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Unreasonable nursery or bad parenting?

(47 Posts)
Cpm16 Fri 28-Apr-17 18:52:05

My boy is 7 months old and goes to nursery 3 days a week. We've started weaning him, spoon feeding puree. I've told the nursery who at the time raised no concerns. Apparently it isn't their policy to spoon feed as it doesn't encourage them to feed themselves so they have been going ahead with baby led weaning and son has been going without food for majority of day because he likes his puree. I had to ask twice and put in writing we don't want him fed with their method and now all of a sudden they are hinting at bad parenting.

One of the owners suggested babies have a "pouch" that stops them from choking (turns out she was talking about the epiglottilus, hardly an "anti choke pouch") and they have said we need to get him referred for physiotherapy because he's not sitting yet. The latest is that the nursery have "phoned safeguarding" about his lack of sitting at 7 months and the potential internal damage we're doing by force feeding him puree (sat in a high chair whilst he's sitting with desperately gaping mouth) and that we have 2 weeks to get him to the doctor or they'll go ahead and "refer him themselves"

I asked where I could read up on their concerns and the only response was they have level 7 qualifications in childcare and see 1000s of babies so they know best.

I think its a load of rubbish and an unprofessional response to me disagreeing with how my boy gets weaned but the threat of safeguarding referral/social services seems way out line... thoughta and opinions?

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Duckyneedsaclean Fri 28-Apr-17 18:55:03

They sound mental.

MiniAlphaBravo Fri 28-Apr-17 18:56:09

You should have discussed this when deciding on a nursery. It is difficult for staff to sit and feed one child and they would have to prepare special food for him, presumably pureeing everything..... I'm not sure thatnwouod be very easy in a nursery setting. Though going to social services because he's not sitting up does seem rather extreme! I doubt ss will be interested.

littleducks Fri 28-Apr-17 19:00:00

Is he not sitting unsupported? or not sitting at all ?

You mentioned a high chair so sounds like the former which is slightly delayed but not a huge concern.

SummerHouse Fri 28-Apr-17 19:00:36

Food is just for fun until they are one. So nutrition wise he is getting calories and all he needs from milk. I think a feed themselves / spoon feed combo is best so I wouldn't have an issue with that.

But their response to you is just nuts. Nowt as queer as folk. I would find another nursery.

abbsisspartacus Fri 28-Apr-17 19:01:43

Is he sitting up though? Speak to your health visitor if they call SS on you they will be rang first anyway

I was reported to SS maliciously before I even got back from hospital with him my health visitor was very scathing when she got the call stating it was unlikely I was harming him and yes she did think the nicu staff would notice if I had

Thebookswereherfriends Fri 28-Apr-17 19:04:02

That's ridiculous! I used to be a nursery nurse in a baby room and the ratio is usually 1 member of staff to 2 or 3 babies. At lunchtime we regularly spoonfed children and whilst it is good to encourage children to feed themselves if they are enjoying puree and that is what you want him to have then that is what they should feed. You presumably take your own food in for him?

HeyRoly Fri 28-Apr-17 19:04:10

WTF?

Neither of my children sat unsupported at seven months.

It rather sounds as if they want all babies doing BLW because they can't be arsed to spend time 1/1 with babies spoon feeding them. Because time is money.

NuffSaidSam Fri 28-Apr-17 19:05:48

It is fine for them to use a different method than you re. food. In fact, it's probably a good thing that he gets to try both BLW as well as purees. It shouldn't matter that he is going all day without food because at 7 months all his nutrients should be coming from milk. Food at that age is just an added extra/for experimentation. Food for fun till one and all that! BLW is the current favoured method for weaning and so it makes sense that the nursery would use this (combined with the fact that it's hard to spoon feed lots of babies).

All the rest of it is madness! Are you in the UK? If so, you're either dealing with crazy people of you've misunderstood what they've said. Or you've not given us the full story....

Instasista Fri 28-Apr-17 19:05:49

This just doesn't sound right at all- they're going to report you to SS for purée feeding? They must surely realise how unprofessional, time wasting and inadequate they will sound?

I don't understand how the sitting up fits in at all- unless he isn't sitting up?

SexTrainGlue Fri 28-Apr-17 19:07:47

Published NHS information says babies normally sit between 6-8 months.

There is nothing that I can find from NHS which says that normal feeding with a spoon causes any internal damage.

I suggest you write to them (so you have a paper trail) stating that you have established from material published on NHS website about age for sitting, and have no intention of seeking a referral until your DC has exceeded the age range they state as normal. Also, you have been unable to find information on feeding causing internal damage, and should be grateful for peer-reviewed information on this before making a medical appointment.

Basically they're trying to bully you.

Lookmfor a new nursery.

ZilphasHatpin Fri 28-Apr-17 19:08:56

They phoned "safeguarding" about him but sitting up? Are they sure they did? Because sitting up is sweet fuck all to do with safeguarding! They sound thick as champ. I'd move him to another nursery.

