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Advice really appreciated - crap and horrible situation...

(33 Posts)
munchkinmum Sat 28-Jul-07 21:52:41


Will not go into details (long story) but would like some opinions on how I can address this issue...

Basically I have had a major run in with the proporietor of my dd's nursery. During a 'discussion' with her, she offended me, personally attacked my character, said to me "if I wasn't so professional I would smack you" and also tried to use a separate issue to 'smokescreen' the complaint that I had made to her nursery manager that she had then paased on to the proprietor of the nursery.

I have been so upset/angry at this and want to address it - but not with her directly. Ofsted, from an initial enquiry, have said that they are not likely to be able to address it (and they pointed out it is my word against hers re: the smacking threat).

Who can I go to, what should I do? One thing is for certain is that I just cannot let this go - her behaviour is truly shocking.

Sorry if this is long and a bit shady on the details, but the lead up to this is a very long story that I cannot put in this thread...

Support much appreciated mumsnet mates....

Yurtgirl Sat 28-Jul-07 21:54:20

Is your dd still attending the nursery?

mamazon Sat 28-Jul-07 21:55:42

i would go to the local paper and see if they would be able to run a story, explain your initial complaint and the subsequant threat.

tell them you feel it important to warn other parents about sending their children to a nursary run by a madwoman

Lostmykeys Sat 28-Jul-07 21:57:50

Withdraw dc straight away as I expect you have, and then spread the word about how she has treated you to other local parents and professionals. It will soon catch up on the old bag.

Katymac Sat 28-Jul-07 22:00:51

Can the Nursery Owner not "deal" with it?

If there is no other way to solve the issue then I would perhaps 'log the threat' with the police - especially if you felt very threatened

binklehasflipped Sat 28-Jul-07 22:04:08

assuming you have withdrawn your dc(s?) and Ofsted say they cant intervene, what outcome do you want?

Is it just the issue of her saying she'd like to smack you (a personal matter) or other issues you want to address which could be dealt with by the relevant governing bodies ie bad working practices

munchkinmum Sat 28-Jul-07 22:05:40

kept dd away from nursery on friday - owner has sold nursery as of friday to another person.

Owner still has another nursery a few miles away.

Wondering if Local Authority could be an avenue for complaint? Have considered the police but as many people have said that it is my word against hers.... I have no witnesses.

munchkinmum Sat 28-Jul-07 22:08:09

Feel that owner/proprietor has acted inaapropriately in both her manner and also the way she has dealt with a valid issue that I bought to her.

Want an apology at least from her and recognition that she has no right to speak to ANYONE like that and that she get down from her high horse.

Katymac Sat 28-Jul-07 22:12:39

Sorry I got manager/owner confused

You complained to manager
Manager told owner
Owner & you had words & she threatened you
Owner leaves

Where does the manager stand in all this?
Does manager know Owner threatened you? Either with evidence or by hearsay (ie you told her)?

UCM Sat 28-Jul-07 22:14:58

To start with you should tell us which nursery it is, god knows, another MNetter might be sending their children there.

So she is a member of staff, you must be able to find out from Ofsted who is running the place.

Re: the smacking thing, was she joking, trying to get a point across.

I would definitely remove my child. I would have had to because if someone told me that they could smack me in an agressive way. I would have laid her out and be in lots of trouble. I know, should control my temper.

Right, you have said in your post that you spoke to the proprietor after having a run in with the nursery manager, that they both passed on to the proprietor. Am confused.

But if it were my child, they wouldn't be there anymore, job done.

munchkinmum Sat 28-Jul-07 22:18:56

Manager was useless - has gone with owner in nursery sale transaction to one of owners other nurseries.

Manager was voice of owner - didn't make any decisions either through incompetence or because she was not able to through direction of owner.

Threfore not able to get support from manager.

Katymac - sorry my post probably didn't make sense - it's just so complicated and I'm damn upset so not able to be clear at the moment.

UCM Sat 28-Jul-07 22:20:28

They should have a procedure in place for complaints hun, I am sorry that yours wasn't dealt with in this way.

Katymac Sat 28-Jul-07 22:21:23

Do not name & shame - it's slander/libel (I can never remember which)

I think the threat should be logged somewhere - even if no action is taken

Have you spoken to CAB or a lawyer

Is it Verbal assault?

munchkinmum Sat 28-Jul-07 22:24:15

UCM - she was not joking. To be clear, owner same meaning as proprietor. Had run in with owner/prop, after manager passed on my complaint to her.

