This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Absolutely dreading sending my DD to nursery(16 Posts)
Hi need some advice on a couple of things regarding nursery please
I plan to return to work In May part time 2 to 3 days a week. I don't really want to but don't have a choice due to finances.
First of all I'm still waiting on work to confirm what days/hours I will be doing. However when visiting nursery's I'm being told I'm leaving it late and there might not be any places left. This is causing me to panic but I don't want to push work who could techincally say there are no part time jobs. Do you think the nursery's are telling the truth or as some friends have said they might just be trying to get you to panic and commit?
Also, I know for most mums they don't look forward to sending their child to nursery so I suppose it's normal. However, I just don't know how it's going to work. My DD was exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months she refused bottles completely. Now at nine months she does have water from a sippycup with meals but still regularly breastfeeds throughout the day. By 12 months should bf have reduced? I am going to start trying to get her to drink my milk from her sippy cup soon.
Also due to being exclusively bf and not really having anyone to babysit. She has barely left my side and I am terrified how she will react. The most is for about an hour when I have gone to the hairdresser and DH has had her. Has anyone else had a similar situation?
Could you use a childminder rather than a nursery? They may be more accommodating, im not sure. I would spend this time gradually building up the time you are away from her, and make sure any nursery/childminder you choose has a nice settling in process so it’s not rushed and you both feel unsettled.
It’s hard but it does get easier and soon just becomes the new norm.
also dreading this later in the year! The nurseries aren’t lying though, spaces get filled incredibly quickly, in my area you need to put your child on the waiting list whilst still pregnant to guarantee a space (at the nicer nurseries at least!) for when you return to work.
Perhaps consider a childminder as PP suggested? They are usually more flexible and you might be more comfortable with a home environment.
WRT to BF, it doesn’t need to reduce by 12 months if you don’t want it to, start encouraging LO to drink expresses from a cup. Would it be feasible to leave work to feed LO during your lunch break? I know a few people that have done this.
Lots of nurseries will gradually fill up from September as the children start slow and work up their time as they get used to it and a bit older. That might be what they mean.
Make sure you get a good chance to settle your dc. You should have some stay and play sessions and then gradually increase the time you leave for. This should all happen before you start work.
With regards to the drinking - you'll be surprised how quickly your child will want to do what everyone else does and the nursery should encourage their routines while working with you and your child to reach them. So if she drinks from a soppy cup maybe you could take one the same to nursery and ask them to use that.
Mostly though - when you're visiting places tell them all this and see what they say. Look at how they treat each child - they should know each child well. How they react to you now will guide you as to whether you can work with them in the future.
Thank you for all your replies. Definitely need to get a move on with childcare and will look more into childminders aswell. Do need to start slowly spending longer periods of time away from DD. Have got a meeting with work next week so will have to try and tactfully be more forceful about knowing what my hours will be
We had onenirsery tell us that we were leaving it late and they weren't lying. If they have space they will usually say so. We found ironically that the best nurseries had space because they were the most expensive (in our area most people are quite poor). I would suggest going first to nurseries that are attatched to private schools.
Agree with pp that they do fill up fast, although we left it late & are with a lovely nursery that we’re very happy with.
I was also in the situation of never having had babysitters, so dd1 had very rarely been apart from me and then only with her dad.
Nursery were great with settling in, I stayed with her for two hour long visits at first, then left her for an hour, then two I think?
Could you start leaving her with dad a bit more frequently? This might help with getting her to take expressed milk from a cup.
Ultimately though, if you have to go back to work, you’re going to have to do it!
It is important that you’re happy with your setting though, so I would start having a serious look round.
With 3 months to go and in need of childcare I don't think it would be in any way unreasonable to ask for your hours!
In my area places at nursery fill quickly. If you leave it late you risk not getting your first choice, but you will find something, I think it depends heavily on the area. Cm are a good idea to look into I think.
Our families live far away, before my daughter started nursery we had barely spent any time apart. It wasn't a problem, she loved nursery and was happy all day. My friends son who started at the same time was much the same as your DD, exclusively bf etc and I know at first it was a wee bit more of an adjustment for him (and his Mum more really) but he is happy there and honestly they do so many things they are distracted and happy during the day. There will likely be tears at pick up but that doesn't mean she wasn't happy, just that she is a bit emotional and happy at seeing you at the end of the day.
Two babies in nursery full-time from 8mo here - both non-sleeping, round-the-clock BFing Velcro babies and DS1 was a COMPLETE bottle refuser.
And they were both absolutely fine.
She will adapt without you there. DS1 ate absolutely nothing at home and barely took anything from sippy cups but ate like a horse at nursery and napped to a schedule like he'd been reading Gina Ford since birth. Nursery workers know what they're doing, to the point that I was suspicious that they were pumping behaviour-altering drugs through the ventilation.
I absolutely love/d our nursery (DS2 is in his final months there now) and would never have put them with a childminder - didn't want to be tied into someone else's holidays, wanted them to be with the same children from baby room to pre-school etc. The ratio is still one key worker to four children, exactly the same as a childminder, so they do get the same level of attention.
Most childcare settings have spaces in September, when children go to school and try to fill them asap (preferably with people already on the waiting list). You need to get work to confirm days.
You're very late, we put names down after the 12 week scan! It's not just BS from the nurseries, I'm afraid you'll have to take what's left.
Thank you everyone it's good to hear some positive stories. Feeling quite annoyed at myself and with work tbh. I should be more on the ball I am normally quite an organised person. However I have been on to work for quite a while. I spoke to them before this in October and they said it was way too early for them to plan anything and to contact after Xmas. I was just worried about pushing it as they don't technically have to give me a part time job.
There is no way I can put my DD somewhere I'm not happy with. If I can't find anywhere in time me and my DH will have to work it between us temporarily even if it means using holidays occasionally.
We booked DD's space at eight weeks for her to start at a year old so you might have trouble finding somewhere that can offer the days/times that you want? Definitely worth looking around at what's available - we looked round two nurseries and the one I thought I'd like I really didn't!
As for settling - we have no relatives nearby so DD spent the whole of her first year with me and DH. There was no one else to leave her with. Mostly me, although I did one KIT day and DH took annual leave to look after her. However, DD was used to seeing and interacting with a lot of other people of various ages and other children (through going to church with me and with going to lots of toddler groups) which I think really helped her settle at nursery quickly.
DD was combi-fed but never seemed that fussed about milk at nursery. I never bothered pumping but fed her morning and evening those days.
Space depends on the area. I have my pick of 8 good or outstanding nurseries in the 5 miles between here and work but my friends are struggling to get a space for a baby that hasn't been born yet!
DD2 was a bottle refuser, at 3m she went 6 hours without milk such was her determination but she was fine at nursery at 9m. She clearly realised that I wasn't coming back any time soon
The simple solution is to book a full time space for May (in my Nursery it's the same deposit as a part time space)
Then 1 calendar month before your child is due to start put in writing that you unfortunately will have to drop some days.
And choose only the days you will be working.
There are huge waiting lists where I am, I had to put my DC's name down when I was 12 weeks pregnant to get the space I wanted at my preferred Nursery.
Please login first.