just taken ds to his first settling in session at nursery - could do with talking it through!

[Tutter]

am planning on starting ds at nursery 2 mornings a week after easter

he's 22mo. am expecting ds2 in july (hence starting ds1 in nursery - just to free up some time for me and newborn when he arrives)

he's pretty confident and happy - not clingy. he legged it to play with toys when we got there so i retreated to the office without saying goodbye

he was fine for half an hour - apparentl playing happily on his own but then got upset - was looking for me. after 15 mins they came to get me and we headed off

was only going to be an hour's settling period anyway

but now am feeling all hormonal and upset and wondering if i'm doing the right thing. i don't have to send him after all - am at home and have no plans to return to work

any advice/words of wisdom/reassurance would be appreciated

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

It sounds like he did well for a first time. It gets better - for both of you.

[piglit]

He will be fine! It can sometimes take a little while. They need to realise that you will come and get them and it just takes a few sessions for them to realise that.

Ds1 started at nursery for 2 afternoons a week in Jan (aged 2.2) because I wanted him to get the hang of a structured environment and playing with lots children his own age. (He has a brother who's a year younger than him). I found the settling in quite hard and we did it for about 3 weeks, gradually longer each time. He's fine now and runs into nursery. He still runs to me for a big hug when I pick him up but I know he enjoys himself and it should make the transition to pre-school and school so much easier for him.

Good luck - I'm sure he'll be fine.

[HuwEdwards]

depends - do you intend that he will go into nursery in the next 6 months? if so, persevere as you'll only have to go through it all again anyway.

Only you can decide whether or not he should go, but it does get better. Both my DDs have been through nursery now - starting from 8 months. It was so hard, but I had to persevere as I was working.

But everything is soooooo much more emotional when pg!

Good luck!

[USAUKMum]

Sounds as if he did really well! I would try saying goodbye to him next time. Then he knows you are gone, and maybe then he won't look for you after the excitement of the arrival is good. I found my DC did much better with a goodbye/

Good luck

[nogoes]

I know each child is different but I think between 2-2.6 is the best time to start nursery. They seem to settle better at that age.

[nogoes]

Sorry, I hadn't finished typeing. I meant to add that your ds sounds about the right age and did really well!

[Tutter]

nogoes, he will be 2 weeks short of his second birthday when he starts properly

[Tutter]

ah, x-posts

[Tutter]

thanks everyone

tugs on your heart a bit doensn't it

don't know why but i'd assumed he'd be fine and wouldn't even notice i wasn't there

[FrannyandZooey]

Tutter, I felt very wobbly on leaving ds at nursery, for quite a while (as harpsichordcarrier will vouch for as I used to ring her and wail after dropping him off )

we only had one incident where he was ever upset, but having been an extremely hands on type SAHM it just felt WRONG and against all my instincts to leave him with people who I didn't know extremely well.

I took my time settling him in and all was well and for the most part he really enjoys it. However I DO think you have to go against some fairly primal maternal instincts to do this, so expect some strong emotional reaction if you decide to go ahead with it.

Only you know whether it is the right time for him and whether the pros will outweigh the cons.

[Tutter]

how old was ds franny? and what prompted you to start him at nursery, if you don't mind me asking?

[Mumpbump]

Ds started doing two morning a week when he was about 5 mo and went full-time at 6 mo as I went back to work. It was really hard to leave him and it took him a while to settle in, but he is super happy there now!

I think it is probably harder for the mother than for the child, tbh...

[FrannyandZooey]

No I don't mind at all Tutter

erm I think he must have been nearly 3? will search threads to work it out

I was always very against nurseries, having worked in one, and being a believer that children are best off at home with a parent

but when the time came I was finding it very hard to have ds at home all day every day (I have had no help from relatives, ever, and I didn't have friends who needed swops as they all had relatives helping, and nursery as well)

and I realised he was in theory ready for this and that he could get something from it. He was getting more independent and wanting to do things on his own, without me. It is hard to find activities for a child this age to branch out with, that aren't hugely expensive, or a nursery. There was nothing other than the same old p+T groups which we had exhausted.

I have been extremely lucky in finding a nursery that shares my belief that children this age should be playing, and are very flexible so I can pick him up and drop him off at any time during a session. We just did hour long sessions for a while until he was older. They don't do any formal work at all, and I will often leave ds at the sandpit and come back an hour and a half later to find him still there completely absorbed

[FrannyandZooey]

Have checked, he was 3.2, and we did short sessions for a month or two and then it was the summer break. By the time they started again he was nearly 3.5 and the few months had made a big difference.

But they are all so wildly different in their development and personality.

[Tutter]

thanks franny

i don't know - i've alwyas assumed he would be at home with me until 3, but then i've been trying to get my head around how my days will work with a toddler and a newborn

if i'm entirely honest it would be for me more than for him

[Tutter]

i love having him at home btw, but have also seen a friend struggling recently with her ds of the same age and her newborn...

[Mumpbump]

I'm expecting no. 2 in October when ds will be 20 months old and we are definitely keeping him in nursery for a couple of mornings for the same reasons (and to ensure some continuity). I wouldn't want him to miss out on the social aspect.

It does take a while for them to settle in, but I'm sure your ds will enjoy it once he has done!

[FrannyandZooey]

You have to weigh up whether he would be happier at home with you all the time (with you possibly being more grumpy and stressed) or whether the break of a few hours a week could in the long term be best for you and him.

It just wouldn't have worked, at that age, for me and ds, but I know people for whom it does work.

Have you got any help nearby?

[Tutter]

no, franny. families live min 2 hours drive away, although i suspect ILs more than happy to come for a day or two a fortnight - MIL retired at christmas, FIL duet to retire in july

[mrsjohnsim]

my ds1 startedat a playgroup aged 2 and did very well there. Ds2 was a few weeks old when he started.
It owroked just fine for us and i thnk ds1 liked his time there as he it was a break from tired mummy and wailing baby tbh.

I didn't really want to leave him and i still have a strugle some days when i leave him at preschool (he is now 3.5) but he thrives on it and seems pretty happy to be out of the house and doing stuff with different people

[mrsjohnsim]

i ahd no help either, family patchy and not capable and friends all have kids too and just couldn't do the swop back with a newborn.

[FrannyandZooey]

It is very hard. I think you are probably just experiencing the natural wobbles that come from leaving your precious one with another person. It feels really odd. I would think time would tell whether this is the right thing for you both at the moment, or whether it is better to muddle on through at home and leave it till he is older. Try another visit and see how you feel?

[Tutter]

thanks franny

have a 2 hour session planned for teatime on friday

had planned to leave him there and disappear shopping, but think i shall stay (in the office again)

[FrannyandZooey]

I stayed for weeks and weeks. I don't understand this scenario of "you must leave them crying and then they will get used to it quicker."

Well, maybe, but...I don't have to be anywhere, so why would I leave him if he was upset?

[Mumpbump]

I think staying in the office is a good idea. Ds always howls when I leave the house, but my parents/au pair tell me he stops howling within a couple of minutes and is then sunny-natured for the rest of the day. Apparently, he is much more settled than when I'm around and I guess it's because he is always trying to get my attention/picked up, etc.