In a quandary about nursery school transition

[Batfacetrooper]

New to Mumsnet but could really use some advice. I have a 3 year old DS who has a school nursery place in September. He currently goes to a childminder who is brilliant, works with an assistant and is a qualified teacher and she has bought him on so much in the past 2 years. We recently had twins 9 weeks ago and DS is struggling a bit (as am I) with the transition from being an only child. He goes to CM 4 days a week still at the mo while I am on mat leave as I struggle to entertain him with 2 newborns and he has friends at the CM. I know things with settle eventually but I am worried that giving him another upheaval in his life so soon in terms of sending him to a different nursery might be too much for him. Everything has changed at home for him and the CM is the one thing that has stayed consistent so I don’t know if it is fair to turn his world upside down again so soon. His two best friends at CM will be going to a different nursery in September so will no longer be there and he will be the oldest child in that setting. But as a qualified teacher she will be able to do lots of EYFS stuff with him one to one while the younger ones nap and when not napping he also likes to play with the ones a bit younger than him so I still think he’d be happy. I really am in two minds as I want the best for him but struggling to know what that is. Does anyone have a similar experience? The twins really have changed everything for him and we try to have one on one time with him but it’s very hard. I worry that another change will be one too many in such a short space of time but DH is worried that if he doesn’t go to nursery then he will find it harder to make friends in reception because they will have all been together for a year before him. It is very likely we will get a place at the school as in catchment area. Please help. I’m losing my marbles over this one!

[nurserynurse2016]

First of all congratulations on your new arrivals!

I'm a nursery nurse and have dealt with children in your sons situation. It's important both you and the childminder prepare him for this change by giving him lots of chances to speak and express himself. Although it is hard for one on one time with your son it's important he still gets mummy to himself at times.

As for the transition, kids are more resilient than we give them credit for and you might find that he finds the experience engaging and fun instead of an upheaval and a daunting experience. Take time to discuss with him how much fun it's going to be and he's going to have much more new friends. If possible still keep up the childminder for before/after so he has some gradual change instead of all at once.

Also I'm sure his nursery he will be attending would be more than happy to discuss a plan for him if you discuss your worries and the change he has had in his life.

Keep us updated!!😊

[Batfacetrooper]

Thank you so much for your reply.

If I could keep the childminder on as well I would but she doesn’t pick up from that school. Which is ok while I’m on mat leave but not good if/when I go back to work.

We do have one on one time with him as much as possible but in terms of having the conversation about nursery- I just don’t think he’s capable of understanding. He has just turned 3, I don’t think he’s particularly behind but we just couldnt converse on that level with him.

I suppose it’s all up in the air too as the CM is the much easier option to continue with for another year if I go back to work but none of that is decided either. In your experience does it set them back socially if lots of the children know each other and he didn’t when he started reception? He is quietish but certainly doesn’t have problems playing or interacting with new kids. He just isn’t one of the ones that shouts the loudest!

[RicStar]

My dd knew no one in reception - around 50% of children came from school nursery and rest from elsewhere. It was a little bit hard at first - parents were as much part of that as the ones who knew each other were obviously doing playdates etc from the off but by Christmas the newbies had all settled in fine. I would probably leave him where he is if it's affordable - but he will adapt either way.

[MismatchedPJs]

Congratulations on your new arrivals.

Your CM set up sounds lovely and just what he needs. They make (and break) friends so quickly in YR. Some always start school not knowing anyone else, and by about 6 weeks in they are usually completely indistinguishable from the rest of the class. He might have a little bit more on his plate next Sept if you don't send to nursery, but the upsides of staying in his current setting easily outweigh that IMO, based on what you've told us.

You might have the option of a couple of sessions a week at preschool later in the year, as well as the CM. Maybe a private or community one rather than one attached to a school, as they tend to be more flexible.

[Batfacetrooper]

Thank you so much Ric Star and Mismatched for your replies. You have both reassured me a lot and I hadn’t actually thought about the fact that I could put him into a pre school a few days on the run up! That’s why I needed to post as I can’t see the wood for the trees! Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

[jannier]

Childminders offer exactly the same as both private school and preschool they all work to the EYFS one major difference is that due to smaller numbers they can truly individually plan and meet each child's needs whilst following each child's individual interest rather than have a topic of the term that will not appeal to every child.
They have to work on school readiness just the same and this will include groups sessions for reading, singing and circle time and separation from key worker by networking with other childminders. Often those who don't understand how good and outstanding childminders work will say a child needs nursery to socialise yet childminders do this very well.
I would suggest you talk to your childminder and she will explain how she works to meet his needs and what she believes will be the best move for him. She is a professional and will have his best interests at heart.