Am I being paranoid?

[annmarieandlily]

My beatiful 6 month old dd started her first full day at nursery today, after a few settling in sessions in the weeks leading up.

Although the nursery staff tell me she has been absolutely fine and happy, whenever I have gone to collect her she has been crying. Today was particularly bad, and she had obviously been sobbing her little heart out in a way she never does at home. We have the usual grumbly crying but nothing that reduces her to sobs.

The nursery keep reassuring me when I pick her up and when I phone to check on her - but its so unlike her to cry pitifully like that? Don't know what to think. Am I being totally paranoid? They have never phoned me to come and collect her. Can I be reassured that they WOULD phone if necessary?

I know its only the first day but it rips my heart out to think of her being unhappy. Is it just a process of getting used to it over time?

[amidaiwish]

oh you poor thing. i am sure your dd was fine most of the day, that last hour is always hard as they all start to get tired and the staff are busy as children get picked up. I pick up my DDs at 4.30/5 and by then many of the children in the baby room are whingy, and these children have been absolutely fine and happy all day (i drop off DD1 at 11 on a monday so i get to see them!)

can you tell them that it is no problem for you to come and get her as you are doing a gentle return to work? that way they may feel happier about contacting you as i know my nursery only call if they are very very miserable, i.e. must be ill!

can you pick her up early for the first few weeks? she probably isn't sleeping as well as she would at home either.

hope it gets better, i am sure it will. Both my DDs adore nursery and it has been fantastic for them. xx

[dinny]

she doesn't sound as if she's been happy if she's crying when you pick her up. do you trust the nursery staff?

ds started at nursery when 10 mo and when I picked him up on first day he was lying on floor sobbing his heart out with no-one comforting him, so I took him out there and then.

I'd say just trust yur gut feeling.

[dinny]

just to qualify my post, my dd went to a fantastic nursery from 10 mo and loved it, never found her sobbing - unfortunately it had closed by the time ds was born.

[amidaiwish]

was she
a)sobbing abandoned?
b) had she been crying but not when you picked her up?
or
c)was she sobbing but being comforted?

if it was a) take her out.
if b) or c) then give it some more time!

[dinny]

yes, well put, amaidaiwish. ds was doing 'a'

[Frizbe]

when I picked up dd2 today (she's just 1, 1st full day today), she heard my voice as I came in the door and broke into a heart wrenching cry complete with tears, if I'd not have peeked round a few mins earlier and seen her happily playing, I'd have thought she'd been at it all day.

[jotiddle]

i think the kids get used to it. not so sure about the mums!

[annmarieandlily]

She wasn't sobbing abandoned - being cuddled by one of the staff, and she did stop crying as soon as I picked her up.

I know I have to give it time and I will reiterate to the staff that I want them to call me if she is distressed.

God I never imagined it would be this hard

[Chloe55]

Ds can sometimes be really grumpy by the end of his nursery day, when I was working until 5pm I would always pick him up whining and sometimes sobbing. My work hours have changed so now I pick him up earlier and he gets whiney because I am dragging him away

It's only her first day, give her a bit of time - she was being comforted so it seems the staff are doing their job.

[amidaiwish]

i know it can be so hard.
but when you collect them and they have being playing with sand/water/couscous/paint/baked beans, in their nappies, with the nursery a complete mess, you will feel fantastic knowing they have had such a fun time.

or when you see them laugh and play with new friends they make, even at an early age they start playing peek-a-boo, clap hands to nursery rhymes etc..

then you will feel happy!

[amidaiwish]

and i do agree with chloe55 - when they are under a year/18 months, it really is easier if you get them early as they won't be so tired. is there anyway you can change your hours for the next few months?

[annmarieandlily]

Will have a think about shortening my hours maybe. Thanks for all the advice. I'm sure it will get easier.

[katelyle]

If you're not sure you trust the staff to call you, you're going to be on edge all the time - what a horrible situation - I do feel for you! Could you turn up unammounced to collect her halfway through a session one day - saying you've got an unexpected hour or two off work?

[annmarieandlily]

Yes katelyle I was thinking about that whilst lying awake last night.

All I really want to do is be able to peek through the window from time to time during the day to reassure myself that she is happy - I only work a few minutes from the nursery so its not unreasonable.

Although the cynic in me says that they can see me walking up to the gate where I have to buzz to get in...

I really have no reason to mistrust the nursery staff, but cannot get it out of my head that my dd is crying all day.

She now has conjunctivitus (already...) so have to take her to the doc later this morning for drops before I can take her in. So at least today will be a shorter day for her.

Will post later to tell how it went...

[Chloe55]

Yeah, get ready for many many more minor ailments too

For all the bad habits ds is picking up from nursery it doesn't come close to all the benefits it is giving him too.

[annmarieandlily]

Well nothing to report yet as she didn't go to nursery yesterday after all. Was told that as she hadn't had eye drops before, I would need to give them for first 24 hours in case of a reaction. As you can imagine my company were thrilled on my second day back...

I did however speak to the nursery manager about my concerns. She assured me that if babies/children were really unhappy they would always call mum. So feel slighly happier about this.

But still leaves the question why was she so distressed on Monday? Are they leaving her to cry? I think my next tactic will be to turn up unannounced, or perhaps get dp to pick her up earlier tomorrow. Would feel better having his opinion of how she seems too.