How long to settle in?

[Heirhelp]

I am sure that this has been asked before but I could not find any threads. My DD is 10 1/2 months d and we have begun nursery settling in sessions.

This is week 3 of going for 3 days a week, actually first week was only two days. Today she cried when I said we are going to nursery, I calmed her down and she cried in the car, she was fine by the time we got to nursery but started crying when we went into the baby room. She is only doing an hour at a time at the moment.

We talk about nursery and what will happen at home and read books about nursery. Nursery also have a copy of her favourite book for her to read. Her key worker is lovely and it is a very quiet nursery. She does eventually settle but is often upset when I return as it is nearing nap time.

I just feel so guilty and I am starting to think maybe I should be a stay at home Mum.

[TiggyD]

I'd leave her longer. If she cries for an hour before she settles, and you take her away after an hour, she's only experiencing the crying bit.

When you talk to her about nursery and what will happen, what does she say?

[MotherofPearl]

Heir, I just recently settled my 10mo DD at nursery. We did 2-3 weeks of going in for a few hours most days (I stayed with her the whole time for these visits), then she progressed to doing 2 half days a week on her own, for about 3 weeks, and now she's in full time and seems so happy when I take her in the mornings (waves to be staff, beams etc). At no point did the nursery let her cry; because it was gradual and because I could stay at the beginning, by the time she stayed on her own she was ready.
Can they let you try something similar? Our nursery also wanted to make sure she was happy with them putting her to sleep, feeding her and changing her nappy before she did any solo visits.
I feel for you because it is such a hard process, especially for the mother. But she will settle down I'm sure. Good luck.

[Daisies123]

Can you leave her for longer, it seems like a bit of a protracted settling in period?

DD started at 12 months and did one hour where I stayed with her for the hour filling in forms and talking to her key worker, next day not in as her birthday, then in for an hour and a half where I left her after half an hour and went for a cup of tea. The fourth day left her for 3 hours over lunchtime so she had her lunch there.

She then started the following week on three 10+ hour days a week and has been fine - no tears at drop off and bounces in giving her key worker a hug.

[Pipsicola]

It is hard but babies are more adaptable than you think. My DD started nursery 5 days a week at 10 months. She had a short session whilst I stayed, an hour alone, an afternoon alone, and then started full time. She really loves nursery and Im pretty sure she prefers it to being at home now. Doesn't nap very well there but you can't have everything!

Are you sure she's not picking up on your anxieties about it? I've just tried to not make it a big deal - definitely didn't talk about nursery / book etc - just dropped her off with a kiss then go. The nursery team have dealt with hundreds of new babies before and are pros at calming them down/making them feel safe.

I'd say leave her longer and give the team chance to show her how fun nursery is..