Re: removal of child - would have def. done that if owner/prop not moving on the next day. The next time my dd in nursery, new owner/prop will be in place.

However, feel I need to make an official complaint (not sure to who) as the old owner/prop has another nursery nearby.

munchkinmum Sat 28-Jul-07 22:29:00

CAB a good idea. Ofsted asked me if they had followed complaints procedure which the answer I suppose is yes. They follwoed the correct chain upto the top (owner/prop) but it is her actions/words/insinuations/threats that are more the point. However, not sure if this is in Ofsted's remit.

It's a difficulty that she is the last person in the chain to be held accountable so if I want to comp;lain about her then who do I go to?

If is was a less senior member of staff that had done this then there would be more chance that they could be held accountable...

LeafTurner Sat 28-Jul-07 22:29:16

OK - first things first - will either of these useless people have anything to do with the care of your child in future ?

If not - this is really just about you being upset/angry about the way you were spoken to. Which I sympathise with, but if they will no longer be in charge of the nursery, and you are OK with the new manager/owner, I think you are just dealing with anger here.

Of course they were utter tosspots - but I'm not sure what complaining to anyone will achieve ! Hard as it is, if your child is safely away from them, I'd let it go and rant on here a bit !

UCM Sat 28-Jul-07 22:29:30

I would make blooming sure that you lodge an official complaint to ofsted and your local council, in writing, and make sure you get a reply.

UCM Sat 28-Jul-07 22:31:23

I had a friend who was something to do with the accounts for a chain of Nurseries, and a child died. There were lots of complaints, but the correct procedure wasn't followed. She was in it as an accountant, not a nursery worker. She wished she had said something.

Bubble99 Sat 28-Jul-07 22:32:02

Sadly, munchkinmum, you'll probably have to put this down to (bad) experience. I very much doubt you'd be able to take any action against this woman as, as you've said, it's one word against the other.

If I understand you properly, will you also have a new manager, once the prop. leaves?

Katymac Sat 28-Jul-07 22:32:57

As this woman still has responsibilities towards children I think the threat needs to be logged with someone, maybe SS or the police

Off to bed - I'll have a think

LeafTurner Sat 28-Jul-07 22:36:48

But did she actually do anything bad for children ? Didn't she just threaten a mum during a disagreement ?

Agree that highly unprofessional - but not convinced issue of child safety tbh ?

munchkinmum Sat 28-Jul-07 22:41:25

B99 - the new owner will also manage nursery onsite. She seems OK but time will tell.

At this stage I think that my efforts will be relatively fruitless but am still thinking of complaining to LA and ofsted. Just cannot let this go - was appalling.

God, I'm bl**dy livid with the things she accused me of and how she spoke to me.

Thanks for your support - am off to bed and will log in tommorow to see if anyone has any more thoughts (katymac - sleep well and thanks) and to let you know if I have had any lightening bolts myself.

With thanks...

UCM Sat 28-Jul-07 22:45:09

Ooooo Noo, those mums are paying her bread & butter IMO, so if she was shirty with a mum, then she may well be shirty with the kids IYSWIM.

My DS went to a childminders (husband & wife team) and they were crap, left all of the kids in a room and did the basics. They had 13 children in this room at my last count. It was a fairly large dining room with gates on and a dining table, all in this one room.

I had to restrain DH from going round there after I found out a few things. This is one of the reasons why, if you choose a childminder I like the NCMA or networking stuff.. These people were advertised as being part of it, but I found out that they WERE not at all, they didn't want to be inspected as they had too many children. To this day I feel guilt.

UCM Sat 28-Jul-07 22:45:53

sorry that woman,

oddjobgirl Sun 29-Jul-07 08:53:00

I know a little about complaints made to Ofsted and so long as you tell Ofsted the names of the Manager and Owner this will be logged. As long as you give your name and details even if they cannot follow up the complaint they will put this information on their system and will pay more attention to the place where these people work. I think you will find the LA will refer you to Ofsted but it is still good to report it. It will work the same way as schools. The more complaints they receive about a school the more frequent inspections will be. Do make it clear to Ofsted that the people have moved to another nursery - otherwise they will just keep visiting your DS's nursery which is a huge pressure on a newly appointed team.

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