Should I say something? Safety risk?(9 Posts)
Little long due to background info:
Basically my DD is 3 and attends local nursery. Her grandparents (dad's side) used to pick her up for dad but I had some serious issues with them. (They think I don't 'deserve' her and would like to adopt, have made false allegations with SS etc).
They were keeping any info from nursery from me intentionally including paperwork and accident reports. Her log book, any info given about anything at all. Nursery said they'd provide an additional set for me on my pick up day but it proved too much for them to remember. There is a lot of kids in all fairness.
Grandparents are/were a flight risk as they were denied custody/access via court (obviously) and may take more extreme measures to get what they want. Most their family is abroad or the other end of this country so I was worried they would simply pick her up from nursery one day and not return her.
They also would take things from her school bag and leave her without the necessary things for school. And other various concerns (sending DD in soiled clothes).
Basically my best option was to tell dad he HAD to be responsible for pick ups/drop offs on his days or he couldn't have her at nursery times.
I informed the nursery of the various risks, mainly of the fight risk and advised grandparents had NO permission to enter the nursery for my DD or be told any info regarding her care/given her personal documents.
I thought that was that, but got a phone call last week saying it had been 40mins and no-one had picked her up. I drove up to nursery to get her (I was furious) and by the time i got there they were handing her over to granda!!
God knows how long they've been doing it but it was not the first time. I wasn't informed of any changes. Surely if a parent says "this person cannot collect my child" they shouldn't be allowed to just go get her willy nilly?
If you're wondering about dad he's basically not bothered about DD but his access is set in stone via court so I can't control his lack of bothering while she's there. He only has a court order because his parents paid for it because their attempts fell through.
My point is, have nursery breached any rules? I advised the office, staff, key workers and put it in writing that grandparents couldn't collect DD but they were allowed to anyway and I had zero knowledge of it.
If he's given them permission to collect your DD, I don't think there's anything you can do unless you have a restraining order against them
Sorry - that sounded a bit blunt. It sounds like an awful situation. I really feel for you
Hmmm. This is a difficult one. As pp said, the legalities are that if there is nothing official preventing access (court order, SS care etc) then if Dad gives permission for GP to pick up there isn't much legally you can do.
However, at the nursery I was administrator for, if we were informed of problems like this we would try and take that into account. We had photos and phone numbers of all people with permission to pick up the kids, and if you weren't on the list, we would phone the designated parent/ carer to confirm. No confirmation, no pick up.
We had to deal with several difficult family situations, and if the nursery is open to compromise and discussion, you might get somewhere.
But if you are really very worried about the GPs, I'd get proper professional advice.
If Dad has parental responsibility he can delegate to allow Grandparents to collect on his behalf unless there's a court order that prevents that. You might want to get a prohibited steps court order to prevent GPs from doing so. It's a shame nursery didn't notify you, being aware of your concern but if instructed by Dad to handover to GPs they can't say that your instructions trump that.
Yeah he does unfortunately have PR also. I guess he could have asked for that to occur? Although he's never been bothered to ring about anything before I could certainly check with the office.
I suppose then it's just a shame they never notified me as they're aware of the entire situation, I don't want to kick up a fuss and I'll just leave it be I think, but it's crazy how it can all happen behind my back. I am now missing vital documents that were sent out again. So frustrating, even if nursery would keep hold of the paperwork for me to collect but it's not standard procedure they just pop it in their school bags and it never reaches me
And I didn't know I was missing paperwork as I didn't know they were picking her up Only when I thought to ask if anything was sent out recently
I would seek some legal advice wrt the GP's access to your dd. As PP have said, if your ex has PR then he can give permission for his parents to collect DD, however, if you were able to obtain an order prohibiting them from coming near your DD, given the previous risks mentioned above, then this would override the dad's ability to give them permission to collect.
But speak to a solicitor to find out what your legal position is. If your ex is deliberately bringing your DD into contact with people who are a flight risk with your DD and giving them unsupervised access to her then you may have a case for him to have supervised contact only.
If he has parental responsibility then he can let whoever he wants to pick her up
the nursery are just caught in the middle here
they have to follow parents wishes and as long there is no court order inplace forbidding the grandparents to collect, then they can collect
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.