Time out.

[why12345]

Hi all,
Before I lose myself down the google rabbit hole. Does anyone know if a nursery can use a timeout chair without a discussion with you first?
Thanks

[kimlo]

ask to see their behaviour managment policy, thats what they should be following.

[why12345]

Thank you.

[insancerre]

There is no rule that says they can't use a time out chair

Its not good practice though and a very out dated way of managing children's behaviour

[mikado1]

In Ireland it is against guidelines, and that is specified. It is a humiliation and isolation tactic in a nursery setting.

[twinnywinny14]

Are you against the time out chair? Is there are specific concern you have?

[HSMMaCM]

They should have given you a copy of their policies. Ask them about their behaviour policy. This is one of the things to cover before you start, to see if you're happy with the nursery.

[why12345]

Hey, thanks for all your replies! Sorry I'm only just getting back to you all. My son has just turned two and was put on to a time out chair last week for a couple of minutes because he hit another child after that child took the car he was playing with. We are working on the hitting thing at home by explaining to him why he can't hit (his sister mainly) etc etc. I think when I started this thread I was still kinda miffed about the how it was delt with to be honest. The lady who runs the nursery told me about the incident in front of all the other parents during pick up time (including the other child Mom) and then said " after he was taken out of time out he refused to say sorry" yes he needs to be encouraged to say sorry but he is just 2! He has good speech but not to that extent!!

[FineAsWeAre]

We use time out as a very last resort in extreme cases where I work. We have a couple of children with extreme behavioural issues and sometimes need to remove them from a situation for the safety of the others. For a toddler lashing out over a toy (very common) we wouldn’t though, and we don’t make children say sorry. We explain why the behaviour is wrong (‘you’ve hurt x/ made them sad’ etc) but sorry is usually meaningless at that age.

[why12345]

Thanks Fineas. I was pretty surprised that they use that technique tbh. Il keep what you said in mind when I take him on Wednesday and speak to someone about what happened.

[mikado1]

Forcing anyone a child of that age to say sorry results in an utterly meaningless apology.pointless. His reaction while wrong was utterly instinctive and understandable.

[why12345]

Oh I know it's wrong and we are really working on making him understand he can't hit. My daughter is 5 and is very good with him when he does it and doesn't do it back. Any tips?

[Puffthemagicdragongoestobed]

My daughter had to go into time-out at the same age at her old nursery when she refused to tidy up. Her key worker told me at pick-up as a matter of fact. I was speechless but then managed to utter whether they thought that this was going to be an effective way of getting her to tidy up next time.
She is now at a different nursery where they don't use time out - they call it thinking time instead, from what they told me it's more gentle and only used to remove children from situations rather than to punish them for what they have or haven't done.

[vayab1]

I can’t remember exactly what was done to draw the conclusion but basically a lot of nursery staff don’t make children apologise because they don’t have any empathy for others. If you don’t want your child in time out you should say, and you should also say that you feel if they don’t say sorry they shouldn’t be made to because two year olds don’t understand the meaning behind it and then get confused if they’re hurt and not apologised to.

[donquixotedelamancha]

@insancerre.
Its not good practice though and a very out dated way of managing children's behaviour

Could you provide some links to this research? Child psychology doesn't usually make such absolute conclusions, so it can be frustrating trying to decide good practice in the real world.

My understanding is that time out is a very widely accepted practice and the main criticisms are around inappropriate use (e.g. when a child is dysregulated) rather then the technique itself.

you feel if they don’t say sorry they shouldn’t be made to because two year olds don’t understand the meaning behind it

Developing empathy is key to child development. The first step is to learn to apologise. This happens before they really understand why- true empathy takes longer to develop. Two year olds are certainly starting to show empathy.

@OP. If the nursery is harsh with your child, then certainly you should have a word, but it sounds (wrongly I'm sure) like you don't want them to use any consequences at all for poor behaviour?

I have dealt with a great many older children whose parents use 'I don't believe in punishment' as an excuse taking the easy option. Invariably their children are damaged, often more so than much more obviously abused children. Ineffective parenting can be just as damaging as cruel parenting.

Any tips? Poor behaviour must be challenged. Of course at such a young age it must be gentle and aimed at redirecting and talking. Consequences should be over with quickly and not used while a child has lost control. The hitting thing is quite normal, but it does need stopping. It takes a lot of repetition and it's knackering, but it does work.