10 mo STILL not settling at nursery - long

[RatRolyPoly]

Hi all, bit desperate really so any advice gratefully received.

DD is nearly 10 mo and has been at nursery for around 6 weeks, 3 days a week. Her big brother is there too in the toddler room; he started at 7.5 mo.

So... she's not settling. The nursery had only alluded to it until recently (although she's had a few bugs since starting so has had a few days off), but a couple of days ago the managed spoke to me in great earnest. DD is sad all day. Cries all the time. Even when eating. She's never known a baby like her, they've tried everything and they don't know what to do!

Long and short of it is we have a couple of weeks to try and improve things or me and dp, both with our full time jobs, need to find some alternative that doesn't see her scream from dawn til dusk

Truth is we didn't do a proper job settling her to be honest; she started straight in with full days; they couldn't get round to scheduling her settling in days, but I just thought if she was finding it a bit much they'd call me to collect her early like that had when ds first started. But they didn't. I didn't realise things were anywhere near as bad as they are.

Any advice please? I stayed with her this morning until 11ish; she mostly cried even with me there. Unless I was actually holding her. I think she's overwhelmed by the environment? Honestly though, she has days when she's like that at home too, although at home she will usually roll/crawl around on the floor and entertain herself with toys. At nursery she wouldn't even be on the floor - they didn't even know she was mobile!

My plan is to stay with her for half the day most days and see if she can start to feel more comfortable there having been able to relax when I'm there with her (hopefully). She used to go ballistic at the grandparents too when she first met them, but she's fine with them now and can be left for babysitting etc.

Does this sound like a plan? Oh god, what are we going to do??

[HSMMaCM]

If you can manage the half days while she's settling in that might work. Different environments work for different children, so she might be happier in another nursery, or in a smaller childminding setting. It's finding the best thing for her. You are familiar and happy with this nursery though and they have spoken to you honestly about it, so I'd try the sessions with you there first.

[cansu]

Maybe think more about a childminder. Maybe she would be happier where she could bond with one new person and be in a quieter environment.

[RatRolyPoly]

Thanks for the advice folks. I did consider a childminder but it's such a little nursery; only a small baby room with 6 babies at most - usually fewer. I met a lot of my local childminders on mat leave when taking ds and dd to "stay and play" type groups. They all seemed to have about that many kids anyway, plus they were often out at these groups that had far more children than our nursery's baby room anyway.

I guess I'm just worried that if she doesn't settle there she might not settle anywhere. Does that happen? I'll defo look into a change of setting if my staying with her doesn't work.

[justanotheruser18]

I'm sorry to read this. I have no experience but am following with interest as my baby will be starting nursery soon and I fear he may be the same as your DD.

[RatRolyPoly]

Take heart justanother, the manageress is no spring chicken and has had many a child through the doors of her nursery over the years; whilst some take longer to settle than others she has literally never come across one before who simply would not settle ever and was quite as sad as dd, and we're talking 7 weeks of trying now!

The upshot for us is dp as handed in his notice. We just can't handle the idea of her being so upset so much of the time. Also it's starting to show in ds's behaviour too. So dp, being the more maternal of the two of us, is going to be a stay at home dad for a while before going back to work on a contract basis.

Honestly could not have imagined this would be the case a week ago!