Help son refusing nursery(6 Posts)
I'm a SAHM with a great DH and two DS.DH works long hours and is away a lot during the week but fantastic with our boys when home.DS1 is 3 and a half and DS2 is 18m,I've been struggling with DS2 he is a lively bright boy but constantly needs attention and I've been run down trying to look after both.
DS1 started school nursery beginning of September and settled well but had been crying in his sleep about another boy who kept hitting and pushing him.I asked where he hits him and he said on his legs and with his fist.There are lots of little bruises all over his legs which I just put down to the rough times and tumble of nursery.DS1 isn't one to fight or fight back,he loves other kids and he seems upset that the boy hurts him.
I spoke to his nursery teacher about it yesterday and she assured me she'd keep an eye on him.Last night he came home and seemed ok but a little fractious due to having a bit of a cold.At the drop off today DS1 was clinging to me and crying for me not to go it was awful!The teacher asked me to come into the classroom for a few minutes but he wouldn't settle and kept screaming and crying.He was clinging to me and then the teacher gestured to another member of staff who then prised my son off me and carried him away.
I felt awful!I was giving her some more contact details when my son raced across the classroom and managed to escape through the door that was ajar (kids were watching me talking to teacher.He was crying and screaming to the point he was being sick,clinging to meThen the previous woman came and just took him off me at which point I was so shaken up that I said it's ok I will take him home.They wouldn't let him go at first but I just said I would take him home.
Nursery think I'm being soft but I know my son is normally a happy boy and has previously run in to nursery with no trouble. I was really benefiting from the break of just hsving DS2 to care for and I'm very down that DS1 wants to be home.I thought he would get a lot from the nursery.
Should I try again to send him?Am I being too soft?
This must be heart breaking for you. Did you ask nursery if they saw any of the other children hit your DS- even if to the other child it's a game or looks a game to the nursery staff. Is it one particular child ? Is there anyway you can identify this child and perhaps send your DS to nursery on days said child doesn't attend just to settle him back in if he previously enjoyed it. I don't think you're being soft you know your son. If you can't rearrange his days I would try and take him back and build up gradually or find a different nursery. Good luck.
Looking it at this from another point of view, you should not have taken him home.
All you have now taught him is he has to cling to you, cry, and even when the staff (trained professionals) tell you to leave him, you take him home.
He is seeing that you go home where his sibling is, and yes, nursery can be unsettling at first, they have to share toys with lots of other children and take turns. So lots of children struggle to begin with.
I too am a SAHM and I used to prise my son's hands from the railings to get him into nursery because the minute I left he was happy as anything playing with all the other children and new and varied toys.
What if this was school?
Either you drop him off and leave immediately, no hanging around. Or you suck it up and continue to be exhausted. No one ever said parenting was easy, and at no stage have nursery said he is unhappy. You have the word of a 3 year old, who half the time will live in fantasy land.
My children are much older so I can look back now and tell you it was the best thing sending them to nursery. But only you can decide.
Unfortunately there is a risk that now it is going to be very hard to settle him when you drop off. I would call nursery and have a discussion about what you are going to do at drop off, ie have a nominated staff member take him off and distract him and comfort him and you immediately leave (sorry) then call nursery after 15 minutes and see how he is.
It's awful I've been there but it really is best to drop and run. Keep in contact 're concerns about other child and trust your instincts if you feel something is wrong.
We are going through this exact same thing at the moment too and it's so difficult. Has it changed at all? I can see it's a couple of weeks since you posted.
I just brought my daughter home today too as she was so panicked and upset and kept telling me she wanted to go home. She was also repeatedly hit in the face by another child there. I think it's unfair to tell you that you are making the settling in more difficult, it's obviously upsetting and you know your kid better than the staff.
A different view. You are a SAHM, so he doesn't HAVE to be in childcare. Why make life such an ordeal for a little one when it doesn't have to be? Fast forward to the future...you're in a care home, and you are being hit by the other people there, beg your son to take you out and try to escape, and he just sticks you back in and makes a quick exit. Wouldn't you hope he would be kind to you and find you anotehr care home that you weren't being abused in?? Maybe he's not ready for nursery, or maybe this particular nursery isn't the right one for him if they can't stop other children hitting your son. Why would you take him back when he is so miserable?? Either keep him at home, or send him to a nursery that he enjoys going to. Plenty of kids enjoy nursery or at least don't absolutely hate it, so look for a different one if you really can't cope with him being at home with you.
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