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"Putting procedures in place"??!!

(15 Posts)
StressedAndYaKnow Tue 08-Nov-16 00:12:08

Hi, I have previously posted about my son pushing others at his nursery.
The nursery did a behaviour chart on him and found that he does this to play but not to hurt anyone (he's 2 and a half may I add).
He does this on a regular basis but it has dwindled in the past couple of weeks. It is always brought up when I pick him up, rightly so, but one of the woman that works there always laughs in a judgy way when I ask how he's been that day, I really don't appreciate this.
Anyway, today when I picked him up I was asked into the office where the woman told me that he has hit two members of staff and pushed a boy...I am horrified. She said someone (I fail to remember who) is coming in soon to put procedures in place because of this. But she never went into detail, just said "you'll have to sign some papers".
Does anyone know exactly what this means? I have no idea.
I'm heartbroken because my son at home is the most loving and sweet little boy, obviously has his moments with myself and his brother but he is only 2 after all. And every time I go in there I only here negative, they have literally never told me "oh my god he's done an amazing drawing today" or "he's helped tidy up" never. And I understand about telling me the negative but I literally mean they've never told me a single good thing. I'm so hurt and worried. Please someone any bit of insight would help. sad

StressedAndYaKnow Tue 08-Nov-16 00:44:12


OlennasWimple Tue 08-Nov-16 00:52:12

Sorry, I don't know really what they mean. But remember you don't have to sign anything immediately - you should be able to take it away to read overnight, at least - and hopefully they are trying to be genuinely supportive and helpful.

If you can do it without being over emotional - and I know it's really hard when your LO is involved - you could mention to the manager when you are talking about DS that you never receive positive feedback from his room workers.

avamiah Tue 08-Nov-16 01:00:13

Hi OP,
I would imagine they are concerned about his behaviour.

MrsA2 Tue 08-Nov-16 06:23:48

That doesn't sound great to be honest. My DD had a week or two when she was being a bit rough but we still always were hearing praise too. Hitting and pushing, annoyingly, is part of growing up for toddlers. If it's really escalated then perhaps he is feeling under the weather this week? Or equally you may just need a consistent approach together with nursery to crack it - with my DD ignoring it primarily and just removing her from the fun was what made the difference as she was doing it for attention.

I'm not sure what they mean by procedures, sorry. Did you have to sign a form to show he hurt another child? That's routine at our nursery so if you don't do that already maybe they just mean they'll Have to start recording incidents (they should be doing that anyway I think).

insancerre Tue 08-Nov-16 06:33:24

I think they have concerns about his behaviour and have asked the area senco / inclusion teacher from the local SEND department of the local authority in to observe him
They will have to fill in a form called a request for guidance that enables them to ask for extra suite and involvement from other professionals

It doesn't mean he does have additional needs but it's always a good idea to rule it out kid early intervention is key in making sure children get the support early enough to make a difference
Have they suggested a hearing test or a referral to speech and language
To be fair, if he is hurting the staff then that does need investigation because they shouldn't have to put up with that at work

Don't worry, it's all done with the best interests of your child in mind

smEGGtoplasm Tue 08-Nov-16 06:34:13

It might be so they can put a CAF in place. It stands for Common Assessment Framework. It sounds scary but it's not. My son had one because he was being bullied at school. I had to go to meetings at school about what strategies were being put in place to help him and we saw a parent support worker at home. It's to assess whether he has any additional needs.
This info may help...

You sound like a great mum who is just worried about her little boy and cares about his behaviour very much flowers

meditrina Tue 08-Nov-16 06:53:43

It migh be a CAF, of it might simply be a new (nursery version) home/school agreement.

Staff are used to normal 2 yr old 'moments'.

The level of hitting and pushing has clearly gone well beyind this. So that some one has kept cheerful when talking to you strikes me as a positive, even though you don't like someone who talks with laughter in their voice.

Or is it that you don't like what she is saying, and are trying to shift the blame to her, rather than hearing what she is saying about your DS's conduct.

The bottom line is that they have to keep the other DC safe.

is your DS actually suited to a nursery setting? He might be happier with a CM.

