go to work so she has now started saying "go to work with mummy too". I thought it was maybe just a seperation thing but when she stayed over at my Dads she done the same with him. I know she is fine when she gets there but we don't get daily reports, I have no idea what goes on there is no attempt to inform us of any developments, issues etc. Its hard enough leaving her and going to work but not knowing these hours in her life is killing me. We have to guess when she comes home whether she ate anything etc. Also as I dont know what to expect from a nursery toddler room in terms of helping developments etc I am a bit at loss what to do as some of the nursery nurses are not the most intelligent people in the world. I dont know if I am just freaking out and I know its not a good idea to move your LO's around too much but looking at other nurseries I can see the one that was great when DD was small is not so great for 2+. Can anyone help??? please x

MightyMoosh Sun 19-Aug-07 15:41:59

You're right not all settings/carers are good for every age group. Moving your DD without informing you was very out of order no question. The lack of communication, daily reports etc is worrying, one thing I know as a nursery nanny is how important it isthat parents are happy and knowledgable. Speak to a manager as soon as possible, make a list of things to bring up. Any change in a nursery, oving room or new staff member etc will cause regression but use your instincts to judge if DD is just readjusting to a new environ or is distressed. How long will she be in the toddler room? Im suprised its small as the toddler room is usually the largest in a setting, as they are so energetic and need personal space- tantrums etc.

Tryn2hrd Sun 19-Aug-07 16:11:31

Thanks for your reply, I too was surprised at the size of the room but it is a small nursery but there is about 6 toddlers in the room and she will be there for a year. She has regressed to wanting her dummy alot and has become very clingy since moving room. I am going to go down myself later this week to maybe see for myself how she is and to have a chat about what we can do. Its quite hard cause I want wants best for my DD but dont want to appear neurotic

NAB3 Sun 19-Aug-07 16:13:37

You are not being neurotic. You need to go and speak to the staff and find out wht is happening.

DynamicNanny Sun 19-Aug-07 16:15:48


I worked as a keycarer at a nursery until recently (Thursday in fact) and can see that there seems to be little comunication between yourself, SIL, BIL, and the nursery.

So lets address this in stages

1. You have been sending your child to a nursery you have doubts about - what are/were the doubts? Did you ever try and speak to anyone at the nurser - or was it out of sight out of mind

2. DD always got a report in the 1-2 room but doesn't now. Ia 1 -2 room you wil have up to 12 children at a time and writing daily reports for them all is a chore, now up the ratio from 1:3 to 1:4 and you get more children (most 2 year old rooms have over 16 children at a time) which makes it more impossible to get a staff member to take the time to sit out and write the reports.

3. Visits - Most nurseries will try and get a child to visit the next room up a couple of times before they move up - however if the child goes on holiday for a considerable time before hand it may make it easier to put the child straight up instead of getting the child reused to carers/routine etc before moving them on again. Again we usually discuss this with parents/carers were SIL/BIL asked ? - I do find it quite strange you have nothing to do with your child's nursery.

4. You say that the nursery nurses are not the most intelligent people in the world - may I ask you about Piaget and his schema's, what a zone of proximal develpment is, etc and so forth, Yes some nursery nurses may not be intelligent - are you saying that parents are more intelligent than us?? because I can not agree - yes you know your child best, but we are trained in childcare and know what's best for your child, and try to encompass that in all we do during a nursery session.

5. Could it be that your daughter is picking up on your vibes about nursery, you don't seem to like the staff, the nursery etc, but you are still willing to send her there.

I am sorry if I have caused offence but I want to clarify a few points.

Tryn2hrd Sun 19-Aug-07 16:41:01

Hi Dynamic Nanny Thanks for your brutally honest post (no you have not caused offence) okay breaking down into your stages

1) Yes I had doubts re cleanliness etc as repored by their care commission reports. This was raised at the time of sending DD there and was assured that their were being redecorated, a cleaner has been employed etc. Yes a case of out of sight out of mind did occur but that did not mean I didn't care and DD settled really well and was happy so that made me happy to overlook some of my issues. We were assured that we would have parents evenings newsletters etc that would help with communication but this has not materialised.
2) As a small nursery they had only 6 children in the baby room at a time and again 6 children in the toddler room so there has been no change re ratio and time to write reports etc.
3)I appreciate that may have been the case of moving DD after her holiday and as its a small nursery I did not think it would have caused an issue. I do not have much interaction with the nursery as it is 10 miles away from me and I do not drive and I start work 15 mins after DD is picked up. Unfortunately my employer was unwilling to negotaite my hours to allow me to take DD to nursery and as a I work into the evening I do not collect her. DD was put into this nursery as I was ill and it was DF decision as I was hospitalised. DF does not have the issues that I have either
4)To clarify I did not say ALL nursery nurses are not intelligent, just in this particular one. I am not looking for highly educated being to develop my childs genius I do though expect them to be able to spell correctly and talk proplery especially whne in proximatey to developing minds. obviously the spelling is not an issue until DD is older but if she is still tere it wil be. Also to point out regarding this particular nursery I have recently been told that they are not all qualified in nursery nursing so hence not entirely sure if they know what is best for my child.
5)I am aware that my vibes can affect DD but do not make an issue of this to her and reassure her in the mornings that she is due to go by telling her its time for nursery today, she going to have lots of fun play games with staff etc. I do not personnally dislike the staff I have met and they are very caring to DD which I do like. We do not have many childcare options in this area and as we receive no help in costs we are again limited in options.
I do appreciate your reply and realised that I would be interpretted in this way and it helps to have an objective perspective. cheers

