Toilet assistance for a three-year-old

[jahase]

Hello,

I have been having ongoing problems with my nursery. My three-year-old daughter used come home with soiled knickers from not being wiped properly.
We had several meetings and the issue has improved but many days her bottom is really sore as she is not cleaned well.

She is fully trained, will go in by herself, never has accidents, will wipe herself to the best of her abilities but simply needs someone to wipe her clean as
a) her stool tends to be a little softer
b) she is not capable of doing it perfectly quite yet

I raised the issue with the nursery again and I was told that they except a child of her age to be fully independent.

I do not think that I am being unreasonable if I expect them to help a three-year old especially if she is sore when it's not done.

Thanks.

[StarUtopia]

My 3.5yr old needs assistance and I would have said that was normal tbh!

I pulled her out of nursery for exactly this reason.

She's now at a childminders and much, much happier.

[SharingMichelle]

In my experience nurseries tend to be pretty clear about whether or not they offer toilet assistance. If your nursery does not then YABU to expect them to make an exception for your daughter.

Having said that, three is old enough to do a good job if you teach her how to do it. Can she take in some wet wipes to help her? Or do some extra practice at home with lots of encouragement? She's getting bigger and more capable every day so this being unable to do it well is a very short term issue.

[jahase]

Thanks StarUtopia.

SharingMichelle, as I mentioned she can do a lot and we have trained her. I do provide wipes for her. Unfortunately, her skin is quite sensitive and her stool is quite sticky so it is almost impossible for her to do it perfectly and she often ends up with poo all over.
The school does not have a clear policy on toilet assistance and to be honest the problems started when she moved classes (she was 2.5 then fully trained but needed help).

[FineAsWeAre]

It's difficult as nurseries can't have a member of staff in the toilets all the time, so they may not even know when she's been for a poo. To be honest, my 5 year old still doesn't always wipe his bottom properly.

[Littlefish]

Do you know what the adult to child ratio is? If it is a school nursery with a qualified teacher, then the ratio may be 1 adult to 13 children. If there are 26 children, then this means only 2 adults. Depending on what else is going on, it may simply not be possible for them to check your dd's bottom each time she goes to the toilet.

[Xmasbaby11]

My dd is 4 and doesn't wipe properly. Occasionally her knickers are a bit dirty but her bottom is never sore. I used to ask at nursery but once they go to the loo independently staff just don't always know when help is needed.

[Pico2]

Not all nurseries have this approach, my DDs' one doesn't have that approach. It might well be a staff ratio thing as DDs' nursery maintains a high ratio through their preschool room and children are monitored a a reasonable level when using the loo so that those who need help get it.

It seems odd to me that they can take a blanket approach to what is a health issue.

When is your DD 4? If she has a whole year more of this then it seems worth pushing it further or looking for an alternative.

[jannier]

School nursery don't have staff in toilets they just cant and children are expected to do it themselves unless they are not toilet trained or sen.

private nursery too will have an open toilet policy for older toilet trained children and wont know who has gone for a pooh, unfortunately its just not possible so stop every child and say are you going for a pooh. A cm works with a smaller number and often is aware a child is in the toilet and keeps an eye. SO if its a real issue that maybe your answer but again who will be there once she's in reception? You have to let her try and encourage her to keep wiping, wet wipes in school don't happen so she will need to be doing her best by then I'm afraid and that is only a year away.

[strawberrie]

At my DS' (school) nursery, they are encouraged to call out for help if they need a hand in the loo - the loos are directly off the classroom so within earshot of staff (it's a 1:10 ratio).

However if they are actually directly refusing to assist on a matter of principle that's a bit different - what would they do if a child accidentally soiled themself?