Starting nursery : DS suddenly clingy and his mother expecting too much from nursery?(8 Posts)
My 7mo DS is starting nursery PT next week. In general I am fairly confident that it is a good nursery, and I've heard other mums say it's good.
My son has had 5 weeks of inductions, about 3 days a week, between 1hr - 3hrs each (which have been free). Generally he has been happy (except when he has been under the weather), but in the last few days he has been VERY clingy with me and in his latest session he howled all hour. Very upsetting. I hate the fact that he will be so miserable just so I can return to work, and am worried that it will adversely affect him emotionally.
Also, as the day when I have to leave him for real approaches, I realise that I don't think the staff know him well enough, nor do I know enough about how they feed/play with them, get them to sleep etc. I do ask them things, but they rarely seem to have time to give me information. I have given them a short written summary of the key things, which they have read, but still I think I'm leaving my poor little boy with people who don't know him. When he starts proper he will have a communication book, but that doesn't cover the "softer" issues.
Is this something every mother who leaves their child at nursery goes through? How long does it take to become assured that ones child isn't being traumatised by being in nursery at such a young age?
i think it happens to the best of us. it sounds as though they've done a great induction (my ds only had 1 session). he started at 6mo and settled great, i think they do settle well when they're younger generally. you're bound to be a bit twitchy at first but in the end you'll probably just be jealous at how well they get to know him! ds is 3 now and has gone through a couple of phases of being clingy when he goes to nursery but always comes out the other side, i think sometimes they would go through a clingy phase anyway whether they're at nursery or not.
Its not unusual to feel that way, I felt the same, ds was 5 months when I placed him in nusery and went back to work, it was tough a t first and I phoned several times a day but it will work out fine I'm sure.
How long will he go to nursery for each day? It sounds silly but I'm sure dd settled well because she was there for either 1/2 days or full days. Her day always starts with breakfast there and I think the routine of it all seemed to help her settle as she knew what to expect each day.
Having said that she did go through an unsettled patch and then improved again.
And nursery staff NEVER know your child as much as you'd like them to. Its just one of those things.
He's in nursery two and a half days a week.
I think he probably would have gone through a clingy phase even without nursery, it's just a shame it has started so late in the induction. We even put him in a creche on holiday for the odd couple of hours to try to prepare him for being seperated from us. And from the day he was born he has always been handed round to friends and relations in the hope that he would be confident with people. All the effort from everybody seems a bit wasted now.
I will phone the nursery to find out how he's getting on, I just a) fear being considered a neurotic mother b) know that part of me won't believe the staff are telling the truth and c) worry that my calls are taking time from the staff when they could be looking after the babies.
What with all this my DH is ready to cave my head in, and sometimes I don't blame him!
My friend has just put her ds into nursery at 11 months. He was very clingy, would scream (proper heartbreaking screaming) if she left the room for a few minutes even when being held by someone he knew well or playing with other babies and the settling in sessions didn't go very well. By his second full day he was fine! My ds is at the same nursery so I often see friend's ds looking very happy and playing with nursery staff. I know it's horrible but don't panic, it will all be fine. She sent him with his favorite toy which he drags all over the nursery with him, maybe you could do something similar to ease the parting?
My DS was identical - I'd had integration sessions that seemed to go OK, and then as soon as the real thing came along he screamed and screamed. We are now in week 3 and it's getting better. He still screams when I leave - but I can call them to check if I want to (their record is a mother who rang 8 times in one morning) and they would call me if he didn't settle. As it is they have never rung and I have only rung them once. The first week he didn't really settle at all but now that we've got to week 3 he's fine by the time I get to the gate. I really worried about whether or not the staff would know him - and of course they don't - but they do have lots of experience. He eats far better there and is now napping properly too. Do call the nursery if you are at all concerned - they would rather you were happy and confident. I have all my fingers and toes crossed that it gets easier for both you and me!
Just to add would a nanny share be an option if you feel the nursery environment is difficult.
I know it is finacially out of reach alot of the time but I just spent most of my wage on childcare for the first couple of years so dd could be in her own home with someone I could trust and really knew her.Our nanny was lovely and my daughter loved her.I felt she was doing the same things as I would have been doing had I been at home - very relaxed.
I'm doing this again for ds with the same nanny and feel much happier with this than a nursery at a young age.He will go to nursery when he is a bit older BTW.
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