Tell me your nursery settling stories

[everycloudetc]

DD 2.3 started nursery this week. First session I stayed with her she was v happy and had to practically drag her away screaming as she didn't want to leave. Second day she dashed in happily but when it was time for me to leave she started crying and apparently cried on and off throughout the whole hour and didn't want to play. When I got there she was just standing there whimpering and clutching her teddy. I felt awful. Please tell me it gets better. If she can't cope with an hour how will she cope for a whole day! Any recommendations on how to make it easier or how many more settling in sessions she should have etc. How did your DC cope with settling in and are they happy now?

[Pips841]

It just takes time. We are in the settling in period also and lo is refusing lunches/breakfasts still but starting to share in snack time etc so little improvements everyday. Keep going. Best thing you can do is leave early and not hang about as it causes confusion.

[everycloudetc]

Thanks pips I was thinking of maybe staying a bit longer in the sessions to settle her in but you're right it will probably confuse her. I'm sorry to hear about your little one not eating it's so hard for them at this age keep wondering if i'm doing the right thing

[Pips841]

My lo is just over 2 also. Only in a day or so a week so whole world turned upside down! I thought lo would love it and be good for development etc. It breaks my heart to see upset but I'm trying to stick with it! We

[everycloudetc]

Apparently this is one of the hardest ages for them to start as they are so much more aware of everything. I keep telling myself it will be good for her in the long run as when she starts school she can hit the ground running having already acquired the necessary social skills etc from mixing with others at nursery and learning it's ok to be separated from me a bit

[Magpiefeather]

I think you are right, from friends experience it seems this age is particularly difficult.

My little girl started nursery at 15 months, only 2 mornings a week, and what really helped in her settling in was that the teachers made a huge effort to bond with her and earn her trust. Once she trusted them she was fine. If she got upset when I left they would just distract her. But I get that that may not work with an older child....

I’m sure you do already but beforehand make a big fuss about how fun nursery is... even now on the way there in the car I’m always going “ok off we go to nursery! It’s going to be such a fun day... you can play with all the toys, see the other children, run around outside, maybe you’ll do painting today?” Bla bla bla you get the idea but basically all she ever gets from me is how exciting it is that it’s a nursery day.

You have my sympathies, it’s so tough but it will get easier. Sorry I don’t have any more practical advice.

[Magpiefeather]

Oh! Hold on I DO have a little bit of practical advice

Not sure if this would be possible for you but

A friend was having a similar issue to you so the next settling in session the little one’s dad took them. They were just way less clingy with dad and got a lot less upset when he left. Just a thought!

[Pips841]

My OH is doing the drop off tomorrow as he is off on a rare occasion! I'll let you know!

[HSMMaCM]

They suddenly realise this is the new norm and react to it. Jut keep communicating with the key worker and it will sort itself out. Don't worry.

[savingforsomewherefarfaraway]

Hi @everycloudetc
How is your daughter doing now?
My 20 month clingy son started this week and today was the first day he was left (by OH). He also cried on and off for an hour and was clutching his teddy and sobbing when my partner returned! We're both dreading tomorrow when I have to leave him/he naps there for the first time.
Would love to hear how you are getting on now- I need some perspective!

[everycloudetc]

@savingforsomewherefarfaraway she is doing brilliantly now and absolutely loves it. She even asks to go on her days off. What really helped was getting her the Princess Polly "I'm starting nursery" book. This allowed us to talk her through the timeline of everything each day so she knew what to expect and what comes next etc. It also helped to really spend some time talking to the room staff finding out who she played with or what toys she showed an interest in that day. That way whenever she was reluctant to go in the beginning we could say "oh but you'll get to play with ...." and that would make her change her mind about going. It all took about two weeks for her to properly settle and look forward to going in. Stick with it and see how your DS does after a couple of weeks. Good luck!

[SausageMan]

Hi All,

Comforting to hear so of your experiences!

We have our son that is 3 years old and a little girl 18 months. Who are now off to nursery and started their settling in sessions throughout December and last week started going full time

It's been a total and still is. Both constantly cry when dropping them off and continue throughout the day, still refusing to eat there as well. My wife went to collect them yesterday and my boy was sat sobbing completely dejected with the situation.

We aren't sure what to do now, we are considering putting them both with a childminder now, maybe they require a bit more personal attention? We don't know we keep telling ourselves it's for the best and they'll develop soon and be good for school, but it's been a month now and it isn't getting easier. Our hearts are breaking

[HSMMaCM]

A childminder will prepare them for school. They are both still young. Maybe they just need to be together to start with in a home environment.

See how they go over the next week. They may surprise you and suddenly settle.

[savingforsomewherefarfaraway]

@SausageMan sorry to hear this, it's rough isn't it? Could it be that the xmas break reset them with regard to settling? We were advised to do it all in one flow without a break (so started settling last week instead). They probably got used to being at home with you again so the start into proper days would have felt a sudden shock. Don't know whether it's possible for your situation but could you do shorter sessions for another week or so to effectively resettle? We're taking turns to juggle work and pick our son up at 5 so he can have dinner at home, which seems to be helping? Still cries at drop off and pick up, and on/off in day, but is apparently slowly improving...wishing you good luck. It's so very hard!

[HSMMaCM]

That's true about the Christmas break. I had a child starting 7th January and recommended not doing any settling before Christmas.