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Ds upset since starting nursery

(7 Posts)
Stargazermummy Fri 01-Nov-19 21:37:43

My ds is a 1 year old who has always been a happy boy. He has never been clingy, always smiled and giggled alot. Since starting nursery 2 months ago, he has become very clingy to me. He goes 3 times a week. I find that he isn't smiling as much as he used to and has started to throw himself on the floor, bang his head and has started to hit my 11 month old niece.
His sleep is really troublesome at the moment and he refuses to eat at home, although his nursery tells me he eats well there.
I don't know what is going on and I'm really concerned. The staff at the nursery tell me he is absolutely fine at nursery and engages well with others, sleeps well and eats well.
I don't know if I should pull him out of nursery and find another one? Or whether this is normal behaviour?

OP’s posts: |
itsaboojum Sat 02-Nov-19 09:22:30

It certainly doesn’t sound normal, but it may or may not be down to the nursery attendance. Correlation doesn’t always signify causation.

Its easy to say try another nursery, but if his behaviour is a reaction to change, the last thing he needs is more change.

Can I ask what you did to prepare him for nursery?

I think you need to talk this over with his nursery key worker and possibly health visitor in the first instance.

GrumpyHoonMain Sat 02-Nov-19 09:27:04

It’s probably combination of the excitement at nursery and being overtired. Does he nap there or at all? As for his eating when and what does he eat there, and how does that fit in with food at home? In my case the problem was that DN was being given a huge snack at 4pm which meant she didn’t have room for our usual dinner at 6pm so I asked the nursery to reduce the portion size and it sorted it out. I would suggest working to get a new routine for him that fits around nursery

Stargazermummy Sat 02-Nov-19 11:00:11

Grumpyhoonmain I have asked for the nursery menus so I can make the same things he has there but he still won't eat them if I try them on another day.
His last meal at nursery is tea at 3.30pm. I then give him his dinner at 6pm and bed at 7pm with a bottle of milk.

Itsaboojam, ds did stay with various family members on a number of occasions so he could get used to different environments, adults and children. He's always been fine during these times. Never had any issues. He deals with change relatively well.
He did have 4 settling in days over a period of 2 weeks before I went back to work.
I always give him lots of cuddles and always tell him mummy will be back, even though he probably doesn't understand that.
I'm not sure what else I can do to prepare a 1 year old for nursery. He does nap for approx 2 hours at nursery midday. However at night he is waking every 1-2 hours. Some nights he has been inconsolable, although this is getting better. At first we put it down to his ear infection and then teething but these are now resolved.
He's had sleep training but this all went to pot when he started nursery.

OP’s posts: |
itsaboojum Sat 02-Nov-19 11:40:11

The key factor for settling in is whether a child is used to being without parents and family. Those settling in sessions are more about childcare providers getting used to the child, and parents learning to live with the new situation.

The behaviours your DS is exhibiting commonly relate to frustrations with communication, self-expression, and/or inability to control the situation they’re in.

If the problem is at nursery then its odd he should be exhibiting such behaviours at home and "fine" at nursery. Tbh I tend to be a bit wary of nurseries offering up the non-specific "he's been fine" message. I would be requesting his key worker do a few days of detailed timed observations covering what he's doing, his mood, level of engagement, behaviour, etc. Also, detailed information on what/how much he is eating.

Before any planning or progress can be made, need to know the full situation: if there really is a huge difference between his behaviour at home and at nursery.

GrumpyHoonMain Sat 02-Nov-19 12:07:19

Try a later bedtime if dinner has to be at 6 (or, preferably move dinner to 5 if possible). It’s possible he isn’t getting enough time between dinner and bed.

Stargazermummy Sat 02-Nov-19 19:30:54

Thanks aboojum, that's helpful to know.
I did wonder about how truthful the nursery are when they keep telling me he's been fine. They tell me he feeds himself which I'm not sure I believe, as he hasn't quite mastered putting the food on his spoon and into his mouth. He tends to eat with his hands and can dip the spoon in.
I'm worried about his clinginess and sleep. I have left messages for the health visitor and I'm trying to let ds dictate the time we have together so he feels more in control and feels his needs are met.
I will speak to his key worker about having detailed feedback and I will take it from there. For now, i'll have to monitor the situation.

OP’s posts: |

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