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Please help re nursery

(15 Posts)
viio Fri 28-Apr-17 07:20:32


My children have started nursery this week. It is a private and good nursery according to the reports. However I feel like my children are just a nuisance to them.

Most of their class (and they are only 3!) is well advanced. My children are not that independent or advanced and one does not speak much yet. They are both still in nappies.

The nursery asked us to potty train them but that was when we enrolled and they were 2 so we said yes but did not anticipate that they just won't be ready by 3.

The problem I have with nursery is that they have no place to change their nappies as most children are potty trained. I had to change my child outside in the cold in my push chair. Also as my children are not happy to be left alone they called me and asked me to take them home because they cried. I am allowe to be there some of the time (they only go for short time anyway) and what I saw when I was there is new assiastant teacher every day and no one really spends too much time with my children but they are left to just wonder about and entertain themselves. This means that when I leave they want to go with me as they do not find it interesting or entertaining or I guess comfortable being alone.

They have never been in a nursery setting so they are not able to follow story telling or group activities.

The teachers do not particularly encourage me when I am there to even sit down or anything and I feel like I am a nuisance. On To of it all I have to run after my children as no one seems to look after them. One ended up wondering off alone outside up steep staircase so I had to tell them to get him.

I feel like it may be a good nursery for more advanced 3 year olds but I don't understand why do they not have provisions for children that are a bit behind.

The question is am I being too sensitive or should the nursery do more to help me and them to settle?

Thank you all so much!

OP’s posts: |
Gizlotsmum Fri 28-Apr-17 07:25:07

It sounds like you aren't a good fit with this nursery. Do other parents stay? Is there another venue you could try? My two were in childcare much younger and I only stayed for one session to help them settle. At preschool they like them nappy trained so we did our best. We resorted to pull ups as they weren't quite ready at 3 but if it is the nursery requirement then why should they need nappy change facilities?

EsmesBees Fri 28-Apr-17 07:26:51

I would say it doesn't sound like the right childcare for your children. If there is no where to change their nappies, the kids are not participating in the activities, and you are having to go in to supervise, it sounds like it's not working for either you or your children. And yes, they probably should be doing more to help them settle, but it sounds like their default solution is to call you in.

Are there alternative nurseries you could look in to? Also, how long do they spend there? If they are only doing a few hours it may not be enough time for them to get used to it between sessions.

SheSparkles Fri 28-Apr-17 07:29:45

Is it a childcare nursery or more of a playgroup?

VeryPunny Fri 28-Apr-17 07:34:43

Nursery sounds a bit shit to be honest. I'd think about leaving and tell them why.

Our Outstanding nursery has facilities in each room for nappy changing, right up to the preschool room. They also provide comprehensive help with potty training, which I think is essential for a nursery to offer given that some children are there full time.

viio Fri 28-Apr-17 08:24:36

Verypunny wish my children are at your nursery.

The reason we need nappy hanging facilities is because we could not have predicted at 2 that by 3 they wouldn't be potty trained. I have tried and needed up with one child withholding their poo due to having an accident and now being scared. This causes constipation and pain for him but I am dealing with it. Nursery are not interested. But should they be how can a parent force a child that is not ready to potty train? From the research I have done it's bad to potty train if children are not ready. How can a nursery not have a provision for some children that are not ready.

I expected the nursery to allocate one person to play with children and make them
Feel safe and comfortable so that they settle in more easily.

There is a key worker who is spending her time leading activities for the children that are more advanced.

It's a private nursery and we have paid this term in advance so we cannot get out of it but I wanted to know if what they do all nurseries do.

Thanks everyone

OP’s posts: |
LIZS Fri 28-Apr-17 08:44:11

By you being there the staff may feel they need to interact less with your dc. When you leave you need to ensure someone else has engaged their attention. Self led activities are not unusual though. What type of nursery/preschool is it? Are you in uk as there should be specific toilet facilities for the children which you could use to change them. Is there a room with younger children where they could start which would have more appropriate facilities and resources.

2014newme Fri 28-Apr-17 08:48:15

The nursery sounds poor. I would find a different one. It may be a great nursery for some children but it isn't for yours. Calling you to pick them up because they cry is crazy!

viio Fri 28-Apr-17 09:14:41

I understand that children at that age free play and should do that. What I do not understand is why the nursery is not doing more to get them involved/interested so that they get the love the place and want to stay.

They have toilets (children's toilets) which they offered me to change my child but there was no space to change him the as a child needs to be on the floor to get changed a nappy - I am not going to put my child on dirty wet floor with door open and kids going in and out.

We were supposed to have a home visit before they started the nursery but that never happened as they were busy I guess so they never even explained anything to us. Theybhave no idea of my children's likes and dislikes or are interested in it... we filled the form which only asks about allergies etc. Or any medical issues.

I don't know it's so stressful and so upsetting for me... I just though that nursery is supposed to be all about helping children develop regardless of stage they are at and engaging them, and helping them settle in a new environment.

OP’s posts: |
LIZS Fri 28-Apr-17 09:25:06

I'm surprised your 3 yr olds would still be prepared to lie down to change nappies, have you thought about using nappy pants for nursery which are easier to change upright. It sounds as if the level of independence is beyond them atm. How many times have they been so far? Could you take them out and try again in September. Are they twins or very close in age as that may mean they feel less need to interact with others.

viio Fri 28-Apr-17 09:45:08

Yes they are twins. They have no problem to lie down for me to change them. Changing pull up pants would be more difficult as one would have to take off the shoes and all the clothes to change them. Actually they are freely well behaved so if I ask tonput their shoes on or coat they do it. They are not independent because I have looked after them since they were born and did everything for them. Initially in their first couple of years due to allergies and medical
Issues I had to pay lots of attention to them and therefore probably did more for them than I should have hence their inability now to do things for themselves. On the other hand perhaps they are just slow at starting to do things, they didn't walk until 17 months, didn't get teeth for a long time they are also at just about everything. But we are all human beings and do things at our own speed. I know some grown up people who still can't do things for themselves!

However all of that is besides the point because I expect the nursery to be supportive and accommodating.

OP’s posts: |
Dearohdeer Fri 28-Apr-17 09:51:43

Speak to management. I know this isn't a nice thing to hear but if they really do feel your children are a 'nuisance' (then they are horrid) but may be willing to refund you the term so you can move them to a different nursery.

Just say you don't think the nursery is suited to your children and you wish to find somewhere better suited.

It sounds like your children are better off out of there and in somewhere more supportive. Many excellent nurseries have high standards to children and will naturally adapt these to a child's individual development.

Dearohdeer Fri 28-Apr-17 09:53:04

High standards for children I mean.

viio Fri 28-Apr-17 18:09:25

Thank you dearohdear. I will speak to them next week. Not sure if nuisance is too strong of a word but they would certainly prefer an easy, independent, following instructions toddlers.

I actually do not think it's a place I want them in if they cannot cope with them. It's not ideal...

OP’s posts: |
insancerre Sat 29-Apr-17 07:29:24

I agree with dearohdeer
This is not the right nursery for your children
I think they realise this too and aren't trying very hard to settle them in because they are hoping you will take them out
Speak to the nursery and say they are not ready yet for their nursery and ask if you can have a refund
You may find that they will be happy to do this
I think because they didn't do the home visit, they were not prepared for your children
I think you need to find another nursery, one that takes younger children as your children are not ready for the pre school stage yet

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