Has anyone else sent their 9 month old to nursery for just two afternoons a week? I am feeling guilty for doing so. I am lucky enough to be able to afford it. I am returning to work but not until February, however my DC will probably continue to attend just for 2 1/2 day sessions.
Basically I am finding looking after the kids full time very stressful so have chosen the nursery route as I don't feel I can ask anyone else to help. I have potential PND which I am trying to get treated, however, I just feel like a bit of a failure for sending DC to nursery 3 months earlier than planned.
I don't know anyone else in RL who is doing this. The only people I know whose kids go to nursery are working.
I will have my 3 year old with me most of the time my 9 month old is in Nursery.
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Nursery at 9 months - feeling like a bit of a failure as I have not coped that well on Mat leave...
Cloud9889 · 08/11/2016 11:57
Not a failure at all! I'm still pregnant with my first but I intend to send mine to nursery for sometime before I go back to work because
- I am a person as well as a mum (to be) and I think looking after yourself and your mental health is great parenting (good role model!)
- I can actually see it will help the baby settle in over time rather than going straight to full time nursery when I return to work.
It sounds to be like you're doing great, try not to criticise yourself so much
That sounds like a very sensible decision to make. The 9 month old will settle in, you get a little breathing space and some more dedicated time with your 3 year old.
I am sorry you have potential PND. I went through that and it was horrid. I do remember feeling guilty about everything as one of the symptoms. Can I ask what you are doing to get help with your PND? The combined wisdom of MN might be able to help!
ML was only 5 months when I had my first. That should have made me feel guilty for my DC, but I don't because we do what we have to do to make family life work. Parents have been making difficult compromises throughout history and by comparison yours is extremely positive because it responds to tackling a serious issue in your family's life. Be kind to yourself, your baby will be absolutely fine and it will give you space to get back to full health before going back to work.
By the way my just teenage pfb just nipped over to give me a snuggle while I was typing as she is one to do, she seems to be over me sending her to nursery at 5 months. 
Not a failure at all!!! I felt a lot saner and more able to tackle my PND once my dd was in nursery a few mornings a week. She went at 7 months and I went back to work when she was one. I used that time to tackle the PND
So, use the time wisely - rest, see a counsellor, get housework done so you can do fun stuff with your little one (I found swimming and sharing baths both very bonding); socialise; practice a hobby or get some exercise.
It doesn't make you a failure,
It makes you wise and a good parent for realising what you need to do.
It won't affect your relationship, it will probably make it stronger. I am so wonderfully happily bonded with my DD, but I needed to take care of myself too to get to that point
Not a failure at all! It's slightly different as my DC are older but I have one morning a week to myself when DD2 goes to a preschool session and I am not at work that day. It makes a massive difference to the rest of my week knowing I get that time to myself to organise things etc.
Also I bet DC1 will love that bit of time with you too .
Don't feel a failure- I did similar as we don't have family local to offer any support. After all if a family member was helping out a couple of afternoons a week you wouldn't think it was an issue of failure would you? Also it's a great way of getting your DC very comfortable at nursery for when you go back to work
We had nannies growing up and DSis and I were incredibly close to DM - and she went back to work when DSis was 4mo due to soaring mortgage costs at the end of the 80s.
Fwiw, it's absolutely fine not to love being an earth mother and need a break. I'm on maternity leave at the moment and I've specifically hunted out a preschool for DD1 to go to now that we're not sending her to nursery full time. It's good for both of us
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Both of mine were in nursery full-time from eight months old, and did a very gradual build-up of half-days to full-days for several weeks in the lead up to going full-time - DS1 from five months old. This was amazing for me, because both were terrible sleepers, so it gave me my only chance to nap, and also gave my boobs a really good period to adjust.
They are the most sociable little boys you could hope to meet. DS1 absolutely cruised into reception with no issues this year, while his non-nursery classmates took weeks to adjust. DS2 treats nursery as his second home (because it is, basically!) - he knows all the children because of his big brother and all the staff in every room have known him since he was a bump! Both cannon-ball me with cuddles at collection time and it makes our time together that much more special when we have it.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
You're being very hard on yourself. I'm a sahm to a two year old and she'll be starting a couple of sessions a week soon because I'm finding it very tough at the moment. If I'd been struggling before now I would have done it sooner. Some children are in full time nursery from a younger age and they are fine. We all do what we have to do.
On another note, every version of the pill I tried gave me horrendous moodswings and depression. I would not touch it with s barge pole now. It's condoms for us!
I'm glad your ds is settling in OK.
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