Heirhelp Fri 28-Apr-17 19:09:13

My daughter was 7 months before sitting unsupported. We did blw but now at 1 she has a mixture of spooned feed and feeding herself which nursery are happy to support. The NHS does advise that finger food should be given from 6 months but the nursery and you should be in agreement.

Have they referred you to safeguarding? Clearly giving purée to a 7 month old is not a safeguarding issue. I would be looking for a new nursery and contacting OFsted about this supposed safeguarding issue.

ZilphasHatpin Fri 28-Apr-17 19:09:14

not sitting up

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Fri 28-Apr-17 19:12:41

Look for a new nursery. I've a feeling this level of batshit will only get worse in the future.

shazkiwi Fri 28-Apr-17 19:23:49

I think the nursery are negligent - they shouldn't be following blw if the baby cannot sit unaided.

WellThisIsShit Fri 28-Apr-17 19:31:39

If they had said that this is the way they wean young children and they cannot change this method as they don't have the staff availability... well, that sounds honest and perhaps the reality of the nursery.

But to represent baby led weaving as the Only Way to do weaning, and as purées as tantamount to child abuse... well, perhaps it's a good moment to involve children's services, as there's something wrong there!

They can refer to children's services for anything they like, but of course it's up to children's services to decide whether this merits opening an investigation and whether the investigation yields any concerns.

So I'd relax and not worry about the threatening way this nursery are using children's services as the boogeyman. They don't even sound clever enough to make up a safeguarding concern that sounds concerning! "Oh nooo, these terrible parents are feeding their child in a way that has been done for many years and remains one of the main ways to feed a baby, for which there exists a massive, profitable and completely legitimate baby food purée market. Oh dear, aren't they terrible... please stop working on your caseload of actually abused, neglected and in danger children and come and scare this family'....

Err, no. What we can't tell from the Internet is if there are any legitimate concerns about your baby's ability to sit up. Doesn't sound massively worrying but worth keeping an eye on? If they had simply focused on this, they might have some kind of point using their experience in children and babies. But someone who thinks spooning purées is tantamount to child abuse/endangerment..... meh.... makes it hard to take anything they say seriously.

What I would do is look around for a nursery which behaves in a professional manner and doesn't spread misinformation as fact, and threaten parents into submission.

These are not people who have the right skills or ethos to look after your baby!

TiggyMP Fri 28-Apr-17 19:32:00

Please tell ofsted about this. They clearly don't know what they're doing.

And leave.

Figgygal Fri 28-Apr-17 19:33:17

Look for a new nursery they sound horrendous

CMamaof4 Fri 28-Apr-17 19:34:28

I would look for a new nursery asap

Cpm16 Fri 28-Apr-17 19:40:47

I buy pre pureed pouches which nursery say are high in salt, though the nutritional information days otherwise, so they won't be giving them to him. I can understand them only wanting to do blw as it's the current recommendation from nhs, they gave me a print out on it. I still said I want him on puree until he shows signs of being ready for solids. I was giving them bottles for formula feeding but going by the info sheets they give at the end of the day which tells us what's he eaten, wet or soiled nappies, general activities etc they were sitting him in front of boiled veg and if he didn't eat it then he didnt get fed.

I said he shows no interest in solid food and we weren't happy he was going hungry then they seemed to backtrack and said they still gave him bottles (no mention on the info sheet) and it wasn't until I handed in a letter asking them to kindly respect our decision and spoon feed him puree or just give him formula that any "issues" were raised.

As far as we were concerned, we just didn't want blw, which we did try at home and it didn't work, and that was that. But to jump straight to threats on safeguarding seems unreasonable to us. I feel obligated to take him to gp now for fear of being reported but seriously hoping they'll agree that at 7 months hes not at risk of slow development, internal organ dsmge and bad parents.

And yes we are definitely on for a new nursery

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BeaveredBadgered Fri 28-Apr-17 19:49:42

They sound bonkers. If they're not feeding him his milk at 7 months old that's seriously negligent. I'd contact ofsted and remove him immediately if you even slightly suspect they've not given him formula feeds at the agreed times.

BeaveredBadgered Fri 28-Apr-17 19:51:15

There's clearly no basis for a referral to SS, it's a smoke screen to deflect from their poor set up and failure in their duty of care.

Cpm16 Fri 28-Apr-17 19:54:08

Me and his dad just aren't concerned with his development at all. Speaking to other people and they say babies develop at different paces. Are we too relaxed in his development or is there truly a concern he's not sitting at 7 months?

I should say, we encourage him sitting. He balances about a second or 2 on his own. I'll let him grab my hands and help him pull himself up but he goes straight for a standing position instead. We have a pillow he have him sit in to get him used to the position. He shows no real interest in sitting. Up til now I just put him down and as a little bit lazy to be honest

OP’s posts: |
Cpm16 Fri 28-Apr-17 19:55:56

*put him down as being a little bit lazy

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