DynamicNanny Sun 19-Aug-07 18:04:03

Hi, I am sorry if I did offend - but when you read hundreds of posts on here saying how parents don't like the nursery, or the nursery staff it does make you wonder why you never say anything!!

As a nursery nurse there have been times that I have hoped that parents would say stuff so that management would have to pull their finger out. Anyway I digress....

1) Cleanliness - obviously thats an important part of nursery life and if you're not happy tell them. Nurseries are going to get dirty and unclean but for the sake of children's health it is important that everything is cleaned at least weekly - as a nursery nurse we have to clean our toys on a weekly rota (yep - we educate the children, clean equipment all this for just over 10k a year and you wonder why we have a high turnover )

At our nursery we had 2 parents evenings a year but again due to management this wasn't well advertised and they would only tell parents a couple of days before hand. Again newsletters were sent out on a very adhoc basis - what I always guessed was supposded to be monthly were sent out every 2 -3 months, and with spelling mistakes again this was done by management!!!! Obviously the staff are there to speak to you and to discuss anything could you not go in early one day to speak to the room leader- or possibly take a day of work so you can pick up your child and speak to the staff then.

2) What are your rooms at the nursery 0-1's, 1-2's, 2-3's 3-5's, if so the ratio will have changed from 1:3 - 1:4 when she moved into the 2 year old room, it does seem strange that there's only 6 children in a toddler room anyway most nurseries stop writing reports when they get to 2 as they don't sleep at a set time so there is no time to do reports.

3)I am sorry that you were ill

4)Sorry again for jumping the gun and assuming you thought that all nurser nurses are unintelligent - again I think this stems rom the fact that at the nursery I used to work at Management would send letters home with spelling mistakes on and I got used to pointing them out to parents to ensure they knew that I could spell - I have my a levels (english language being one of them ) and the NNEB equivelant so am quite clever

I am not looking for highly educated being to develop my childs genius I do though expect them to be able to spell correctly and talk properly especially when in proximatey to developing minds. I would suggest that you mention this to the nursery manager and just say that you have notice a couple of times that things aren't spelt correctly and as you are paying them as an educational facility - you're not happy - I would and am indeed waiting for this to arise as I find bad spelling appaling!!

Also to point out regarding this particular nursery I have recently been told that they are not all qualified in nursery nursing so hence not entirely sure if they know what is best for my child - yes unqualified staff can be taken on but it should be that 2/3 of staff are qualified at least and in a room with 3 or more staff 1/2 should be qualified.

5)My thoughts on this seperation anxiety is to ignore it - you just say it's timefor nursery - I will see you whenever and then drop her off with whomever, which I am sure you already do. Hopefully with sometime this issue will resolve itself.

MightyMoosh Sun 19-Aug-07 18:15:11

I do have to agree on the pay front, I hope parents realise how much nursery staff get paid, in Cornwall at least its near impossible to get a job paying over minimum wage, when if I was cleaning your home I'd get a much better wage! sad but true.

pinkandsparkly Mon 20-Aug-07 21:12:22

Ditto the crap pay comment, I earn the same wage working in a make up factory as I did as a baby room supervisor in charge of 12 week old babies! Job satisfaction certainly counts for a lot as a nursery nurse!

NappyValley Tue 21-Aug-07 10:56:51

Taking a seperate tack, I have to say I have had a simialr experience with behaviousr with my DS. When he moved from babies to toddlers he did not settle well and was very clingy and found it tough as the age range was quite wide. But I did get notified and had a look round and me the staff in the new room and we had a settling in book for the first 3 months with daily updates - I think this is just to ween us mummies off the need to know exactly what they have been doing. BUT there are notice boards to tell me what they are doing and eating on a particular day, asn I do get a verbal update when I collect him, of how he has eaten and also if he is naughty!

It took maybe 4 months for him to really settle and now he loves it so much last week he said no no no when I went to take him home!!!

I understand your anxiety and worry, I know I found it very tough with the change of room (probably more than DS!) but I have to say it really is worth talking to the staff directly. Do you work full time or could you go in on one of your days off and spend a few hours there, so you get a beeter feel for the place and how it works. That alone might alieveiate your concerns and also help you decided if you want to change nursery.

I think that you should always look at at least 3 nurseries before making a decision and they do have a different vibe in them.

Does that help?

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