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Stressing about daughter starting nursery...success stories and tips needed please!

(29 Posts)
LadesC Wed 15-Jun-16 16:29:50

Hi daughter is 10months old and will be starting nursery at the start of September when I return to work 3 days a week. To prepare her I started going to the stay and play session at thr nursery last week and ever since I cant stop thinking about it and getting upset. Shes bf and am currently trying to get her to take milk from a cup which is going ok after lots of previous refusals. However mainly cos of bf Ive only left her once (with her dad) for about 5 hours but also we have no family locally to leave her with. Im so worried about how she will ever settle after being with me for so long. Shes very sociable and smiley but thats when Im there too. Im crying about it whenever I think about it and dont want to ruin the remaining 2.5months mat leave. Please tell me itll be ok if youve been thru similar or any other tips to help prepare her.

OP’s posts: |
MummySparkle Wed 15-Jun-16 16:32:47

Mine always bawled their eyes out as I left. Within 10 mins I'd phone the nursery to see if they were okay. 99% of the time they'd be happily playing. It's really hard. Mine were EBF too and I couldn't get them to take milk from a cup, but nursery staff didn't have a problem. They both love going to bursery now

Cakeymum Wed 15-Jun-16 16:58:33

My DS was 9 months when he started (3 days a week) and is 3 next week and is now full time!
On the first day, he didn't cry.. but i bawled my eyes out as i left and another mum had to help me to my car!
It is hard though, and they do cry and sometimes he is still v clingy and doesn't want me to go but as MummySparkle said they are fine within minutes of you going. It now takes me 10 minutes to get him out of the place each day and has to go say goodbye to the baby rooms. every. time.

Not sure there is much to prepare her / you other than settling in days to get her used to the place / people and most nurseries will let you have a few sessions

Currently preggo with number 2 and already on the list for starting next year! 100% no regrets about nursery

katienana Wed 15-Jun-16 17:02:18

She'll be 1 by the time she starts so don't stress about the milk. She can feed morning and night instead. My ds1 never took milk from anywhere but my boobs and he started nursery at a similar age. the nursery staff know what they are doing, do you see them cuddling babies etc? I'm sure it will be fine.

LittleElephant123 Wed 15-Jun-16 17:07:39

I work in a nursery (on mat leave) and the best thing to do is not to worry! Your LO will have a great time. She might be a bit upset at first but after 5 minutes she'll be fine! I'm due back in November and can't wait for my LO to go to nursery (I won't be working in the same room as her) it's great for kids they learn so much. Don't worry she'll love it !

KnockMeDown Wed 15-Jun-16 17:09:27

If she sees you crying everytime you take her there, she will not have a good association with the place, so hard as it may be, try to be really positive and upbeat every time you take her.

Nursery will give you some settling times, where you can leave her for increasing amounts of time.

But the main thing is to have a positive attitude yourself, and she will pick up on this. Obviously this will be hard if you have any doubts about the nursery - I hope you are happy with your choice?

HSMMaCM Wed 15-Jun-16 17:59:55

I agree with the others about being happy and positive when you drop off. If she cries, don't worry, a good nursery will let you know if she doesn't settle (and she almost certainly will). If she has a comforter like a muslin or something, wear it under your pyjamas over night and give it to her in the morning, smelling of you. Make sure it's named, along with everything else you send.

Please don't spoil your last few weeks together by worrying. Make the most of every second.

LadesC Wed 15-Jun-16 20:26:58

Thanks all...yes Im happy with our choice and Im happy that it will be great for her development etc. Its just that initial settling I worry about...have visions of her not sleeping without boob, refusing milk (as someone said she may not need day milk then but at mo she still has 2 daytime feeds) and crying all day long. And its such a big change from having my undivided attention all day for last 10ish months. I try and only cry to my OH when shes gone to bed (anf in car if shes asleep) so hopefully she doesnt pick up on it!!! Im awful at stuff like this...i cry at end of era type stuff.....i used to sob at work when people i barely knew left!!!! Need to man up somewhat!

OP’s posts: |
LittleElephant123 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:03:22

Just keep in mind she'll get lots of comfort from the staff. And in my nursery if the child is at the point of no return and is so upset we contact the parents! I'm sure your nursery will do the same

louise987 Fri 17-Jun-16 20:03:10

Oh my god - I could have written this! My 10m old starts in two weeks, still BF and won't take milk from a cup (only water) either! I've got the same concerns about napping too. Oh and separation anxiety has set in so that's fun too.


Everyone really does seem to reassure me that it will be fine. In the long run they will totally love it and get so much from it. And I keep reminding myself that we will still have the morning, evenings and days off together still so all in all it will just be a small part of her week.

You are not alone! Don't worry about it and cherish all your time with your little'un. I find if I think about it as a variation on routine rather than a whole new chapter it helps my mindset!

BumWad Sat 18-Jun-16 20:37:20

Hi OP I am also in the same shoes! DS is coming up to 13 months old and he starts nursery in 4 weeks. He was 2 months premature hence the later start.

I'm starting to feel a little panicky too. He is a bit fussy with his food and really needs help napping. As he was prem he is still quite small and skinny - I am so worried the nursery staff aren't going to feed him properly! I popped in the other day and re-iterated the need for him to have a good amount of food and not just to rely on finger foods - the nursery staff probably thought I was being really condescending!

