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Referral to child protection with very little ground... shocked, confused, indignant and sad. Has anyone else had the same???

(90 Posts)
ShePersisted Sat 01-Jul-17 21:58:05

Our long time nursery (or someone on staff there) reported a welfare concern regarding our older girl to child protection. Their claimis that she was 1, wearing a long sleeved top on a hot day; 2, hadn't had her hair neatly done; and 3, after sticking her hands down her knickers was complaining that they then smelt of poo. They never spoke to us about it (after 3 years of our daughter attending the nursery) and we're now stuck waiting for the outcome of a police record search over the weekend before the matter can be put to rest. All these things aren't ideal but they don't strike me as welfare/ protection issues and I'm just FUMING. 

A few comments on the "incident": 1, the referral claims it happened on Wednesday the 14 of June; there's no such date in 2017 and my daughter doesn't go into nurseries on Wednesdays. 2, she is always sent with a change of clothes including a short sleeved top that they could have put her into if they were concerned. 3, I'm just not surprised at either a toddler sticking her hands down her knickers or that, after doing so her hands would smell. 

I feel so unjustly singled out for really very minor and cosmetic offenses. Has anyone else had this? I feel as though after such a long and good relationship with the setting they are doubting my ability and / or good will as a parent. Most of all, I'm shocked that they wouldn't come to me directly with this or at least in parallel with lodging the referral. If there were any concerns, a quiet and quick word would have totally done the trick (mortifying as it would be.) 

My girl is a September baby and so she has a whole year to go at the nursery before school. Weve been otherwise so happy there that my younger girl is about to start in September and was meant to do three years there, too. But, considering this breakdown of the trust relationship... well I'm just not at all sure if I can see doing that. 

A couple of other points to add: the date of the incident was parent teacher night so I am doubly surprised they wouldn't have mentioned anything then (to the contrary we got glowing reviews that our girl could write her name already, etc) and the week that followed we had a home visit with the nursery head in advance of our youngest starting; again, nothing mentioned. 

I don't know what to think and I'm driving myself a bit mad with worry about it... what do others think????

OP’s posts: |
qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Sat 01-Jul-17 22:03:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Afreshstartplease Sat 01-Jul-17 22:04:55

If that is honestly all the reported you for I'm surprised it's even being looked at TBH

ShePersisted Sat 01-Jul-17 22:07:17

Me too, I just don't get it!

OP’s posts: |
AssassinatedBeauty Sat 01-Jul-17 22:10:43

Unless there's more to it than they've told you, that's not anything to report. Amazed that the police are even looking in to anything. I'd be handing in notice to the nursery and finding another setting as there's no way I'd trust them to be reasonable now.

feathermucker Sat 01-Jul-17 22:10:44

There is a Wednesday 14th June though. My sons birthday was Tuesday 13th June.

Rioja123 Sat 01-Jul-17 22:13:09

There is a Wed 14 June

ShePersisted Sat 01-Jul-17 22:14:20

Ah, right, sorry -- issue was that wouldn't have been there.

OP’s posts: |
Whosthemummynow Sat 01-Jul-17 22:14:47

the referral claims it happened on Wednesday the 14 of June; there's no such date in 2017

Yes there is.

ShePersisted Sat 01-Jul-17 22:17:46

Right, sorry that was my mistake. the date exists, she was just not there on that date.

OP’s posts: |
Lindy2 Sat 01-Jul-17 22:18:00

It does sound odd. Generally unless it is deemed to be too risky, any concerns should initially be discussed with parents.

ShePersisted Sat 01-Jul-17 22:20:05

I cannot imagine why they'd think it risky to talk to us. Like I said, we had 2 one on ones that week alone. It's so perplexing. sad

OP’s posts: |
AddictedToDrPepper Sat 01-Jul-17 22:20:46

Is it at all possible they have your DD confused with another child?

I'm not sure where you are but here in scotland they need to tell you if they're going to refer you. Also, why would there be a police check done? Normally the social work come and visit you/speak to you and depending on your childs age speak to them...

AddictedToDrPepper Sat 01-Jul-17 22:22:10

Also, why are your child's hands being smelled?

Owl1011 Sat 01-Jul-17 22:25:41

Can you sit down with the nursery to discuss your concerns with them? The staff might need a refresher in child protection training and what actually constitutes reporting a concern.

MargoChanning Sat 01-Jul-17 22:27:35

How very odd. No wonder you have lost trust in them. Id be furious but best thing is to remain calm. You have done nothing wrong and im sure the police/ss will accept that if they speak to you directly.

ShePersisted Sat 01-Jul-17 22:27:41

This is the first time anything like this has happened to me plus I'm from Canada originally, so I'm not very familiar with the system. It seems that once a nursery launches a low risk referral, they then take 72 hours to run police record checks (which in our case will turn up nothing). I think if it were higher risk concerns we'd have social services at our door within 24 hours. I think they were smelling her because she'd said she smelled. So I guess the worry is that she's being neglected???? I just can't see how they'd think that! She's adored and very well looked after.

OP’s posts: |
Afreshstartplease Sat 01-Jul-17 22:29:50

You don't need to make the effort to smell a child who smells from neglect. You notice it!

ShePersisted Sat 01-Jul-17 22:29:59

After the referral is closed I plan to sit down with the nursery head to discuss together with DH. I have to at least understand what their perspective was and if I can trust them anymore.

OP’s posts: |
Heartoverheadhouse Sat 01-Jul-17 22:32:44

This is bizarre. This is the most normal stuff. Have you spoken to the nursery about why they felt this warranted a police referral? Any chance there's a rouge nursery worker who has done this off their own back vindictively? Have you had cause to complain about anyone?

My DD has messy hair a lot but she's 3 and not a lover of a brush so I don't worry about it. It's not matted. Long sleeve top so ridiculous mornings it's cold don't know what it's going to warm up to. And the poo thing - surely if her bum wasn't wiped properly she's at nursery and they should have helped her!

Heartoverheadhouse Sat 01-Jul-17 22:35:43

Also was it social services who have you the info? Any chance there's someone you've made an enemy of who could have lied about being from the nursery? It just doesn't add u!

GreenTulips Sat 01-Jul-17 22:44:17

A few years ago DS had an accident at home - we had a call from SS - voicemail to check if things were ok - and for us to call if not! I didn't ring and they never called back - so I wouldn't be overly concerned

MusicForTheJiltedGeneration Sat 01-Jul-17 22:47:31

This really really does not sound right shock

There's nowhere near enough grounds to refer to SS.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 01-Jul-17 22:49:57

It's considered good practise to discuss referrals with the care givers/parents prior to making them unless doing so would place the child at risk of further harm.

However it's quite usual for it to be done covertly with no good reason.

having worked within children's services for ages (do not work for them now but I do work with them) I would not be surprised if the staff member who made the report (assuming what you have said is all that is in it) had recently been on a course.

If the info you have given is correct I would not be sending my younger child and when this referral results in a confused social worker wondering what the Jeff she is doing bothering and closes the situation I would also be removing my other child.

AmberR12 Sat 01-Jul-17 22:50:09

None of these are risks and I'm surprised this is even being looked into tbh unless there is more to this story

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