Naughty did

[dinkydott]

My daughter who was 4 in Dec started a new nursery in sept. 6months ago. From sept to Dec she was happy and liking her new nursery. Since Christmas holiday starting back she has changed. Really naughty at nursery so much so she is chucking chairs hitting teachers and not joining in with circle time. Every day now when I pick her up they tell me she has had a bad day. Although sometimes good i.e. They have a sticker chart just for her every time she is good also they have now got a diary. And trying to find what the trigger point is. Iv had meeetings and really don't no why she is like she is she isn't that naughty at home. She has her moments but never chucked chairs or hit ever. She is how ever very strong willed. Which isn't a bad thing to have. Iv spoke to her a thousand times. Asking her to be good at nursery etc do punish her like toys put away iPad etc. No sweets. But feel now she has been labelled and they wait for her to be naughty. What I'm asking is possibly do they think there is something wrong with her or just a phase. I really need advice. Also I think nursery is failing her a bit. Ps she was at another nursery before this for a year and was so happy and nothing at all like this happened.

[Isthatwhatdemonsdo]

You need to speak at length to the nursery. Her key worker especially. Please don't punish her at home for behaviour in nursery.

[HSMMaCM]

Can she go back to the old nursery? Maybe she's angry about the change and has just realised the change is not temporary. Why did she move?

[dinkydott]

Her key worker is pregnant and ATM is off quite a lot so she does not really know a lot although does get updates. We have had a number of meetings. And still they look for me for answers I can answer as I have never seen her like this. I do help though by saying what she like and dislikes. They have started a sticker chat with her and I buy the stickers for them to put on the chart. Dd picked them. Do you think punishment at home is a no go then. I do try to talk to her about it all and why she is so angry there all I get is mummy I don't want to talk about it. Her dad has tried. Even a friend of mine has had her round hers as a play date to try and get her to open up. Dh thinks it's because she needs more stimulating as she is one of the older child ready for school now not nursery.

We left her old nursery as the new nursery was closer to home and the nursery is attached to the school she hopefully be going to and all her nursery friends will move up to. And also in her own community with friends. I really really wish I didn't move her now and get so upset that iv done this. I did look into moving her back but it's only another 3 months now tell she leaves. I'm counting the days. I nearly pulled her out all together but because of work I'd have to give it up. I also pay for an extra day at the nursery.

Really just trying to get to the bottom of. It all. And yes she loved her old nursery lots and maybe it's a lot to do with that and also my going back to work last November. But surely if this was a phase it would of calm down by now after all this time. I'd understand more if she was like this at home and could help more.

[Isthatwhatdemonsdo]

It's up to the nursery to put measures in place for her to have consequences if her behaviour is not good. If you punish her st home too, then that is not going to help.
Does the nursery have a SENCO? They should be able to put a plan together for helping her to manage her behaviour.

[dinkydott]

I'm not sure, they have not spoke about senco. They are how ever keeping a diary and trying to find the trigger point.

It's when she is punished at nursery like time out for something like not sharing that she then kicks off and chucks chairs and hits teachers 😱.
Also when she is told to do something she does not want to do like sit down at circle time.

Last Thursday she had time out and chucked chairs and toys. The nursery had left it all on the floor to show us at pick. I was gutted they felt the need to show us and leave it on the floor for my dd to be reminded of what she had done for a few hrs surely dd new the wrongs.

[Isthatwhatdemonsdo]

I think time out for not sharing is ridiculously harsh! Also leaving the toys on the floor that she has thrown to show you several hours later is utterly appalling.
Yes, DD should know the wrongs, but the staff need to talk to her and offer her choices and consequences for her behaviour and also lots of praise when she does sit for circle time etc. I'm speaking as a Nursery Practioner and Teaching Assistant of 16 years. I hope that they can find a solution to help your DD to manage her behaviour.

[dinkydott]

I know I really was shocked they did that my hubby said that he felt like he was the adult and the staff was a child grassing someone up. "Look what's she has done" pointing at the mess. We already know that she does this as been told when it's happen before. Don't get me wrong they do prise her when good and do a stick chart on her own. Also they give her little jobs to do like count the children in from dinner. They let her have choice also. Iv been told all this at meetings.

Also they intervene when there is a problem with sharing. And this is when dd gets angry so they give her time out. They ask her to do time out as a choice.

I think she has been labelled now. We had a stay and play afternoon last week and dd was playing and another girl had left a toy egg on dd table which came out the sand pit the teacher came over and said to dd that the egg does not belong there and dd had to put it back. Dd said I didn't put it there and the teacher said can you put it back as if she had done wrong.

Also her and her best friend had a sharing disagreement and it was dd who got taken away and then kicked off. I asked her later at home what happen and dd said mummy I had the toy and df took it off me. So another thing that dd got blamed for and sounds like it was not. All because I think her behaviour is expected now.

She is a good girl really I'm not just saying this she is helpful and out of nursery shares we have been to many play groups. Even still now we go to one on a morning once a week and been going since she was 7 months old and no problems. She goes to my friends house on a morning before nursery so friend drops her and her dd of at nursery she also has twin girls no problems there.

I just don't get what triggers her behaviour at nursery like this. She is happy to go as well no problems.

[Littlefish]

Throwing chairs and hitting adults is a pretty major problem, particularly as she is due to start school in September. If she was in the nursery where I work, we would be doing some closely supported work with her on taking turns, firstly with an adult, and then with another child, with the adult supporting. Over time, we would work on including more children in a small group with this turn taking.

Joining in with circle time when asked is actually really important. For many children it's the first time when their compliance is non-negotiable. Do the nursery staff give her a warning that circle time is about to happen? Do they use a "now and next" board to help her plan her time? Is there a visual timetable available so she can see the structure of the day?