I'm also really nervous about him getting ill all the time. I keep telling myself it will only be 3 days a week. 😫

fabulous01 Sat 18-Jun-16 21:32:25

I have twins who went at 9 months. I have no family nearby so u don't think I had left them before starting. One settled within a day. The other took longer and cried when I left her. Stopped when I was at door ( I looked through window). It does take a while to settle eg parents as I probably took the longest lol but they love it now. They play in mess, sing song etc etc. No regrets
But as others have said. If there are cries at drop off, turn and walk. It is hard but must be done.
Of and get lots of leggings and keep crap clothes as they will get dirty and have multiple changes due to sand etc
Oh and get ready for lurgy. It took mine a month before they did a full week and that is only 3 days lol

fabulous01 Sat 18-Jun-16 21:37:48

And mine were same about food. Yes nursery won't get everything right as I worried about bottles and had to tweak things a bit. And they did get food which I hadn't given at home. But it is all healthy food, cooked on site and they now eat varied things. Mine are dairy free and they have been great. Some days they eat 2 lunches and 2 teas each so nursery must think they are being starved at home!
But prepare for mess at home as they do that at nursery so good will go everywhere ...

MadeForThis Sat 18-Jun-16 21:49:54

Exact same situation with me. I'm worried too. DD is nearly 9 months and I'm returning to work end of October. Picked a nursery we liked this week but I'm really worried about naps. DD is ebf and feeds to sleep. Also spends all naps either on me or lying next to me. Will wake up a bit to check I'm there and then go back to sleep again. Wakes up completely if even my DH is with her.

I know she will love nursery once she gets used to it but I'm terrified she will never sleep.

fabulous01 Sun 19-Jun-16 09:56:27

Naps take longer. Mine won't sleep in cot at home (we now co sleep and it i tright with twins) but oh yes they sleep in cot at nursery. Yes they don't sleep as long as they would here as I would curl up with them in sofa but you have to take rough with smooth. They are knackered after a nursery day lol. But they have come on ever so much and developed seeing other babies.
As they settle in the staff will give lots of cuddles to help them but they do so much there. Constant play and mud .......

LadesC Thu 30-Jun-16 11:46:51

Thanks all. Louise987 has your LO started now then? Hope it went ok. Been to stay and play again this morning and feel happier.....everyone was playing outside and Ive chatted to several of the staff who will be in her section and all are lovely. Also been reassured that if she naps thru their normal 1145 lunchtime (which she normally would) that they will save it for her for when she wakes up. She had a bit of a crawl around and wasnt constantly attached to me which gave me some reassurance and one of the staff took her off to play for a while and she didnt seem to be looking for me. Off to get some pix of family printed as they ask you to put some in her bag.

OP’s posts: |
louise987 Thu 30-Jun-16 17:18:41

Pleased it's working out for you OP!
We have had 3 1hr settling sessions at nursery now, two of them when we left her alone. She cried for the whole time in one but today apparently she cried for (only?!) 45 mins and did seem to start settling. It's hard because I'm questioning how she will eat/drink when stressed. And naps... Well that's never going to happen, at least not for a while! The only thing I took relief in was that she did seem to know and like her key worker. The more she gets to know her the better I will feel.

When is your first proper day? The fact she was crawling around and seemed to play must be a good thing. Nice staff help a lot too! I'm looking forward to when my DD can crawl so she has a bit more control over her surroundings!

louise987 Thu 30-Jun-16 17:19:42

Good idea about the pictures as well!

LadesC Thu 30-Jun-16 18:14:43

Sept 5th with settling in thr week before so a while yet altho sure itll whizz by. Im panicking about silly stuff now tho like when we were there she picked up a random sticker that had been dropped and put it in her mouth. I noticed but surely itd be easy for her to be choking away unnoticed when im not!

OP’s posts: |
louise987 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:19:43

That's plenty of time, I'm sure your DD will settle in faster than you think smile do you have more settling in sessions and planned?

It's mad isn't it, mothers anxiety makes us worry and panic about the smallest things! I'm sure it will all be fine, otherwise no-one would use nurseries at the rates they do!

LadesC Thu 30-Jun-16 20:57:58

Going to try and go to stay and play most thursdays altho i stay with her for those. Then she has 2 x 2hr sessions on the thur and fri before starting on the Mon. Feels a big jump from 2 hours to 9.5ish but i guess she will cope!

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louise987 Thu 07-Jul-16 18:21:09

First full day today and we (as were the nursery staff!) we pleasantly surprised! She had two naps, some snacks and a bit of lunch. Compared to the three settling in sessions which were very tearful this was a very happy outcome.

When we went to pick her up we looked in the window and she was happily playing with the staff.

So don't worry, even my very clingy, emotional, bottle refusing, feed to sleeper coped! Hope all goes well for you xx

MadSprocker Thu 07-Jul-16 18:35:12

As a mum of 2ds aged 10 and 13, and a former Nursery Nurse, all your worries are normal!

Children go through stages of being more clingy, typically starting at 9 months, when a lot of mums go back to work.

They may cry when they are left, and generally stop within 5 minutes.

It is amazing what children eat/drink at nursery, that they don't at home.

They will do amazing activities at nursery, that they probably won't do at home like custard and jelly play, loads of painting and too many more to list.

The children will nap.

The staff will have loads of experience in settling babies (and mums) into the setting.

You can always phone to check.

BumWad Mon 18-Jul-16 22:34:56

How are you all doing?

DS officially starts on Wednesday, he has cried at his settling in sessions but it's too late now as I am back at work!
Dreading it and hoping he settles in quickly. On the plus side the staff did pick him up for lots of cuddles

louise987 Thu 21-Jul-16 12:49:20

How did it go BumWad when you went back to work? My little one had one day at nursery then missed quite a bit as she was unwell. Just back today, so I'm now at work wondering (worrying!) how she's getting on! I can't wait for the day she doesn't cry when I drop her off. The mum guilt I had leaving her this morning knowing I won't be back to collect her until 5pm was horrid sad
Hope your little'un is doing ok, have you heard from the nursery at all? It's tempting to phone for an update isn't it. I would guarantee if I call it'd be when she's screaming in the background... shock

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