Dd not settling in nursery

[princessdaffodil]

Hi everyone my 11 month old dd has been in nursery since I came back to work in January 2.5 days a week she has always cried going in when handing her over which breaks my heart but they have always told me she settles quickly once I am gone.

Last night I had her parents evening in nursery and I asked her key worker how she feels she is settling in and she replied with "I am not going to lie to you there are some days that she just sits and cries all day!!!" Well i near burst out crying infront of her! When I pick her up nobody has ever told me she has been upset all day they usually just say she has had a good day maybe a bit unsettled. Do they do this not to worry me?

Has anybody elses child taken a while to settle in to nursery? I now feel so guilty!! I must add that she has been sick quite a lot so she has missed a few days and I guess being in only 2.5 days a week doesnt help because he has a break between days that he is in.

Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[OhBergine]

Hi princess. My daughter was unfortunately the same - I put her in a lovely nursery for 3 mornings a week from 11 months when I went back to work, and she always cried when I took her in. Key worker used to say she'd settled once I'd gone, but in her progress book I could see in some "nice" photos they'd taken of her that her face was always red and puffy and she was sucking her dummy (which I told them only to give her if she didn't stop crying).

I felt awful, and took her out. Since then, she goes to her granny 3 days a week, which both love.

I think nurseries are great in general, and I do think they did everything they could/should have. Unfortunately my DD is quite sensitive and shy (she's now nearly 2 and hangs back at playgroups etc until she's sure of herself), so I think maybe it was just her personality.

[OhBergine]

PS, I am surprised her key worker told you there are days she cries all day! That's clearly going to cause distress, and no child should be left to cry all day! Seems an odd thing to say.

If nursery is the only childcare option for you and you want to stick it out, could you suggest some more settling in sessions (where you accompany your daughter), just so you can see what she's like in the nursery environment?

[princessdaffodil]

Thank you for your reply. I was really upset when I got home and phoned my mum who was really angry that the key worker had told me that. My daughter is going through a very clingy phase at the minute which wont be helping her and she is also the youngest in her room.

I have always told them to give me a call if she wont settle and I will come and get her (I have a flexible job) but they have never called me so I am now worried that they are just leaving her to cry all day!

It is my only option for the time she is in I have her one day and my mum the other day and a half. I will suggest some more settling in days with me there thats a good idea thank you. If not I will have to rethink the nursery and maybe she would be better with a childminder.

[milkjetmum]

Not every setting works for every child, sometimes the fit just isn't right. For dd1 she was fine at nursery until she moved rooms at age 3 and then cried every day etc. As you have done, I spoke with nursery, we had meetings and plans, and as a parent we liked the nursery but it just wasn't working for dd so in the end had to try elsewhere. You have to trust your instincts. A bit of clinginess and even tears at drop off can be normal in the short term, but persistent unhappiness is not.

We moved her and ended up with the opposite problem where dd was happy but we were not! Lack of accident reports, YouTube watching during the day... That was a tricky situation too. Good luck with your decision

[finova]

A friend had this with one nursery, swapped to another and no more tears.

[HSMMaCM]

At least they've been honest with you now.

You have a choice to work with them on strategies to help her settle, or move her somewhere else.

Not every setting is right for every child. I have had some that took a while to settle, but I worked with their parents through it.

[Yerazig]

As above not every setting will work for each child. I’m a nanny and have worked with children who would of definitely been very happy in a nursery compared to other children I’ve looked after with more of a quiet reserved personality who wouldn’t have been. Maybe she needs more of a home setting so a childlminder or nanny/nannyshare.

[TellyCushion]

That's so upsetting. I have no advice, but hugs to you!

[wwwwwwwwwwwwww]

How upsetting for you. Maybe you should look at a childminder or a different nursery. She been there quite a while. It might just not be a fit your dd.