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Is this normal?

(16 Posts)
rainbowdash888 Wed 08-Mar-17 11:10:35

Trying to settle 20 month ds into nursery and he's finding it a bit hard going having been at home till now.
Yesterday I took him for his 3rd settling session and left him for 1.5 hrs. When I got back I watched him for a while and he was wailing and sobbing while wandering around the room. No one was attempting to comfort him and he had snot pouring down his face that nobody had wiped for him. Is it usual not to pay attention to them during settling? They said he had cried pretty much non stop, felt so sad for him. Is this the way to make him settle in ? For full disclosure I never used a nursery for dd because I was worried about her not getting enough attention when very young. I would prefer a childminder for ds but cannot find one locally that has spaces at the moment, so I realise I could have some prejudices that I'm trying not to let surface but they could be....

FiveMinutesAlone Wed 08-Mar-17 11:28:46

The staff at the nursery we used would try to comfort a crying child with cuddles or distract him with toys / activities. If nothing worked, then they'd call the parent rather than just leave the child to cry all day.

I would have reservations about leaving a child in a nursery where the staff would ignore his distress. Especially so if they're doing that in front of you.

countingdown2gin Wed 08-Mar-17 11:37:46

I would expect the nursery to try and comfort him and if he wasn't settling to give you a call personally.

I wouldn't like the thought of DS being left to cry for the whole time and would make me nervous of leaving him. Some children take longer than others to settle but still they should be comforting him and adapting their process imo.

Emptynestermum Wed 08-Mar-17 12:19:48

I agree with the other posters, I would expect nursery staff to try and comfort him and distract him with activities.

Tbh, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him at that nursery. There must be more caring places. It's common for small children to find it difficult to settle initially but handled well that can be overcome.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Wed 08-Mar-17 12:21:33

This is why I personally prefer a child minder for smaller children.

rainbowdash888 Wed 08-Mar-17 12:22:42

Me to whatthefreak I was really happy with the childminder dd had but she moved, and I can't find anyone near me for when I start work.
I will have a look elsewhere, I can't stop thinking about it which means it probably isn't right for him.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Wed 08-Mar-17 12:25:49

Ahhh what a shame! I'm sure you'll find somewhere that suits, when are you due back?

xStefx Wed 08-Mar-17 12:27:47

I used to watch too and they would always comfort my DD. Find another nursery and keep looking until you find one your happy with.

user1488975798 Wed 08-Mar-17 12:29:43

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Wed 08-Mar-17 12:32:30

Oh, that's odd. I thought half term was finished everywhere now?!

user1488975798, get yourself off to school poppet smile

oleoleoleole Wed 08-Mar-17 12:33:24

They should have a settling in policy. Certainly in my experience this is unacceptable. DC is st an age where it may take longer to settle and it could take a few weeks. I worked in a setting where we had a child of a similar age twice a week and for the first few visits he refused to eat and cried pretty much non stop. We arranged it so that his key worker could give him as much 121 as possible and cuddles if he wanted them. He was spoken to and included in all activities even if he didn't take part. Eventually he started to step by step involve himself and he settled.

At the end of every session there was a very thorough handover and he took a toy or book home ready to bring back the next time. It didn't stop him screaming and clinging to his poor mum but after about 9 sessions he started to attend without being so upset.

I'd ask them to change their approach and if they don't I'd find somewhere else.

It is normal for a child to cry for that length of time they are handling it is not!

gameofchance Wed 08-Mar-17 12:41:09

I found it hard to leave DC at nursery at the start. BUT and this is a big but, staff always tried to comfort and distract. E.g. On 3rd settling in visit of approx 2 hrs without me, I walked into nursery and could hear DC sobbing through closed door to his room. However when I opened door he was being cuddled and staff were at pains to assure me that he had been happy for most of the time and had photos on the nursery iPad to show me he had been playing / having fun. TBH when I was looking for a nursery I was put off one because they left a sobbing child for 5 minutes or so without going to assist

gameofchance Wed 08-Mar-17 12:44:55

Ps childminders don't automatically mean better standard of care. It's just different and matter of personal preference. I prefer nursery as Dc has had to get along with lots of different staff and children had it had really positive effect on his confidence

rainbowdash888 Wed 08-Mar-17 13:18:11

Thank you everyone. Although I was sad for him crying I know it's normal- I just felt a bit worried that he wasn't being comforted.
I go back to work at the end of April so I have a little time to find an alternative. I don't think the care would be better with a childminder necessarily, I just have a good experience with the bond my dd built with hers and dh and I could g like to work and know she was happy. I know I am trying to settle ds at a difficult time as not only am I going back to work.m but we've just moved back to the Uk and he's never lived here. So I'm especially keen for h m to be comfortable in his setting.

gameofchance Wed 08-Mar-17 14:50:25

Rainbow hope you find a solution that suits you and DS

Letyoufly Wed 08-Mar-17 20:51:01

Were you able to see what the staff were doing? I.e. were they busy changing a nappy or seeing to something else? Perhaps unlikely if they said he'd been upset most of the time but you could have looked in at a bad time.. if not then I wouldn't be happy with that. They should be working really hard to familiarise him with the setting and settle him in!

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