IS this NURSERY OWNER UNREASONABLE?????

[drosophila]

DP drops dd (2.5) off every morning. She is quite subdued when he drops her off. The owner says 'Good Morning' in a loud voice and dd says nothing.

recently I have noticed she is subdued when I pick her up and won't speak just nods or shakes her head. I asked yesterday how had she been. Fine fine she eat her lunch.

I said that she was giving me the silent treatment. 'She is like that every morning refuses to say good morning and I think it is AWFUL' came the reply from the owner.

A few bits of info:

• She has been going there about 15 months
  
• She is 2.5
  
• She used to be delighted to see me.
  
• She talks non stop normally
  
  Any opinions?

[madamez]

Hmm, sounds like something's not quite right. What's your general take on the owner? Nice well-meaning person or bumptious twit who could easily tip over into bullying?
Are there any other parents of kids at that nursery that you could talk to?
It may be nothing serious - could simply be that the owner's loud voice and full-on manner are making her nervous.

[drosophila]

Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir - springs to mind. I get the impression she is obsessed with manners. I also think she thinks she knows everything there is to know about kids.

[doyouwantfrieswiththat]

I think you already know something isn't right, what has your dd said?

[nurseryvoice]

No I wouldnt be impressed either. I am a nursery owner.
Has she been like this for the last 15 months?

[amidaiwish]

i think you should find another nursery
sounds hideous

my 2 DDs are at nursery btw. am not anti-nursery, at all.

[drosophila]

She had a period about 10 mths ago liek this and I started to phone around other nurseries and then she moved to a different room and seemed fine.

WHen I name the carers I ask 'Is so and so nice etc?' She usually agrees but when I ask about the owner she says 'No naughty'.

[mytwopenceworth]

She is telling you very clearly. She couldn't make it more clear if she drew you a picture! She's not happy.

I'd advise you to move her. It's one of those things it's just not worth trying to make work, when she can be happy elsewhere.

[snowwonder]

wheni drop my dd off at nursery (nearly 4) she chats all the way there, but as soon as she gets in the door she doesnt say a world to me, goes all kind of shy, but she is fine once i have gone, and she loves going there, and she does the same when i pick her up until we get into the car..

[DirtyGertiefromnumber30]

Move her. I moved my ds to another nursery when i just had a 'feeling' something wasnt right. She's telling you in no uncertain terms that there is someone who works there who makes her feel unhappy.

[NAB3]

Don't send her there any more. Please.

[drosophila]

Will look around tomorrow for alternative nursery.

[FairyMum]

Move her and report to ofsted.

[doyouwantfrieswiththat]

poor little shrimp, good thing you picked up on dd's unhappiness...(I was ignoring ds's foul mood yesterday till I saw the gunk coming from his ear & realised he probably had earache-oops)

hope you find a place where she's happier but like nurseyjo I'd be interested to hear whether other mums are noticing similar experiences.

[Bubble99]

One to three ratio for under twos. End of.

Lunchbreaks should be covered by other staff so that the room stays in ratio.

It is OK to be out of ratio for very short periods, to collect plates etc from the kitchen, for example.

[Katymac]

Bubble - think you want this thread

[Bubble99]

Woops. Thanks, Katymac.

[drosophila]

Thing is before choosing this nursery I visited loads. I walk past 4 nurseries every morning to get to this one. At the time it was deffo the best. Crap crap crap. I hate this.

[amidaiwish]

when you ask how she has been and they say "fine, fine she ate her lunch" - is that it?

if so it's just not good enough.
i have 2 DDs in nursery, DD1 is 3.5 and DD2 is 20m.
with DD2 i get a good few minutes of what she did, something she particularly enjoyed, how she ate, how long she slept and times, whether they had to wake her (i limit her to an hour) meal by meal what she ate, and whether nappies were wet/soiled.

with DD1 i just say "has she been ok?" "what has she eaten" as i have to go and get DD2 and am in a bit more of a rush. also with the higher ratio with the older children i don't like to take up their time as much, plus DD1 can tell me herself!

Anyway, is there a carer there that she seems to get on with? are they the same ones day to day? can you have a quiet word with one, just say you're worried that she's not happy, see what they say.

[SweetyDarling]

How much of her time is spent with the owner? I don't remember nursery, but I remember being terrified of my primary school principal, but I hardly ever came across her so wasn't much of an issue.

[Oenophile]

Definitely sounds as if it's denting her confidence. I don't buy an over-insistence on formal manners with LOs, best to lead by example and encourage but NOT dwell on it. Saying 'good morning' is an ADULT custom and most children won't understand the importance of it at age 2, especially when they are struggling with having to separate and go into nursery without parent. The owner's saying 'it's awful' that she doesn't say Good Morning is an indication of how little she understands or has sympathy with children's needs.

My LO went to a nursery attached to a prep school (very over-formal) where to go to the toilet they were expected to raise their hand, wait to be noticed, then say 'Please may I be excused'. She wet herself every day for 6 months rather than have to do it, I got the feeling it became a battle of wills between her and the nursery owner. (DD won, but I had to wash the wet pants - AND suffer the shame of them being handed to me with a heavy sigh and disapproving shake of the head.) When my friend and I began a playgroup, the children were allowed to visit the toilet without asking at all (the set-up was such that we could see where children were at all times) and my how I wished my own DD had gone there and not to a place which definitely did cause her to become more withdrawn - she was quite a confident little soul when she began at Manners 'R Us nursery but became quiet and reserved.

Interestingly, viz your DD's 'she's norty' of the nursery owner, I would say to mine 'Mrs G is very kind, isn't she' (attempt to bolster up good feelings about the place) and she would emphatically reply 'No she INT!' Why oh why didn't I take her away...

I hope you find a setting where she will be happier, it's so hard to think of our small ones struggling to get by without us.

[butterbeer]

Move her, really. That owner is way out of line.

[redtoenails]

I don't think it matters whether the owner is being reasonable or not - your dd is unhappy and that is all that matters - move her!

[drosophila]

OK so I am visiting a nursery on Tuesday that had an 'outstanding' ofsted report. It's only been open since Feb so wasn't there when I was looking initially.

What should I ask?

I intend to ask about staff turnover and the usual day to day stuff but what will tell me if it's a caring nursery. Shall I ask them about instilling manners in 2 yr olds?

Any tips gratefully received.