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Leaving 2yo to cry

(17 Posts)
mumx5inuk Sat 29-Nov-14 17:47:04

How would you feel about leaving a 2yo at nursery from 9 to 12, knowing that the child was well looked after but cried continually for three hours?

Quitelikely Sat 29-Nov-14 17:50:26

Most responsible nurseries would ask the parent to come back after a certain period of time if crying persists. They certainly shouldn't not bother telling the parent!

5ChildrenAndIt Sat 29-Nov-14 17:51:05

Mmm - not good.

callamia Sat 29-Nov-14 17:52:05

How us crying continually being well looked after? Are they new to nursery?

GoogleyEyes Sat 29-Nov-14 17:53:58

Being cuddled all the time, or left to cry?

Starlightbright1 Sat 29-Nov-14 17:56:03

I am confused about the leaving a 2 year old to cry and well looked after. What was done to distract reassure child?
Is this child new?

sillymillyb Sat 29-Nov-14 17:57:53

My ds did this, I left him for 7 weeks in the end and it wasn't improving. Nursery seemed disinterested, and I removed him after returning early one day and peeking through the window to see him stood in middle of room with his teddy, sobbing, and everyone just ignoring him. It broke my heart to be honest, I was leaving it thinking it would get better and it was just horrible. He's still really panicky when we drive past now and it was last march he was there hmm

LegoCaltrops Sat 29-Nov-14 17:57:56

Could you clarify what you mean by being ledt to cry? Did the nursery workers try to comfort the child, what did they do? Or did they just leave the child to continue crying?

If the first, it may (unfortunately) just be part of getting used to nursery.
If the second, I would look for a new nursery.

LegoCaltrops Sat 29-Nov-14 17:58:57

Gah. left to cry.

littleomar Sat 29-Nov-14 18:05:03

One of my DTs cried all day for the first couple of weeks. The staff comforted her and discussed all the different things they'd tried with me. She was fine as long as she was being carried so there were times she was left to cry eg while the girls were getting everyone ready for lunch or doing nappies. Things suddenly clicked on day 10 and now she's fine, but it was stressful and miserable at the time.

insancerre Sat 29-Nov-14 18:07:48

I don't understand the question
Your language is confusing. You say "left to cry" and "well looked after"
How can a child be well looked after and be left to cry?
As a nursery nurse I wouldn't leave children to cry, I would comfort them.
I don't know any child that has cried for 3 hours. That's not being well looked after
However, some children do take time to settle into a new environment and do cry initially on drop off and then again on pick up.
A good nursery will have a settling in process that supports both child and parent through what can be a traumatic experience

mumx5inuk Sat 29-Nov-14 19:12:14

Good to hear your responses...several of you have asked for clarification. Yes, this 2yo is new to group care. Has visited setting several times with mum and sib (for up to an hour) before starting to attend on their own. Nursery responds by cuddling child, offering sand play, carrying this child and gently showing him different areas...."this is the book corner. Shall I read a book?" Read book. Crying continues. Parent is contacted after about an hour (2x) and for whatever reason has collected at usual time (ie after 3 hours.) It is distressing for the other 2s, as for example when a book is being read to them as a group, it is virtually impossible for them to hear. Outside they just get on with enjoying playing, riding trikes, sand, v happy, but once inside the crying child has a huge effect on the nursery experience for the other 2s.

GoogleyEyes Sat 29-Nov-14 19:23:34

So you are nursery staff and want mum to come and pick up, but she doesn't? That's tricky. Can you chat to mum and see if you are (together) able to work out why he's behaving this way, and what might help? Maybe comfort object? Familiar books? Try again in a few month?

callamia Sat 29-Nov-14 21:21:54

Is a more gentle settling in possible? My son's nursery have a settling in plan, but they're flexible if the child is clearly not having a good time. There was a little boy in my son's group who extended his by about a fortnight, and he looks fine now (3 months in). It's really tough for the other children isn't it? Poor child.

FlorenceMattell Sat 29-Nov-14 21:30:09

I think the nursery should arrange a meeting with the parents. Together decide some short term achievable goals. Have a date to review. If at review nothing has been achieved give notice.
Talking with the parents might reveal some triggers that upset the little boy.
Too be honest I wouldn't cuddle too much, it's clearly not resolving the crying.
I would stay close and try to engage him in play. Could he bring some of his favourite toys from home into nursery?

HSMMaCM Sat 29-Nov-14 23:13:16

I'd be questioning why a parent wasn't collecting the child for two hours. Is there more than one emergency contact number?

mumx5inuk Mon 01-Dec-14 13:26:31

Wow, those are some great suggestions, thanks guys..... as I am supply I cannot speak directly to parents but I will speak to keyworker about my concerns. x

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