[SafeToCross]

Have there been any changes at home (not behaviour, I mean things that might unsettle her, like you and your partner arguing, having other problems, other changes)?

[dinkydott]

Throwing chairs and hitting adults is a pretty major problem, particularly as she is due to start school in September. If she was in the nursery where I work, we would be doing some closely supported work with her on taking turns, firstly with an adult, and then with another child, with the adult supporting. Over time, we would work on including more children in a small group with this turn taking.

Joining in with circle time when asked is actually really important. For many children it's the first time when their compliance is non-negotiable. Do the nursery staff give her a warning that circle time is about to happen? Do they use a "now and next" board to help her plan her time? Is there a visual timetable available so she can see the structure of the day?



Yes most definitely this is way I'm asking for help reason.
How ever she has had a year at another nursery and shared took turns i.e. On iPad with a egg timer did circle time every day and even did dance on a Monday afternoon where they had to wait there turn. Now she does swimming lessons in groups of 6 and waits her turn all time.

This is treaty out of character for her to be like this I'm so shocked and it saddened me.

The teachers have said they always let the children no when it time for circle one in the morning one in the afternoon. They don't force her to do this they give her a choice if playing up to stay where she is or join in. Once she see them have fun she does some times join in.

She loves groups and use to love going to play groups more children the better.

[dinkydott]

There has been a few changes in the last year me and my dh got married in last august. I start back to work after 4 year in November. Also her daddy's gf had a baby back in may. Definitely no arguments not my end any way and I can't see her dad and gf doing it in font of the children.

She has been getting upset when daddy drops her off every other weekend he has her Friday to the Sunday and asks why daddy can't stay. Iv now put a picture of him in her room.

Other than the above not sure what else it could be

Nursery have said maybe work and me putting her in nursery for a extra day since November could be. But to chuck chairs and hit is a big rebel if that's the chase.

[dinkydott]

Oh and not sure about a time table or a now and next for the last 6 months with 2 parent meetings and a few more in between with teacher because of her out bursts nothing has been said.

With her starting school in September she will be nearly 5 and is most definitely ready for it. And this is what I think she needs . She is fed up of circle time and nursery maybe more stimulating things. Well I hoping and this is my thoughts. But please tell me if you think I'm thinking out side the box to much. Or trying to find excuses for her naughty behaviour.

God I never new this was going to be so hard swapping nurserys for the better 😩. Now for the worst
Or maybe she would of ended up like this at hr old nursery for some reason.

[dinkydott]

Up date. DD had another bad day bless her. Got very upset and angry a number of times.
Now another meeting after Easter.
Also I mentioned senco to them and they said this is what they want to talk to me about.
Something isn't sitting right with her at nursery or school big group environment. Although happy at home with me and out and about.

So I'm glad they are pushing forward with help instead of the see what happens game. It's been 3 months now.

I just want her happy and get to the bottom of it. Something is happening in her little head at nursery

[SafeToCross]

Ah, I hope you get somewhere with it OP - remember that behaviour issues are really common, so yes there may be an underlying sensory issue or other need, it may be something to do with the setting, or she may just be going through a bad patch - lots of activity, boundaries love and care from all parents will help (are rules/parenting approaches the same in both households?) You could look up some of the resources on incredible years website for thoughts.

[dinkydott]

Hi safetocross . Thank you . I will look up web page..... well as for parenting rule in same house holds. It's definitely different. Dd has been going to her daddy's every other weekend since she was 7 months old. Firstly it's round her dads mums/nanny been this way because she was so younge and I felt better about her being there. It's not changed although he goes to her dads girlfriend for the day. But does not sleep as gf has a 5 year old girl and they don't sleep well together and small house. No more bed rooms.

At her nanny she gets spoilt and also just goes to bed later. At home it's a set routine for 2 weeks 7.30. Even weekends. Iv had a chat with daddy about this and about routine. I did have problems few years back about the times he brought her back to me on a Sunday. It should of been 6.30 but was more like 9.00pm 😱. Anyway I had to seek advice and offer mediation didn't get that far as it gave daddy a shock tactic. So now home time is more 8.00pm better than it was.

When dd comes home she can be a little madam. Spoilt and answers back etc. It takes me a few days to get her back into our normal routine. But she does come down of her daddy girls pedal stall.

Her dad does step up to the mark of a great dad and loves his girl to bits. We can see that me and my hubby. And it is a long time without seeing her. Iv told him he can come round any time. He does chatbon the phone.

Mean time last few months dd is realising her emotions of daddy not living with us. And asking questions of why he don't live here but lives with other children i.e. Her little brother and 2 others.

I have to be very careful in what I say. Can't say because we don't love each other because to her she loves him and she loves me and we all love each other. So I just atm because sometime things happen and we can't live together.

She wants him to have a sleepover in her bed room. Next best thing is a picture in a frame of him and she puts it on her bed/pillow.

So yeah this is a new phase and emotion iv told nursery in last meeting about this.

Also here at our house she is a only child. I can't have child dd was ivf. After many many years of trying. I'm not a young mum age 42. 37 when dd came along.

Daddy weekends she isn't a only child but dad says she is fine and brilliant with the others no fuss good at sharing and dealing with other children and dads gf.

I did think at first dd was kicking off a nursery more so after her daddy weekends but as it happens it's not it's turning out not now and more like every week/day.

Sorry just gone on so much but these are important areas of dd life and maybe reasons.

It's so hard to figure out. That's why assessment would really help.

Pulse iv asked dd daddy to come to this meeting as he needs to hear first hand what's going on other than me relaying to him. And it's for dd best interest he does.

[SafeToCross]

That's great, it's hard to parent together when you are not together, but fantastic that you and he are both going - try to get a follow up meeting in the diary to review progress after a few weeks, keep the ball rolling.