StressedAndYaKnow Tue 08-Nov-16 08:54:51

Thank you for all your comments. I managed to find some information that told me about inclusion officers. So I feel a bit better about the situation, but I still feel she should have explained more.

To the person that replied saying that maybe I'm passing blame over to the woman, I most definitely am not. I couldn't blame myself more if I tried. Questioning what am I doing wrong as a mother, what can I do to stop this?? I aren't one of those mums that can't hear when someone tells me my son did something wrong. I'm not saying I don't hate hearing it, it hurts to hear but I'm mature enough to see that these things aren't acceptable.
As I say at home he has his moments that all 2 year olds do but every single person that's around him, family or not, say what a lovely little boy he is and how well behaved he is. So I'm devastated that he's doing this at nursery. X

meditrina Tue 08-Nov-16 09:15:28

It's quite possible that you are doing nothing wrong, as in a different surroundings behaviour can be quite different.

That's why I also suggested you consider if nursery is the right place for him at the moment. Some DC just don't get on with it, or might only be ready for a group setting when a year or so older, but might be fine with a childminder.

Go and listen to what they have to say. Listen very carefully to what steps they are recommending. Take notes.

And remember they have come up with some sort of plan that they are putting to you, which means they may well have been working on it for some time. It'll be new to you, and it is absolutely OK to say you cannot sign up to anything (literally or metaphorically) until you have had a chance to reflect. (so you may need a second meeting).

StressedAndYaKnow Tue 08-Nov-16 21:16:28

I'm honestly unsure he should be there right now. His name is down for this amazing school nursery for September, so I'm considering after this place has searched for whatever answers they want we will take him out. We only wanted to put him in nursery now as he loves to be busy and play, and I have a 1 year old too so it was time for me and my little one to spend together while his brother made friends and played.
He came home today, after being told similar things today, he was very quiet and really not himself. He also has two scratches on his forehead and in between his eyes (I noticed as we were walking home) and no one has mentioned them to me. This is the second time he's come home with scratches and no one noticed (both times on his face too, and they aren't subtle scratches either).
I'm really feeling uneasy about him attending there.
On a side it acceptable that one of the women in charge has her son there after school, within the 2 year old class, and I would guess he's about 8?...and whenever his mum is telling me how "bad" my son has been that day, he's chirping in telling me about my son. Or coming over to me as I collect my son and telling me about my son. They have a room in the nursery for older children who come to them after school, they can watch tv or play video games etc, so I don't understand why he's in with 2 year olds and also talking to me about my son.
I'm feeling really frustrated, stressed and very very down atm. X

finova Tue 08-Nov-16 21:24:31

If he doesn't need to be there I'd take him out. He's still very young.
One of my 2 did this at 2years and needed shadowing so I gave up on nursery and went with a childminder.
He then did one term at a private nursery at 3,2 years and in the 1st 3 weeks there were a few incidents, but he was fine after that.
At 3,7 he got a place at a school nursery and there was never an incident. He also got judged as 'exceeding' for his social skills!!

StressedAndYaKnow Tue 08-Nov-16 23:55:10

I really do feel it may be best to remove him x

BackforGood Wed 09-Nov-16 00:04:51

As others have said, it sounds as if the person they want to have a look at the situation is likely to be the Area SENCo or Inclusion Officer for your Local authority (different names and slightly different roles in different areas).
They do need permission - which is a good thing, as it means they have to involve the families, so you are fully aware - but what they will do is come and talk to staff and observe the child. They will also observe what is going on in the room. Sometime changes to the environment or the staffing or the curriculum or the staff expectations can make the world of difference. They will only offer advice.

I have to say it sounds as if communication isn't very good at the Nursery.
It's really common for dc to go through a biting phase btw - don't be too mortified smile

MiMiMaguire Thu 10-Nov-16 21:18:16

Keep him home, he's not flourishing there, hes still a baby, he has unexplained scratches and they're singling him out.. and what you said about the minders son would not sit right with me at all, cheeky little shit. I'd take him out if I were you, I have a 3.5year old DD and the difference from 2.5 is absolutely immense. Try him again when he's older.

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