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Starting a new career and 2 yr old going into nursery full time

(13 Posts)
Nayah Fri 31-May-19 00:44:05

I resigned after maternity leave as I just felt unsettled in life generally (first baby, separation etc). A year on I’m ready to resume my career. There is no urgent financial need to be working just my desire for independence. And a bigger factor is the negative view I get held in by employers for being out of work for a few months for starting a family, I don’t want to create a bigger gap than it already is.
I’m very lucky to have been offered a role in a whole new career direction I’ve been working hard to set myself up for. It does require me to be in the office 5x a week full time.

I have in laws in the town but due to their own issues they can’t support with childcare. So I’m putting little one into a daycare nursery 7:30am to 5pm mon-fri. I’ve been having sleepless nights since I’ve accepted the job. I keep reading forums and seeing negative comments about 2 yr olds in nursery for 2-3 days a week, so you can imagine how awful I’m starting to feel. I really don’t want my daughter to feel like I’ve neglected her. I want to take this opportunity to make our lives easier in the years to come. Husband is entirely against the whole decision I’ve taken (he’s a very traditional person in the sense that women shouldn’t work at all, just cook and his mum, sister, sister in laws). My own family live over 3 hrs away so I can’t rely on them for support either. Although they’re very positive about me being more independent financially and about my daughter learning key social skills and being developer further in comparison to being at home whilst I’m lumbered with home making tasks.

I guess I’m just feeling like there’s 2 people within me just arguing for and against the decision I’ve taken. The biggest factor for my anxiety right now is not this whole new career but my daughter being happy. I just feel like I can’t discuss my anxieties with my husband because I have to act like I know what I’m doing and it will definitely work out.

I guess what I’m looking for is positive stories on 2 yr olds starting nursery full time. Unless it really is a bad idea

OP’s posts: |
Willowkoko Fri 31-May-19 01:30:25

I feel for you OP, I was in a similar position. There are plenty of children under two in nurseries out of necessity, who are absolutely fine. DD at 19 months, settled really well and the nursery I’d chosen was fantastic in supporting her development, after only a few weeks she learnt new words and understood a lot more. The nursery had an app where I could see all the fun she was having, which stopped me worrying. But, DD would come home exhausted everyday, her usual bedtime was 7:30, so she could get some quality time with DH in the evenings. But on days she was at nursery she would be desperate to go to bed by 6. As you can imagine doing, 7:30-5:30, mornings were a mad rush trying to get ready and in the evenings, DD was asleep by 6. DH didn’t get home til 6:30, and left the house before 7, so he only saw his daughter on weekends, which wasn’t right when I didn’t necessarily need to work.

Nayah Fri 31-May-19 08:32:51

Bless you WillowKoko. That must have been tough because I can imagine how you’d feel guilty not just about the nursery side but the father-daughter bond. The good thing with my husband is he’s working locally and is usually free by 4:30 or 5 at the latest so he’ll do pick ups. I’ll be the one coming home closer to 6 because I’d be out of town

OP’s posts: |
SMaCM Sat 01-Jun-19 09:45:37

We have children with us full time and rest assured that we do our best to make sure they have a lovely time and play and learn with friends. Then they can have some lovely 1:1 time with their parents at the weekend.

Find childcare you are comfortable with and enjoy your new job.

Ferfeckssake Mon 03-Jun-19 01:19:21

I think 2 is an ideal age for full time nursery. And I am an experienced child minder. It would be hard to get a 7:30 start elsewhere. I assume there would a naptime included so she should be OK with the pickup time. And I am a firm believer in that a fulfilled Mum makes a happy child.

Seniorschoolmum Mon 03-Jun-19 02:24:51

I returned to work when ds was 2 and 2 months.
He’s an only child and took to the idea of other children to play with immediately. I found a lovely childminder with about 30 years experience, and I still believe she was partly responsible for my ds being the lovely boy he is now. She was also far better at toilet training that I was.
The first couple of days will be a wrench but your dc will benefit from having happy, fulfilled mum and lots of little friends. Go for it.

mindutopia Mon 03-Jun-19 13:51:45

My 15 month old is in nursery 4 full days a week (started at 3 days a week from 12 months) and will be full time starting in October. My now 6 year old was the same, but from 9 months. It's been a wonderful experience for both of them. My older one loves her nursery and loves going back there when we pick up her brother. It's been nothing but positive for us. I love my career and I wouldn't give it up to be at home, though I'm glad to have had a year off with each of them. My mum went back to work full time when I was 3 months. I obviously turned out perfectly fine and we have a lovely relationship. You'll all be fine, but your husband needs to be more supportive unless he wants to be a SAHP?

irecitethegruffaloinmydreams Thu 13-Jun-19 13:27:58

DD has been full-time at nursery since she was 1. I think nursery is easier on 2 year-olds than on younger children as they get more out of the activities and interaction and can be more active (being a crawling 1 year-old in a room with nearly 2 year-olds isn't ideal). I honestly think your daughter will be fine and have a great time. DD isn't particularly exhausted when she gets home from nursery - she has a snack, we goof around for a while or go to the park round the corner, she has a bath and is in bed by 8pm. So although your evenings might be a bit squeezed, equally they might not. Plus you will have a lot more in the parenting 'tank' which makes a big difference.

NewMumSept2014 Wed 19-Jun-19 08:16:53

I don’t really have anything else to say that the above doesn’t cover, but just to reassure you it’s totally normal to suffer from mum guilt. Both of mine have been in nursery full time from 10 months and although I feel incredibly guilty that I have to work so much, dropping hours isn’t an option and it has really been very good for them socially. They honestly get a lot more stimulation in nursery than I could ever give them at home.

CMOTDibbler Wed 19-Jun-19 08:21:41

My son was in nursery full time from a baby, and he wasn't exhausted by it. I think when it is every week day they get into a better nap routine than if its a couple of days.
He's grown up to be a very well balanced child, able to get on with everyone and also well bonded to us.

Nayah Wed 19-Jun-19 10:10:35

Thanks for all the reassurance ladies it definitely has helped with ensuring this morning ran smoothly as I had my head abit screwed on.
It's her first settling in session today. I dropped her off at 9:30 and sat around for 10 mins and then left. I could hear her crying whilst I was in my car (thought I'd run the quick errands post office/petrol).
It's 10:10 now and I'm holding back the tears...this guilt is insane. Never thought it'd get to me so much.

OP’s posts: |
Nayah Wed 19-Jun-19 10:53:29

Update: I got a call from the nursery an hour into the session that she's still very upset. And to collect her at 11 instead of 11:30. Now I'm nervous again

OP’s posts: |
Pythonesque Wed 19-Jun-19 12:45:46

Remember that happy children need happy mothers. Intelligent well educated women often find staying at home stifling and need to be able to spend some of their time doing something other than looking after the house and children. It is very hard to "have it all" and it sounds like full time nursery is the answer to your own life balance at this point in time. Maybe at a later date you will be able to work in your new career part-time.

Don't feel guilty, this could work very well. Being part-time down the track when you have a child at school is actually more valuable than in the preschool years, although we rarely appreciate that until our children are older!

Hope subsquent settling in sessions work out for you and your little one.

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